


Romanticide

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-04-13 19:51:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 71,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4535148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When I first saw you, I was amazed. Amazed by your voice and amazed by your beauty. We got closer and after a while I could see right into your soul and I was amazed by its pureness and your big heart. You are the one and I love you with my whole heart."</p>
<p>But, as in every love story, they first have to find to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Tarja Turunen/Tuomas Holopainen Fanfiction]

The black haired young woman had her eyes closed and wore a light smile on her face. The headphones were buried in her ears and the music was louder as usual. She had found a new obsession and she couldn't get enough of it.  
"In sleep he sang to me", she sang quietly along with the operatic voice in her ears. "In dreams he came. That voice which calls to me and speaks my name ..."  
What a great voice Sarah Brightman had. And that story, that story was really something else. But so romantic.  
The Finnish girl sighed quietly. She loved this musical since she had discovered it a few days ago and now she just couldn't get enough of it. Now she wished for a man to woo for her like Erik had wooed for Christine. Not necessarily with a mask that hid more than half of his (burnt and scarred) face, but the fact Erik had visited Christine in the night and they had danced and sang and Christine had fallen in love with him ... Tarja would love nothing more than that, a man who danced and sang with her. Who loved her the way she was, who maybe even loved her voice the way Erik had loved Christine's voice ...  
"The phantom of the opera is here ... Inside my mind."  
"Tarja?"  
Marjatta Turunen touched her daughter's shoulder and Tarja jumped in her bed, ripping out her earphones.  
"Mother! You startled me!"  
"I'm sorry but you didn't hear me", Tarja's mother answered and put some fresh clothes on her daughter's bed. "You shouldn't listen too loud, you'll destroy your ears."  
Tarja sat up. "I listened to The Phantom of the Opera again and I decided to do something", she said, carefully awaiting her mother's reaction. Her mother, already in the doorframe, ready to leave again, nodded at the girl with the wild curls and Tarja took a breath.  
"I ... I want to sing it in class."  
"In class?", Marjatta weighed her head. "I don't know if that's a good idea ... Remember the girls who don't let you have your peace only because you sing in church once a month? Rebekka, Kiira, Elli, and what their names are?"  
"I know, I think of them everyday and it's only less than two months I have to see them. I want to sing it and I will."  
Marjatta sighed. Her daughter could be very stubborn, she knew she would sing if she wanted to. The elder woman was sure that this couldn't have a good end ...

\---

A week later ...

"That was amazing, Tarja!"  
Tarja's cheeks were deep red as Rebekka put her hand on Tarja's shoulder approvingly. Had she changed her opinion about her? Tarja was about to thank her happily but suddenly Rebekka got closer and mumbled into her ear, "Anyway, you will never be a famous singer, opera is so out. You better stick with your Soul-music. No, wait - your voice isn't good enough for singing songs of Whitney and Aretha. You better forget singing at all."  
Tarja's face fell as Rebekka laughed and when Kiira, Rebekka's best friend came to her with an angry look, she had lost all hope.  
"Good work, Tarjita", Kiira said angrily and Tarja's face went pale. "I used to love that musical. Now I hate it, thanks to you. Couldn't you sing a song where you couldn't fail?? You and opera - please! As if you haven't already done enough as you destroyed my love for Whitney Houston! Can't you stop doing that? Just stop singing and do something you can do!"  
Tarja tried hard to hold the tears back which slowly built up in her eyes. Had she really been that bad??  
Kiira clenched her fists and Tarja closed her eyes - she was sure that Kiira would slap her and was surprised when she didn't.  
As Tarja opened her eyes, she was alone on the schoolyard. Well, not completely alone but alone. No one was close to her but everyone stared at her, whispered about her.

A whole week nothing more happened, besides the fact that she was being ignored but everyone seemed to talk about her and her 'lack of singing talent'.  
But after that week, on Monday, it started worse than ever. Tarja was used to her classmates ignoring her since a year, but they had never done things like following before.  
As she opened her locker on Monday morning, an amount of wet foam fell on her, leaving her clothes soaking and transparent. She hadn't even time to breathe, someone grabbed her shoulders and crashed her even deeper into the foam, pressed her head into the locker and let go of her again after a few seconds in which Tarja swallowed lots of the foam in a desperate try to gasp for air.  
As Tarja turned around, coughing and her eyes burning, she couldn't say who had pressed her face into the foaming locker. About ten pupils stood around her and laughed about her wet clothes and the foam in her hair, face and mouth.  
"Forgot your bra today, Turunen?", Leo laughed and Tarja quickly crossed her arms in front of her chest, her face deep red.  
"Forgot?", Elli screamed. "She doesn't need one, Leo!"  
Everyone laughed and Tarja turned around to save her books from the foam in the locker.  
There was not even one book that could be saved anymore.

The next day everyone whispered when she came in. A group of girls, including Rebekka, Elli, Paula and Kiira, pointed at her all the time. Paula was telling them a story and Tarja's heart broke as she recognised it.  
"It was embarrassing, I assure you!", Paula said loudly enough so everyone could hear it. "That crazy girl just undressed and jumped into the lake! It was so cold! Then she told me to do the same but I couldn't. First, it was too cold! Second, she was naked! I just couldn't get naked too, and swim with her at night, or could I??"  
"Of course you couldn't get naked too, Paula", Elli said calmly.  
"So, Tarja, when will you have your coming-out? We are waiting!", Suvi shouted and everyone laughed.  
Tarja ignored them as always and put the schoolbooks out of her desk that hadn't been in the foaming locker from yesterday. Everyone went quiet immediately.  
Tarja wondered about them and opened one of her books - well, she tried to. It wouldn't open, every page was being stucked together with glue.  
Tarja's heart sunk into her pants as she tried to part two pages from each other and they teared.  
A few girls giggled and a few boys made faked shocked noises.  
Tarja shivered as she went to the door to leave the class, the destroyed book in her hands.  
She had almost reached the door, as someone suddenly grabbed her neck from behind and held her back.  
"If you're going to sneak, I'm going to kill you", Joel hissed into her ear and some girls screamed, "Kill her!"  
"I'm ... I'm not going to sneak, I promise", Tarja whispered and Joel let her go.  
And Tarja ran out of the class, the tears streaming down her face.

On Wednesday it didn't get better, she was being avoided in the school cafeteria. As she sat down at the table of a few people she didn't know well, they all left.  
And then Tarja knew it - the whole school hated her.  
A little more than one month left, Tarja told herself for the hundreth time. But as she started eating, something hit her head with a splash and the whole cafeteria started to laugh.  
Tarja carefully reached behind herself and touched the back of her head. It was slimy and stuck in her hair. As she looked at her hand, an urge of vomiting hit her - someone had thrown a reeking mix of various food on her head, she could make out the smell of mushrooms, milk and gravy and something else she couldn't say out loud.  
And as everyone laughed again, Tarja knew it had reached its peek. It wouldn't get better, it'd only get worse.  
One more month ...  
Tarja left the cafeteria crying.

"I don't want to go to school again, mother", Tarja whispered in the evening and the tears began to flow again.  
"Sweetie!" Marjatta embraced her daughter. Her heart was clenching. She knew her daughter had a talent but why did she have to suffer while making something out of it? "One more month, honey, and you'll never have to see them again."  
"I know mum ... But they - they first seem nice and - and then - then they are m - mean ... It - it's worse than ever ...", Tarja sobbed into her mother's shoulder, not hearing the doorbell ring.  
"I know ...", Marjatta said helplessly. After she had picked up her crying daughter the last three days, she didn't know what to do anymore. On Monday she had been full of foam and her clothes had been wet, on Tuesday she had cried so much she couldn't even talk and today her hair had been full of sticking and reeking food.  
Timo just passed by and Marjatta pointed at the door with a pleading look at her oldest son. Timo sighed and went to the door. As he opened it, he stared right into the face of a boy in Tarja's age, he looked quite nerdy with his glasses and fatty skin and shoulder-long, black hair.  
"Yes?", Timo said and the boy's cheeks flushed a little.  
"Uhm - my name is Tuomas Holopainen - I'm here for Tarja. We go to school together."  
"So you are one of the assholes who turn her life into a living hell??", Timo stepped closer and Tuomas shook his head.  
"No, not at all! I really admire her voice and I find it disgusting what the others do to her -"  
"And yet you watch her being bullied", Timo stated and Tuomas went pale.  
"Uhm -", he started. "May I - may I talk to her, please?"  
Timo shook his head. "No. You and the others destroy her life. If you really want to support her, you can talk to her in school as well."  
And with that, Timo shut the door, leaving back a startled Tuomas.  
The black haired boy stared at the door and decided to not ring again. He would try his luck another time.

Tarja stayed at home for a whole week. Paula brought the homework for her everyday but said not a word to her, not once. Tarja cried everytime Paula left without a word.  
She couldn't believe that not even her (once) best friend was still on her side. She was sure she had no friends left, and that thought got certified when she went to school again after that week. No one looked at her, everyone avoided her, no one but the teachers talked to her.  
One more month, Tarja only thought and smiled. And then I will leave to that university in Germany I've read of. I will do that.  
She had told nobody about her plans of leaving to Germany to study singing and for now she also wouldn't. She first had to sign in and when she was being accepted, she would leave and come back as the greatest singer that Kitee had ever seen ...  
"This song is for all the jealous boys and girls who used to bully me ...", Tarja thought and grinned lightly. In her fantasies she was a very famous singer with an amazing voice and the most beautiful woman of Finland. Her hair was long and straight instead of short and curly and her body was slim but curvy instead of only a little chubby. She wore lots of make up, she never had to worry about judging looks again when she used eyeliner and mascara. And her voice was full and operatic and even better than Sarah Brightman's.  
"Miss Turunen!"  
Tarja ripped her eyes open and saw that everyone was staring at her. The teacher pointed at the blackboard unpatiently. "Please. Or don't you know the answer because you were sleeping during lesson?"  
"I wasn't sleeping, I only was resting my eyes", Tarja said quietly and Elli and Kiira started a suppressed laugh, which infected everyone else.  
And even the teacher grinned. "Up with you, Miss Turunen. I'll give the principal a call that you're on your way to him."  
Tarja swallowed and closed her eyes as the whole class started laughing.  
After a while she covered her face with her hands and left the class quickly with desperate sobs, the laughter of her classmates sitting in her neck.


	2. Chapter 2

Luckily the principal wasn't too strict with her. He had sent her home on Monday and Wednesday and he had seen what she had looked like, then. He only sighed and dialled her mother's number for the third time this week. As he told her mother she should pick up her daughter again, Tarja could hear her mother start crying.  
She looked at her knees. She was very ashamed that her mother cried because of her.  
"Mrs. Turunen", principal Räikkönen said and Tarja stared at her knees stubbornly. "Pick her up for a last time this week and make sure she's okay. Let her stay at home tomorrow."  
Now Tarja looked up and thanked him quietly. She had never liked Räikkönen but at the moment it seemed as if he was her only 'friend' in school.  
The principal smiled at her and Tarja saw a glimpse of sympathy in his eyes, so she looked at her knees again.  
She didn't need sympathy from that old man ...  
"Yes, she's here with me, sitting opposite of me", Räikkönen told her mother on the phone and then he sighed. "I didn't notice but I guess you are right, Mrs. Turunen ... Yes, now I notice it."  
Tarja looked up again and caught her principal looking at her closely. She got uncomfortable. What had her mother asked him?  
"Thank you. See you later." Räikkönen hung up and sighed. "Your mother is on her way, Tarja. Do you want to eat something?"  
Tarja shook her head. "Thank you", she mumbled again and Räikkönen smiled that sad smile again. "Tarja ... Why didn't you tell anyone?"  
"About what?", Tarja stared at him.  
"About ... That your classmates bully you. And your anorexia."

Tarja stared holes into the air. She could hear her parents fight, her father scream, her mother cry. Her father made her mother responsible for her so called anorexia, made her responsible for the fact she hadn't noticed.  
"Of course I noticed how much weight she has lost!!", Marjatta screamed. "But this could have had so many reasons! She reads a lot, maybe she read about that fat people get diabetes easier?! Or she fell in love and needed to lose some weight because this boy doesn't like curvy women?! Or she forgot eating because she had other problems, like her classmates who bullied her?!"  
"And as mother it's your task to watch your daughter and notice why she loses weight!", Teuvo shouted back.  
"She's your daughter too!", Marjatta screamed and Tarja covered her ears.  
"I don't have anorexia", she whispered. "Please stop fighting ..."

\---

A week later

Again she had stayed at home for a whole week. This time her religion teacher visited her everyday to bring and probably also explain her homework to her. Tarja had managed to eat normal again, after she had heard her parents fight because of her 'anorexia' she decided to believe them (she couldn't see that she had lost weight, but when she thought back it was only logic, since she had stopped eating besides the daily soup in the school cafeteria). From that time on she ate normal again and on Friday Mrs. Nieminen asked Tarja if she'd come into school following Monday again.  
"It's only two weeks left so I will", Tarja told her and Mrs. Nieminen nodded relieved.  
"Paula asks me about you everyday", she told her and Tarja beamed.  
"She does?"  
Mrs. Nieminen nodded. "She's concerned about you, I can see that. The whole class is. They didn't know you had anorexia."  
Tarja's smile slowly faded. The whole class? Oh god ...  
"I don't have anorexia", she said coldly. "If I had, the whole class had known about that. They would have seen that. I didn't see it."  
"Maybe you aren't anorexic but you lost a lot of weight -", Mrs. Nieminen started but Tarja cut her off.  
"And now I'm about to gain again", she said. "Thank you for your visits and see you on Monday."  
And Tarja shut the door.  
Two more weeks.  
Her hands trembled. She didn't care that she had just shut the door in front of her favourite teacher. Only two weeks were left, what should she do to her in those two weeks?  
Tarja went back to her room slowly. The whole class was concerned about her ... What a great joke.  
She put her headset on and closed her eyes, listening to the sound of Sarah Brightman's wonderful operatic voice. Oh, how she wished to be able to sing like her ...

The next day she only came down for dinner. She had spent the whole day making homework. Toni had bought her some chocolate and Tarja gladly accepted, which made her younger brother smile. The poor boy was only ten and Tarja doubted that he understood what was going on at the moment. Surely he sensed that something wasn't right but that was everything he understood.  
So at six in the evening she left her room for the first time that day (besides the times she needed to go to the toilet) as her mother called her. She knocked at Timo's room to tell him the dinner was ready, but her brother wasn't inside.  
Tarja shrugged and wanted to go downstairs but froze when she heard her mother say her name.  
"He only asks for Tarja?", she had asked.  
"Yes", Timo answered. "The first time he said he admires her voice and what she does but I didn't believe him, the second time he asked Toni to tell her he was here but luckily I could tell Toni not to do that before he told her. What did he say to you?"  
"That he misses her", Marjatta said and Tarja could hear that her mother was smiling. "And that he really needs to talk to her. I told him Tarja was staying at your grandparents' house for this week to gain some weight."  
Timo laughed. "You liar. But honestly, mother - what could he want from her?"  
"I don't know but he seems like a nice guy", Marjatta said and Timo snorted.  
"I bet her bullies send him to make her fall in love with him and then they destroy her completely."  
Tarja could hear her mother sigh and then call her name for a second time.  
Tarja's heart was beating as she came downstairs, but her mother and her brother didn't show any sign of that they had talked about her not a minute ago.  
Tarja was confused. Who was 'he'? Why was he concerned? Why didn't they tell her that he was looking for her?  
WHO WAS HE?

Tarja didn't want to ask them who he was, she was afraid of the answer. What if it was Joel? He had threatened to kill her if she sneaked ...  
Tarja went pale. It was Joel, it had to be him. He wanted to kill her.  
It just had to be Joel Hannula.  
"Are you okay, Tarja?", Teuvo asked as he crossed the room and saw his daughter sitting on the couch, a pack of chips next to her (he thanked God for that) but as white as a sheet.  
"I'm okay, father", Tarja said shyly. She didn't see her father often, somehow everytime he was at home she was gone and everytime she was at home, he was gone.  
Teuvo Turunen sighed and sat down next to his daughter. He put an arm around her and pulled her closer.  
Tarja leaned her head against her father's chest.  
"It's okay, you can tell me", the deep voice whispered in her ear.  
"Okay ... there is ... this boy ...", Tarja whispered.  
Teuvo smiled as he heard his daughter say this. This boy. He was sure she was talking about this black haired nerd who had already showed up thrice.  
"Oh, I guess I know what -", he started with a broad grin, but Tarja looked up to him and shook her head.  
"Not like this", she whispered and Teuvo watched the tears of his daughter fall in shock. "He ... he said ..."  
"Tarja", Teuvo said lowly. "What did he say?"  
Tarja swallowed and said very quietly: "That - if I ... if I sneak, he will - kill me."  
Following happened very quick. Tarja's father jumped up with a scream and Tarja almost fell on the floor.  
"HE SAID WHAT?!", her father yelled and Tarja bursted into tears.  
"I'm sure he doesn't mean it", she cried, but her father had already grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the kitchen.  
Marjatta watched the scene in shock, her husband had a red face and pulled her crying daughter after him.  
"Honey, what -"  
"That boy who shows up all the time and wants to talk to her - he wants to kill her!", Teuvo yelled and Marjatta let a plate crash on the floor.  
The plate broke but nobody cared.  
"He threatens her!", the elder man went on loudly. "Next time he shows up, call the police!"  
Marjatta nodded and then she pulled her daughter in a bone-crashing embrace. Both women cried quietly.  
Teuvo couldn't believe that his daughter had such an amount of bad luck.  
On the one side she had a wonderful singing voice and was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen, but on the other side she was anorexic, got bullied in school and now she even recieved death-threats.  
His thoughts and the crying of the women got interrupted by a sudden ringing of the doorbell and since his wife and daughter weren't capable for anything right now, Teuvo decided to open it.  
And he froze as he stared into his face.  
"YOU!", he screamed, pulled the boy in and shut the door behind them. "You dare to show up? You threat my daughter and dare to show up again?!"  
"He is here", Marjatta whispered in the kitchen and pressed her daughter against her protectively.  
Until her father pulled the boy into the kitchen.  
"Call the police, Marjatta", he said.  
Tarja looked up and her heart sank into her pants when she saw who her father was holding, no, clenching at his upper arm:  
A very scared and shocked Tuomas Holopainen.


	3. Chapter 3

"NO!", Tarja screamed and pushed her mother away. "This is not him! This is Tuomas, he isn't one of them!"  
She grabbed her father's arm.  
"Father, he's not the one who threatens me, he's innocent! Please let him go!"  
Teuvo let go and Tuomas reeled backwards, his eyes widened and his face scared, his hand rubbing his upper arm. He turned around and ran away.  
"Tuomas, wait!", Tarja shouted and ran after him, but Tuomas had already left the house.  
Tarja opened the door and desperately watched Tuomas jump on a black moped and rush away.  
Tarja went back into the house, where her parents already waited for her.  
"He's gone", she mumbled. "Tuomas is one of the people who don't laugh about me", she mumbled. "Can't you remember him, mother? He's Kirsti Nortia's son!"  
"Right, now I remember", Marjatta mumbled but then asked, "Okay, he doesn't laugh about you but he also doesn't help you, right?"  
Tarja shook her head.  
"I'm sorry for grabbing him but I honestly thought he was the one who threatens you", Tarja's father tried to explain himself.  
"No, he's nice", Tarja mumbled.  
"Then who's the boy who threatens you?"  
"His name is Joel Hannula and he's a real jerk, I'm sure he only said that without thinking -"  
"You won't go to school by bus for the last two weeks", Teuvo suddenly said. "Mari - I will bring her to school in the morning and you will pick her up in the afternoon."  
Tarja's mother nodded and Tarja sighed and left the living room. In her room she thought about calling Tuomas and ask him to meet her, it wasn't too late. But no, she probably would meet him in school tomorrow.  
Why would he want to talk with her? Suddenly it hit Tarja - Tuomas hadn't had an easy time last year for himself. There were a few guys who had picked on him because he spent evenings reading instead of going out, all he talked about was Lord of the rings and he was really, really smart but shy.  
Maybe he really wanted to help her?

The next day Tarja was a little nervous. First she had to apologise because of her father and then she had to find out what could be so important that Tuomas had tried to talk to her four times. Oh, and of course she was afraid that her classmates would do something to her again. She sighed as she decided to not use the eyeliner today. What sense did it make when nobody appreciated her try to be beautiful?  
Her father drove her to school, just as he had promised. He hugged her goodbye and told her to call him at work when something happened, his boss wouldn't mind.  
Tarja made her way to her locker and as she opened it, she immediately jumped back. But nothing came out, no foam fell on her this time.  
Tarja looked around and saw that a few people were looking at her, but nobody said something and nobody laughed.  
Tarja bit her lip as she put out the books the principal had given to her for the last weeks. They belonged to the school and were full of drawings and words and stuff.  
As she entered the classroom, it went quiet. All eyes were on her.  
Tarja searched for Tuomas' look but he avoided her eyes. Tarja could feel a sting in her heart. He was angry.  
She slowly got to her place and as she passed Joel's place, he coughed "Skeleton."  
"Joel!", Elli hissed and Tarja sat down on her place next to Rebekka, who didn't move away as usual.  
It was painfully quiet until the teacher arrived, it was so quiet that the teacher even thought they were playing a prank on him, but then he saw Tarja and he knew what was up.

"Tuomas, please wait", Tarja said desperately as she had reached him. He was already sitting on his moped, about to drive. Tarja could spot her waving mother and she waved back and pointed at Tuomas, who had put off his helmet again.  
"How is your arm?", Tarja asked and Tuomas pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to expose the bruise.  
Tarja gasped. "Oh shit - I'm so sorry!", Tarja whispered. "It's just ... He confused you with someone -"  
"He thought I would threaten you", Tuomas said and Tarja gulped. His voice was so soft, gentle and calm but also deep and rough in once - how could that even be possible?  
To be honest she had never really paid attention to it when he talked to his friends, maybe because they had only talked about fantasy movies and stuff. And when his friends weren't around, he hardly spoke a word.  
Tarja only nodded.  
"Who threatens you?", Tuomas asked lowly and Tarja noticed a sparkle in his eyes, his light blue eyes which looked a lot like the sky above them ...  
Tarja's mind was turning as she tried to escape from those deep eyes but it seemed she was a prisoner of his orbs.  
"J - Joel", she mumbled and Tuomas closed his eyes shortly, which made it possible for Tarja to look away as well. She concentrated on his nose instead, but hell - even his nose had something fascinating.  
"Joel", Tuomas growled and Tarja felt her heart jump at this growl. "Don't listen to him, Tarja, he's only a poser."  
Tarja nodded - she still had to calm down her fluttering heart after he had said her name.  
"Sorry again", she mumbled and looked at the bruise.  
"I've had worse injuries already", Tuomas answered and smiled at her. Tarja forgot to breathe for a second. His blue eyes seemed to smile as well as his perfect lips curled into a smile and showed a row of perfect white teeth.  
Perfect, he's so perfect, Tarja thought and quickly looked away.  
"I'm not going to tell anyone", Tuomas promised and put his hand on her shoulder. "Tarja ..."  
Tarja looked up and their eyes met again and suddenly Tuomas seemed a little insecure as well. "Joel won't do anything to you", he said and took his hand away slowly. "And I'm on your side. Me and my friends are - just be with us tomorrow. That's what I wanted to suggest to you everytime I visited you."  
Tarja nodded thankfully and smiled at him. and Tuomas smiled back.  
"I'll join", she promised him and Tuomas beamed.  
"Then see you tomorrow", he said and suddenly he sounded very excited.  
"See you", Tarja said with a wink and went to her mother's car.  
"He won't tell anyone about the bruise", she said as she sat down, without greeting her mother first.  
Marjatta sighed. "Your father will have to apologise for that."  
"He better does", Tarja said and as Marjatta drove past Tuomas who was just starting his moped, Tarja smiled at him through the window.  
"He seems really nice", Marjatta said with a light smile.  
"He is ...", Tarja whispered and ignored her mother's chuckle as she noticed the blush which had crept over her face.  
"Did he tell you why he wanted to talk to you?"  
Tarja nodded. "His friends and him want me to be in their clique ... I know there are only two weeks left, but -"  
"That's a good idea", Marjatta interrupted her. "You need friends now, no matter how much time of school is left. I feel ashamed that we sent him away everytime."  
"It's okay", Tarja said and stared out of the window again, stared into the sky.  
Tuomas' eyes had exactly the same colour, no doubt.

The next day Tarja had decided to dress a little different to fit into Tuomas' clique. They had a kind of a gothic style, nothing bad like only black leather but it was still different.  
Tarja wore a knee high black dress with a red leather jacket over it and black boots. The things were new, she had bought them (and a few other things) yesterday.  
"You look like a goth", Timo had grunted, but Tarja had only smiled. Her brother had something against Tuomas, she could feel that.  
As she left her father's car, Tuomas and his friends were already waiting for her. With a relieved sigh she determined that she hadn't overacted with her clothes. The blonde girl wore very short black leather pants and a tight leather jacket with short sleeves. Oh, and red high heels.  
"Tarja!", Tuomas said calmly (was he always so calm?) as she got closer.  
"Guys, you know Tarja?"  
The four others nodded. "Okay, this is Anja", Tuomas pointed at the blonde girl and she smiled at Tarja. "This is Milo, her boyfriend", Tuomas said and pointed at a guy with brown curls. Tarja nodded, she knew that they've been a couple for quite a while now. Anja and Milo. "That's Lenni", Tuomas said and the first blonde guy nodded at Tarja.  
"We know each other", Lenni said. "I was in the church choir until I left two years ago."  
"Oh, I remember!", Tarja said and smiled at Lenni.  
"And that's Erno", Tuomas finished the introducing and pointed at the tiny blonde.  
"I know Erno", Tarja said and the blonde boy laughed.  
"Tuo, where's your head?", he chuckled then. "We're in the same class! You're a little too excited, now calm down."  
Tarja smiled as she watched Tuomas blush a little and glare at Erno.  
"I'm only polite", he growled.

Tarja became friends quickly with Tuomas' friends. Especially her and Anja seemed to have a lot of fun (Tuomas was glad, since Anja always seemed to be pissed that she was the only girl in their clique). But also Erno and Tarja became close immediately, which didn't surprise Tuomas. Erno, Emppu he sometimes called him, had been his best friend for over a decade now. Emppu was the complete opposite of him, where Tuomas was calm he was wild, when Tuomas was in a bad mood, Emppu could cheer him up again.  
Anyway, Tarja got along with his friends and that was the most important thing for him right now. That Tarja was happy.  
He had watched the others long enough, how they planned and played pranks on her, how they had talked about her, ...  
He couldn't get why they had talked about her so badly. He watched Tarja, she was simply beautiful.  
She was laughing, her lips were parted and she was giggling madly. Emppu had just told her a joke and Tarja almost cried because of it.  
Tuomas smiled lightly. Tarja, Tarja, Tarja.  
He admired her so much. He had never seen such a beautiful creature like her, in the inside and the outside as well. She was so strong though she was so innocent ... She was so beautiful and talented but she didn't even acknowledge it ...  
"Tuomas?"  
Tuomas jumped a little as Anja called his name. "Yes?"  
"I asked if you want some ice cream ... Milo and I were about to buy some."  
"Eh - no, thank you", he said with a dry mouth. Had Anja noticed that his eyes were glued to Tarja? If she had, she didn't show it.  
Anja and Milo left and Tuomas wiped his sweaty hands on his shirt and stood up as well. He also left his room, Tarja seemed to be busy with listening to Emppu's tales and jokes.  
Tuomas went into the kitchen and opened the freezer, looking for something with alcohol.  
He just needed a little bit, he had to calm down his nerves. Tarja had spent the whole day and evening listening to Emppu and somehow that made him jealous ...  
He wanted Emppu to have a girlfriend. But not Tarja. Not his Tarja.  
Tuomas sighed. He knew that Tarja wasn't his but somehow he still thought about her like that.  
It had been her eyes - when their eyes had met the day before, Tuomas had lost his mind. He had admired her since the day he first saw her but yesterday, when their eyes had been locked, he had fallen in love with her. Madly.  
And how she had looked at him ... Then again, how she had avoided his look ... Her blush as he had touched her ...  
"What's up, Tuo?"  
Tuomas closed the freezer and looked right into Tarja's face. Her gaze wandered down and she grabbed the bottle of beer, pulling it out of his hand. "Being a bad boy?", she laughed. "If you tell me now you intended to drink that alone, I'll be mad at you."  
Tuomas smiled at the dark haired girl. "No", he said calmly. "Take a glass."  
Tarja smiled and moved to the cupboard, while Tuomas opened the bottle and split the inside into the glasses so both of them had the same amount.  
"So ...", he started. "Managed to escape Emppu's tales?"  
Tarja laughed. "I needed to see you ... alone", she said. "Emppu is ... nice." She carefully looked up to him. "But he is not you. You are my saviour, remember?"  
"Your saviour?" Tuomas grinned.  
"You saved me from the others", Tarja mumbled, a blush creeping over her cheeks again. "Thank you", she whispered, moved closer and pressed a small kiss on his cheek, before she grabbed her glass and went back to Tuomas' room with a beating heart. If she could only tell him that he had no reason to be jealous, not a single one.


	4. Chapter 4

When Tarja entered the classroom on Wednesday, a few looks were still on her (Paula's, Elli's, Rebekka's and Joel's), but everyone else ignored her.  
She wore black leather pants today (long ones) and a sleeveless black shirt with a smoking skull on it (she had thought long about if she should buy it or not. It was a smoking skull after all).  
Paula's look hung on her for a felt eternity, she could even feel her staring into her neck when she sat down next to Rebekka, who had now turned around to talk to Suvi (probably so she shouldn't have to look at Tarja).  
Only a minute after her, both Tuomas and Emppu came in.  
While Tuomas only smiled at her shyly, Emppu cried "Tarja, hey!" and went to her, holding up his hand. Tarja high-fived him and the boys went back to their desks.

After the lesson, Tarja turned around to go to her new friends, as someone called her name. Tarja turned left and saw that Paula looked at her.  
Tarja pressed her lips together as Paula approached her slowly, looking at her new style closely.  
"Nice look", she said and - to Tarja's surprise - it didn't even sound cold. "So you're very close with those goths now? Found a new best friend?"  
Paula looked at her with a cocked eyebrow and Tarja laughed icily.  
"Same as you", she answered and threw a short look at Elli and Rebekka.  
A few pupils left quickly, but others stayed to watch the starting bitch-fight.  
But luckily this fight didn't happen, someone grabbed Tarja's arm and pulled her away from Paula and out of the class before it could escalate.  
"Ignore her", Tuomas' soft voice growled into her ear and Paula was out of her mind within a second. She turned around to look at him.  
"My saviour", she said with a smile and watched his cheeks redden.  
With a giggle she linked their arms and they started walking to the laboratory for their next lesson, followed by various looks of almost every pupil.  
The two dark haired couldn't care less. Their arms were still entwined as they stood in front of the laboratory, waiting for Emppu to come back from the toilet.  
Paula sent a death glare into their direction as she passed them but both Tarja and Tuomas ignored that glare.  
"What are you doing tonight?", Tuomas asked.  
"Probably watching a movie with my family", Tarja answered. "And you?"  
"Probably I'll start reading Lord of the rings for a hundreth time."  
"How can you even read that?", Tarja laughed and as she saw Tuomas' hurt look she quickly added, "I mean, the story is great but it's so hard to read! The writing style is just complicated, and I'm a good and patient reader!"  
Tuomas shrugged. "I like the way it's written ...", he mumbled.  
"Hey - I appreciate that", Tarja said and squeezed the arm of the nerdy boy. Why couldn't she just tell him that she'd choose a man like him, who spent the night reading, wide over a man who spent the night in a bar? "I really enjoy spending time with a smart boy like you", she tried carefully.  
Tuomas didn't answer and Tarja was already afraid she had said too much, but then Tuomas looked down to her.  
"What are you going to watch?"  
"Probably a Disney movie", Tarja laughed. "My younger brother is only ten, so my older brother and I aren't allowed to watch horror movies and stuff like that." She rolled her green eyes and Tuomas swallowed. She was even beautiful when she was annoyed.  
"Sounds nice."  
Tarja beamed up to him. "You can join!"  
"I can -" Tuomas' mouth went dry.  
"Please come over", Tarja said with a pleading look. "It'd be so much more fun with you!"  
Tuomas laughed. "Okay but only if I'm allowed to choose my favourite Disney movie ..."

"Beauty and the beast? How cute", Tarja said with a smile as she put in the video tape he had brought.  
"It was my favourite as a little boy", Tuomas admitted. "And then Susanna got older and never watched it with me again. and I didn't want to watch it alone."  
"Afraid of the beast?", Tarja chuckled.  
"No, why would I?", Tuomas shrugged. "Remember, beauty is found within."  
Tarja's mouth slowly went open after he'd said that.  
"Wow, that was deep", she said and then laughed a little. "Do you write poems?"  
She stopped laughing as Tuomas' cheeks got red.  
"Tuomas!", she shouted. "You do write poems?"  
Tuomas didn't answer, but Tarja knew. Of course he did! Oh, that was so him.  
Tarja watched Tuomas take a seat on the couch as she heard a quiet cough from the door. Tarja turned to it and saw her little brother waiting in the doorframe, obviously not sure if he could enter. It probably disturbed him a little, seeing his sister and role model interact with a boy in her age ...  
"Don't you want to join, Toni?", Tarja asked, but Toni only watched Tuomas. A little scared.  
"Toni, this is Tuomas", Tarja said. "Tuo - my incapable of talking little brother."  
"Popcorn", Toni said.  
"No - Tuomas", Tuomas said slowly and Tarja bursted into laughter.  
"What?", Tuomas asked and Tarja wiped her eyes.  
"He didn't mean you. He wants some popcorn", Tarja explained and now Tuomas had to laugh as well.  
Toni eyed them suspiciously and then went to the kitchen.  
"What's up with them?", he asked and Marjatta smiled at her youngest son.  
"They're in love", she said with a light sigh.

The next day Tuomas and Tarja couldn't stop smiling at each other. They had watched Beauty and the beast together with Toni and Marjatta, who had prevented them from doing more than watching in peace and secretly holding hands (they couldn't cuddle, for example). But both didn't really care about that, both Tarja and Tuomas were quite shy when it came to those things. But now they held hands while waiting for their food in the cafeteria, while changing the classroom for a new lesson and while waiting for the bus (or in Tarja's case for her mother), they always sat together, they only had eyes for each other, they only talked and laughed with each other.  
Emppu, Anja, Milo and Lenni could talk about them while standing right next to them - they wouldn't hear it.  
But finally everyone else left Tarja alone. Sure, she was still subject number one in everyone's mouths, together with Tuomas, but finally she had found a reason to overhear them completely.

Right now they were waiting for the bus, holding hands again.  
Everyone looked at them, a few even whispered badly about them.  
Suddenly Tuomas pulled his Tarja a little away from the crowd, hiding behind a tree.  
Tarja could hear a few laughs and then Paula's annoyed "Oh, good God, guys! Just let them be and care about your own stuff!"  
"Did Paula just defend us?", Tarja asked, but Tuomas didn't react. He suddenly looked very unsure. "Tuo ...?", Tarja said softly and touched his upper arm.  
Tuomas sighed and put his hand into the pocket of his trousers, pulling out a sheet of paper.  
"I ... I wanted to show this to you. But first you have to promise you won't show or tell anyone!"  
"Tuo, what - of course I won't tell anyone!", Tarja promised and Tuomas gave the sheet to her with shivering hands.  
"I've never showed anyone before ... Not even Emppu. You're the first who ever sees this ..."  
Tarja opened the sheet and noticed a few lines written in a beautiful handwriting, his handwriting.  
'Remember the first dance we shared', she read. 'Recall the night you melted my ugliness away. The night you left with a kiss so kind, only a scent of beauty left behind.'  
"Wow - have you written that?", Tarja whispered and Tuomas nodded, his head hanging down.  
"It's not good though ..."  
"Are you crazy?", Tarja asked and read on.  
'I know my dreams are made of you - of you and only for you. Your ocean pulls me under, your voice tears me asunder, love me before the last petal falls.'  
"Wow ...", Tarja whispered again and thought, Which hidden meaning could this have?  
"Forever shall the wolf in me desire the sheep in you", Tarja read out loud and Tuomas got red once again. "Tuo, that is so amazing! Have you thought about songwriting before? Because this honestly sounds like a song to me!"  
"You really like it?" Tuomas sounded surprised.  
"Why wouldn't I? I love those lines! These words, oh my God! They are so deep! And -"  
Tarja couldn't talk further, Tuomas' soft lips met hers and Tarja shut her eyes immediately, which wasn't even necessary - Tuomas pulled away again, leaving back a speechless Tarja.  
"Thank you", Tuomas said.  
"No, thank YOU", Tarja answered with a turning mind.  
"For what?", Tuomas asked and Tarja grinned at him.  
"For donating this beautiful text to me", she said with a wink and hid the piece of paper beneath her jacket.  
"I didn't -", Tuomas began, but this time it was Tarja's turn with shutting him up with a kiss.  
And again it worked, only this time Tarja slung her arms around his neck and pressed her body against him, while Tuomas put his hands on her waist gently.  
Tarja deepened the kiss a little but not too much, their lips moved with each other in a shy way. Tarja's heart was beating crazily and she could feel Tuomas' heart beating as well, since their chests were pressed against each other.  
Tuomas was about to go crazy, this warm, soft, womanly upper body was touching his chest, her gentle lips were between his lips, his nostrils were filled with her amazing scent.  
He slowly parted his lips and was glad as Tarja did the same, he could feel her tongue run along his lower lip, and gave hers a welcoming touch with his.  
He could hear Tarja sigh and shyly exploring his lips with her tongue, so he pulled her hips a little closer to his and moved his hands upwards again to caress her waist fondly - when a loud honk interrupted them.  
They jumped apart, their faces deep red.  
Tarja's mother was watching them through an opened car window, unpatiently waving at Tarja. "Come on, find an end already!", she shouted out of the window and Tarja could feel tears in her eyes.  
She didn't even look at Tuomas for a last time, she was too embarrassed by her mother. If she saw Tuomas' face now, she'd probably lose it.  
So she only stepped to the car, her ears burning.  
The angry girl sat down and glared at her mother. "Don't say a word!", she scolded and Marjatta started the car.  
When they were out of Tuomas' sight, Marjatta began to laugh happily.  
"Mother!", Tarja sobbed and wiped off the angry tears. "How - how could you?! You embarrassed me! It w - was our first kiss!"  
"Awww, I'm sorry, baby", Marjatta giggled. "But there will be a lot more following - and I saw you. I didn't want you to get laid on the street."  
"Mother!"  
Marjatta let a out another laugh. "Patience, darling. No one has ever reached something with rush."  
Of course Tarja knew that her mother was right, but she ignored her laughs for the rest of the drive. She rather concentrated at the fact she had kissed Tuomas and it had grown.  
The sheet with the poems that he had given to her seemed to pulsate in her jacket as she thought about him.


	5. Chapter 5

On Friday morning Tarja had no eyes for her mother because the woman still giggled like a little schoolgirl whenever she looked at her daughter. She wanted to tell her so badly how cute she found her and Tuomas - but she couldn't. She was afraid that it maybe wouldn't last if she told her now, that she maybe was a little too rush. And after all she had told her daughter for herself that no one had ever reached something with rush.  
As her father drove Tarja to school, she only stared out of the window. It was raining and the sky was gray, so there was no chance in seeing Tuomas' eye colour up there.  
Patience, she told herself. Soon you'll see his real eyes.  
She smiled. She was addicted to his eyes. And his voice. And oh, how she longed for his touch ...  
Tarja shivered. It was the first time she had ever felt like that, the very first time she had longed for a person like that.  
"Is everything okay?", Teuvo asked and Tarja nodded.   
"I'm only a little afraid", she blurted out.  
"Does this Joel guy still bother you?"  
"No, luckily he leaves me alone. But ... I'm a little afraid anyway. Nothing has happened to me in four days ..."  
"I'd rather be happy", Teuvo said. "I guess I really have to thank that Holopainen boy."  
"His name is Tuomas", Tarja said and looked at her father. "And you still have to apologise to him for hurting him."  
"I'll do when I see him for the next time", Tarjas father mumbled not really happy and parked the car away from the school's entrance.  
"Well, today's a lucky day for you, then", Tarja said with a grin as she saw Tuomas waiting with an umbrella right next to the street. As he saw her, his face lit up and Tarja got a little shock - he wore no glasses today. And he looked different, but in a good way.  
He approached the car and Tarja opened the door, pulling him down immediately.  
"I'm waiting", she said and her father reached out his hand for Tuomas. "I'm Teuvo", he offered and Tuomas took it nervously. The two shook hands stiffly and Tarja rolled her eyes. Men. "I've heard about your arm - I'm very sorry for that."  
"It's okay, Mr. Turunen", Tuomas said. "It's already gone. And I understand that you only wanted to protect your daughter."  
"Anyway", Tarja's father continued. "Thank you very much for ... pulling my daughter out of her hole -"  
He got quiet when he saw Tarja's hand sliding into the boy's hand and the boy sqeezing it.  
"And - not giving up in making her feel comfortable", he continued a little unsure. Comfortable. They seemed very comfortable in holding hands ...  
"Are you done?", Tarja asked unpatiently and her father leaned back in his seat.  
"You have very terrible mood swings", he informed his daughter and Tarja laughed dryly before she crashed the door close.  
As her father drove away, Tuomas cupped Tarja's face with one hand, his other hand was still holding the umbrella. "I'm not sure if he likes me ..."  
"I don't care, as long as I like you", Tarja whispered.  
"True", Tuomas answered and locked their eyes.  
Tarja's heart was beating madly, his eyes were even bluer without the glasses.  
"Where are your glasses?", Tarja asked.  
"At home", Tuomas chuckled. "I got contact lenses yesterday. I really need to change my style, Tarja."  
"Why?", Tarja asked and linked their arms as they began to walk towards the entrance.  
Tuomas lifted his shoulders. "It's a little embarrassing."  
"Tuoooomaaas", Tarja whined and pulled at his arm. "You've already told me you love Beauty and the beast, what could be more embarrassing?"  
Tuomas laughed. "I'll tell you another time ... Today evening?" He looked at her hopefully.  
"If this is your way of asking me out ... I'd love to", Tarja said and Tuomas' heart started to flutter. He wanted to kiss her, but now they were inside the school building and everyone stared at them and their entwined arms. So he decided not to kiss her.

During the first lesson, Tarja suddenly recieved a piece of paper.  
Rebekka gave it to her and Tarja wondered from who it could be - and of course it was from Tuomas. He had written her name on it in his beautiful handwriting and Tarja opened it with shivering hands, wondering about why he hadn't given it to her face to face. She was sure someone had looked at it ...  
But as she had opened it, she only could see some strange signs which obviously seemed to mean something.  
Tarja rolled her eyes. This nerd - was that Elvish?  
Tarja shook her head and put the paper in the inside pocket of her leather jacket. 

"Did you recieve my letter?", Tuomas asked her in the break as he let himself fall down next to her on a bench and Tarja put her hands on her waist, giving the umbrella back to him.  
"Yes but sadly I don't speak Elvish", she said and Tuomas' eyes beamed.  
"But you recognised the language", he said happily.  
Tarja laughed. "I figured it was Elvish. Now tell me what it means."  
Tuomas pulled her close and whispered into her ear:  
"I hear you through the symphonic voices of nature, the purity I could never doubt. They tell me to lie on the grass and observe my saviour, the one crucified to the chirping of birds."  
Tarja's cheeks were red when he got away and looked at her. "My saviour", she whispered and Tuomas took her hand.  
"Tarja ... I'm so happy you're okay ... I was so worried about you for the last weeks ..."  
"The last weeks?", Tarja asked stunned.  
"You stopped eating and only concentrated on singing ... You lost weight very fast and -"  
"I'm gaining again", Tarja said annoyed. She hated it when people told her how much weight she had lost, only because she had concentrated a little too much on her singing.  
"I know. You wanted to know why I was worried", Tuomas explained. "The truth is ... I'm watching you for a year now."  
Tarja remained quiet. Did that mean she had a secret admirer for already a year? He admired, maybe even loved her for a year??  
Tarja suddenly felt a little ashamed, she had never really noticed him ... Truth be told, singing was the most important thing to her, especially in the last year. She wanted to study it, so she had neglected everything else ... But if Tuomas was watching her for a year now ... Were the poems about her, then?  
"T - Tarja?", Tuomas mumbled. "I'm only happy you're okay."  
"Since when do you write poems?", Tarja asked and Tuomas' cheeks went pink.  
"Why?"  
"Since when? Just answer me."  
"I - uhm ... For about three years", Tuomas said and Tarja smiled a little sadly. For a second she had really thought he had started writing poems because of her. Concerning the words of his poems it could make sense ...  
They sat there, holding each others hands, until Tuomas leaned in as good as possible with the umbrella between them, but when their lips were about to touch (they were only an inch apart from each other), they got interrupted by a "Whoop! Go, Tuo! Go, Tarja!"  
The two black haired groaned as they parted and both glared at a beaming Emppu.  
"Don't you have something else to do, Erno!?", Tuomas asked him and Emppu pretended as if he would think about it.  
"Uhm - no. But you can continue, I won't disturb you. But of course I'll watch to learn something."  
But Tarja stood up and took Tuomas with her. "I'm going inside", she informed him. "See you later, okay?"  
"I'll go with you", Tuomas said quickly and Tarja could sense a little bit of panic in his voice, but she shook her head.  
"I think you should stay with Emppu, otherwise he'll get jealous", she said and gave Tuomas a quick kiss on his cheek. "See you."  
And then she turned around and quickly ran back inside.

As she entered the school with dripping clothes, she was a little afraid. Her saviour and protector wasn't with her, she was alone.  
Tarja's heart almost stopped after she stepped into the toilet to change her clothes to dry ones and saw Paula standing at the sink, washing her hands.  
Tarja turned around quickly and wanted to leave again as Paula called her name.  
Tarja didn't look at her, she stared at the door while clenching her fists. "What?", she said lowly.  
"Okay, listen ...", Paula started. "I'm really, really sorry about what I did ... Tari, I miss you ... You are my best friend ..."  
"I was", Tarja said coldly and finally turned around. Paula looked at her with pleading eyes, she looked hurt and as if she meant the apology.  
"I miss my best friend", Paula whispered. "And it hurts seeing her with her new friends ..."  
"What about your new friends?", Tarja said coldly. "Don't you think it hurts me as well??"  
"They only use me ... I know they don't like me", Paula said weakly.  
"Well", Tarja began, but suddenly she noticed tears in Paula's eyes.  
"I ... I never wanted to hurt you ... It was Elli's idea to put foam into your locker and also Elli pressed your face into it. And Rebekka glued the pages of your book together. And Joel hit you with the food."  
"And threatened me", Tarja added.  
"He's a pretty dumb boy", Paula said. "He would never kill you."  
Tarja said nothing and Paula started to sob a little. "I'm ... I'm s-so sorry Tari ... Forgive me, p-please ..."  
Tarja sighed. Paula used to be her best friend for five years ... Should she really give up that friendship so easily?  
"Paula - I can't forgive you yet", she said icily and Paula's gaze moved to the floor. "But Paula, you know me. I'm not like that ... You'll get another chance. Show me you mean it and I'll figure out what I want to do next."  
Paula's eyes beamed. "I can show you tonight right after practice. The orchestra practices until nine, as you know - meet me after that?", she asked hopefully.  
I have a date with Tuomas ..., Tarja thought and bit her lip. "Paula, I ..."  
But Paula looked at her with such a pleading look, Tarja had to sigh. "Okay. I'll pick you up from the practice."

"So you'll meet Paula instead?", Tuomas asked. Tarja nodded.  
"I'm sorry to dump you, but I really need to talk to her ... Somehow she's still my best friend."  
"It's okay", Tuomas answered and smiled at her. "I'm happy she talks to you again! And I can't believe that Elli pressed your head into the locker ..."  
"I know", Tarja said bitterly. "I've always known that she was the worst of this fucking clique." Tuomas smiled at her. "What?", Tarja asked.  
"You're so cute when you swear", he chuckled and Tarja laughed.  
"I'm cute while swearing?"  
"You're always cute", Tuomas admitted quietly and Tarja took his hand.   
"Tuo ... I wish I could meet you instead of Paula today ...", she whispered and stepped a little closer, checking that no one looked. And no one did. "But I have to talk to her ..."  
"I understand that", Tuomas said and carefully added, "But let's meet tomorrow?"  
Tarja nodded. "Of course! You still have to tell me why you want to change your look!"  
Tuomas grimaced and Tarja pressed a quick kiss on his lips. "I'll call you tomorrow", she said. "See you."  
She turned around, but Tuomas grabbed her hand and pulled her back. He lifted her hand up and brushed his lips over it. "See you, Milady", he said lowly and again Tarja had to calm down this excited feeling that welled up in her body. Sure, he was different, but this made him perfect in her eyes.

It was already five minutes after nine and Tarja stood in front of the school. She was pretty nervous, though she knew she didn't have to be. Paula used to be her best friend and after all she hadn't changed that much, right?  
Ten after nine. Tarja got unsure. She knew that sometimes the practice lasted longer than nine, but she also knew that, if someone had plans, he or she could go earlier.  
Tarja leaned back on the bench and hummed a song she had heard a few hours ago in the radio. She was happy about the rain which fell on her umbrella and hushed her voice a bit. This way she could sing louder.  
"Remember the first dance we shared", she suddenly sang in a random melody. "Recall the night you melted my ugliness away." Tarja smiled. These sentences were, to be honest, some pretty good lyrics for a song.  
Five more minutes and Tarja stood up, walking to the school. With a sigh she opened the hell's door and walked in, following the sound of the music.  
In front of the musicroom she wondered if she could go inside and decided to to it when the song came to an end.  
Tarja knocked, opened the door - and saw that no one was inside.  
Only the record player was making a sound, and soon a new song started. Tarja shook her head and walked inside, turning off the player.  
Paula had disappointed her. Again.  
She swallowed the tears and tried to think positive - at least now she could visit Tuomas.  
But as she turned around to leave again, the lights went off and the door crashed close. She could hear the clicking of the lock when someone locked her in the dark inside of the room and then she could hear a few evil laughs.  
"Hello!", Tarja screamed, her head glowing. "Elli!"  
"No Elli here!", Paula screamed and laughed. "Only me and Joel!"  
"Die, Tarja, die!", Joel shouted and Paula laughed again.  
"You don't deserve to live", Paula told her through the door. "I hope they'll find you on Monday, starved."  
Tarja broke together. "Paula - how could you?!", she sobbed and let her whole body fall on the floor.  
"The most important thing for you is yourself. You only talk about yourself and your singing. You don't care about me. You only love yourself", Paula said and Tarja began to cry.  
"That - that's not true ... Please let me out, Paula, we can talk."  
"Forget it!", Paula hissed.  
Joel added "Die!" once again and then they left laughing.  
And Tarja didn't even bother to look for the lights, she stayed at the cold floor, locked in a dark room alone, crying.


	6. Chapter 6

Tuomas was waiting for her to call. He knew he could call her too but somehow he was too shy.  
He hated himself for his shyness but he knew that he couldn't change it, Tarja was so perfect and it had needed all if his courage to visit her. And not giving up visiting her. But one thing he was sure about, he was really afraid of calling her.  
Tuomas sighed as he threw the piece of paper away he had already written. His head was empty, he could only think of Tarja. Today he would meet her. They would go out. They would kiss again.  
Tuomas pressed his hands on his face as she started grinning like a fool. He loved her, he loved her so much. He secretly loved her for more than a year now. If he had to be honest, he had fallen in love with her voice first, had fallen in love with the voice before he had seen the owner of it. She had sung from above and he hadn't seen her but he could still recall the second time he had heard her singing in church - she had worn a long white dress, her hair had been curly and dark and her skin had been so white and shiny ... She had looked like an angel.  
And then she had openen her mouth to sing - and Tuomas had almost died. It had been the voice he had fallen in love with and the owner of it was an angel. He knew she had to be an angel.  
And since that day he only went to church because of her.  
He was ashamed that he had never really paid attention to her in school, but she had always stuck together with Paula and a few others, so he hadn't even tried to think of her. She had been too much out of his reach anyway.  
But now they were about to become a couple, he, the shy nerd, was about to come together with her, the beautiful angel.  
An angelface smiles to me under a headline of tragedy. That smile used to give me warmth ...  
Tuomas stared at the lines unhappy, before he threw this paper away as well.  
Tarja, Tarja, Tarja.  
It was already four in the afternoon and she hadn't called.  
With a sigh Tuomas stroke over the scars on his arm. They weren't visible anymore, the doctors had done a good job ... But soon he would tell Tarja about his not so happy past.  
It got later and Tuomas had written a few new lines.  
Needed elsewhere to remind us of the shortness of our time.  
Farewell, no words to say, beside the cross on your grave.  
He was thinking of a way to connect these lines to a poem. He massaged his temples and sighed lowly. He would never be able to impress her with that ... His English was just so bad.  
He threw the paper he was writing at away and started a new one.  
Plan A, he wrote, the most probable one: study literature.  
Plan B, the not so probable but still doable one: study English.  
Plan C, the most improbable one: found a band and get successful with it.  
Yes, Tuomas wanted to be a musician since he was a little boy. He played piano, clarinet and saxophone and had a pretty good sense of hearing for music. He wrote the texts, wishing they'll someday would become songs (even though he found them bad, that's why he wanted to study English or literature) and he even invented melodies to those texts.  
Tuomas wondered what Tarja wanted to do after the last week of school. Probably something with her voice. Was it possible to study singing arond Kitee? Probably not. Maybe she would be able to study music in Helsinki.  
Tuomas groaned and stood up. He was so unhappy with his life at the moment. He was waiting for the girl he loved to call him, too shy for calling her for himself. He was too exhausted to write any good poems. He was too excited to just lie there and listen to music or read a book ...  
He threw himself on his bed and pressed his hands on his eyes. He needed to talk to Tarja. He had promised her to tell her why he wanted to change his look (first, he liked a special kind of a rockstar look and second, he wanted her to like his looks) and he had promised her to take her out.  
He thought about where he could take her, cinema was just too mainstream. Did she like to take walks along a lake or in a wood?  
Pain tore at Tuomas' heart as he noticed how little he knew about Tarja. He knew how beautiful she was, that she had the voice of an angel, that she had been bullied and that she liked his poems. Oh, and that she wasn't shy at all, she had kissed him first.  
All of these reasons made him love her, but he had to be honest - he really didn't know her well.  
That's why you want to meet her, he thought. Because you want to get to know her better.  
A sudden knock interrupted his thoughts and he sat up as his sister came in.  
"There's someone on the telephone for you", Susanna informed him. "A girl." She wiggled her brows.  
Tuomas' heartbeat fastened. "Who?"  
"Forgot her name. But her last name was ... Tarunen?"  
"Turunen?" Tuomas asked hopefully.  
Susanna shrugged. "Possible."  
Tuomas jumped up and ran down, jumping from the third step. With a bump he landed on the floor and almost flew to the telephone.  
He grabbed it, took a deep breath and finally held it against his ear. "Tarja?", he breathed.  
"It's me, Marjatta", Tarja's mother answered and Tuomas' heart almost stopped.  
"Mrs. Turunen!", he said surprised. Had something happened to Tarja??  
Tarja's mother first didn't answer and then she whispered:  
"So you don't know where she is?"  
Tuomas closed his eyes and slowly breathed in and out. His heart was beating so crazy right now.  
"No", he whispered.  
"She didn't come home yesterday", Marjatta said and let out a little sob.  
"She - she met Paula in the evening", Tuomas mumbled. "Maybe she stayed with her ..."  
"She would have called today", Marjatta said with a hig pitched voice. "And as I called, her mother told me that Tarja wasn't with them. Paula had come from the orchestra practice alone."  
Tuomas pressed his lips together. Orchestra practice. What a liar this Paula was. Anja was in the same orchestra, and as he had met her and the others the evening before, Anja had mentioned that today's practice had been quit because the chorus leader had gotten ill.  
"Maybe she stayed with Anja, Mrs. Turunen", Tuomas tried to calm her down.  
"Anja?", Marjatta asked a little unsure.  
"Our friend, she is also in the orchestra. Maybe Paula has dumped her and Tarja went with Anja."  
"Could you give me her number?", Marjatta asked.  
"I'll call her", Tuomas lied. He knew what was up.  
"Lock her in the music room!", Paula had hissed and Joel had laughed.  
"Only if you help me."  
Tuomas had had no idea who they had meant and if they had been serious but now he knew.  
"Okay, tell me then", Marjatta whispered. "She has never stayed away so long without calling."  
"I will", Tuomas promised and then hung up.  
And he immediately dialled Anja's number, who picked up after only a second (probably she had waited for her boyfriend to call).  
"Anja? Sorry to disappoint you but it's only me."  
"Tuomas? You aren't with Tarja right now?", Anja laughed.  
"I need you and the key for the school's music room!", he shouted and Anja almost let the phone fall down.  
"Quick - it could be possible that we have to save a life."

Only ten minutes later they stepped through the cold and empty school.  
"This is so creepy", Anja mumbled. "I'm honestly waiting for one of the teachers to jump out of a classroom and kill us. Do you really think Tarja could be here?"  
"I really think that, Anja", Tuomas answered. "I told you what they said."  
"Yes but I know Paula", Anja mumbled. "I don't think that she would do that ... Okay, she can be pretty mean but this ..."  
Tuomas didn't answer. He knew she was there, he could feel it ...  
Lock her in the music room.  
Why lock her there? Because she liked singing? Why locking her in any case?  
"Ok", Anja mumbled and put the key into the lock.  
Tuomas pushed the door open. "Tarja!", he called in the dark room but no one answered.  
"No one's there", Anja whispered, but went to the light swich anyway, which didn't work though.  
"The main switch!", Tuomas said. "In the basement. They always turn the energy completely down during weekend, I guess."  
"Then go down and switch it -", Anja started, but she got interrupted by a noise.  
It sounded like a stertorous breathing, a breathing that called his name quietly. "Tuo ..."  
"Tarja?!", Tuomas gasped and went into the dark room. "Where are you?!"  
"Anja ...", Tarja sobbed quietly and Anja entered as well.  
"Tell me where you are, Tarja!", she pleaded. "You know I know that room by heart."  
"Somewhere in the corner ... Close to the music stands ..."  
Without a word Anja grabbed Tuomas' hand and pulled him where Tarja had told them, carefully trying not to step on the dark haired girl by accident.  
Finally her foot pushed against something soft and she pulled Tuomas down.  
"Tari?", Tuomas said softly and Tarja let out a little sigh.  
"I thought I would die", she said and Tuomas' heart almost broke. What would he have done without her?  
"Luckily you didn't", Anja said angrily. "And I will so kill Paula and Joel."  
Tuomas put his arms around Tarja's body and pulled her up, gently caressing her back while he lifted her into his arms.  
"Why do you know that they -", Tarja began weakly.  
"I'll tell you tomorrow", Tuomas answered and pressed her close to his body, feeling like a hero when Tarja wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled her face into his throat, kissing it gently. "And Anja, you won't kill someone. We'll tell Tarja's mother and she will tell the police."  
Anja mumbled something that Tuomas didn't understand, but honestly he didn't care. He carried his Tarja in his arms ...  
Finally they stepped  out of the dark school into the light Saturday evening. Tarja looked pale and tired.  
"I'll bring you home", Tuomas informed he as he carried her to Anja's car, but Tarja shook her head lightly.  
"Bring me to your house ... I don't want my mother to see me like that ..."  
And while Anja rounded the car, Tarja's lips wandered up to Tuomas' ear. Quietly she whispered:  
"And please stay with me for the night."


	7. Chapter 7

"Mother? Can Tarja sleep here tonight?"  
Kirsti eyed Tarja concerned and then nodded. "Of course. Shall I call her mother to tell her she's okay?"  
"That would be great", Tuomas answered and then he led Tarja upstairs. She laid down on his bed and closed her eyes.  
"Does she need something?", Susanna asked from the door.  
"Tarja?", Tuomas asked. "Tea? Coffee? Something to eat?"  
"A little later maybe", Tarja mumbled. She knew it wasn't good but she wasn't hungry at all.  
Tuomas sighed and as Susanna left, he laid down next to her, put his arm around her and held her close. "All will be fine", he whispered into her ear and then kissed first her earlobe, then her cheek and her nose.  
Tarja smiled at him and pressed her lips on his softly. "Can I stay here? In your bed, I mean", she whispered and stroked over the bed.  
"Of course!", Tuomas said nervously. "You are my ... girlfriend, so ..."  
Both Tarja's and Tuomas' hearts were beating as their eyes locked.  
"I am", Tarja whispered close to his lips and soon their lips were busy with caressing each other gently in a delicate and almost shy way.  
They hadn't kissed for even a minute, when Susanna interrupted them.  
"Sorry for disturbing", she said loudly and the black haired quickly stopped kissing and stared at Susanna. "Tarja, my mother said you have to eat. Now."  
"I'm not hungry", Tarja tried to protest but Tuomas pulled her up.  
"She is right. Come on", he said and together they went downstairs.  
Kirsti had put the soup on the table already and was currently setting the table. She smiled at the hand-holding teenagers who both had a slight red colour on their cheeks. It was obvious that they had finally found each other after some hard times.  
They sat down next to each other and Kirsti smiled at Tarja. "Nice to see you again, by the way", she said and Tarja smiled at her first piano teacher, who now put some soup in her bowl.  
"I miss you in music school", she said and Kirsti sighed.  
"To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever come back. You know the reasons why I left."  
Tarja nodded and stared at her soup.  
"Please eat", Tuomas mumbled. "You haven't had something in a day."  
"Right, I wanted to tell you something", Kirsti suddenly said. "After Anja has brought you two here, she drove to Tarja's house and told her mother everything."  
"So my mother already knows?", Tarja asked weakly.  
"Yes and she'll pick you up tomorrow morning."  
"Okay", Tarja whispered and slowly began to eat her soup, every movement followed by Tuomas, Kirsti and Susanna. Tarja looked up to them and they started eating quickly.  
Tarja giggled. "You don't have to watch me."  
Tuomas pressed a quick kiss on her cheek. "I know but I like looking at you."  
"Me too", Kirsti said. "I've already forgotten how pretty you are."  
"And I just like to look at the girlfriend of my brother", Susanna added and Tarja stared at her bowl, deep red. She wasn't used to get so much attention, yet love. Usually her brothers got all the attention, Timo was the one who received attention because he was the oldest and Toni did because he was the youngest.  
Tarja in the middle felt a little like no one cared about her (besides lately, of course).  
Tuomas suddenly put his hand on hers and squeezed it lightly. Tarja smiled, knowing that it was official. They were together.

"Good night, Tarja", Tuomas whispered into her ear and kissed her cheek, before he turned off the light and rolled over to her.  
"Tuo ... I'm afraid of darkness", Tarja mumbled and Tuomas switched on the light on his nightstand again.  
"Sorry", he whispered and laid down next to her again. He took her hands and lifted them up, while he locked his blue eyes with her green ones.  
"You don't have to be afraid. I am with you, even though this wasn't exactly the date I intended it to be ..."  
"Tuomas ...?", Tarja only whispered and freed her hands from his, putting them on his shoulders and travelling them up and down gently. "We still ... can turn this night into a night we'll never forget ..." She bit her lip.  
Tuomas didn't answer and Tarja got a little closer. Her hands wandered deeper and soon she caressed the skin beneath the edge of his shirt while her face got closer to his.  
"I've thought about us all the time while I was locked in the music room ... I trust you. And I want you", she mumbled into his ear and slowly inserted her hands beneath his shirt. But he took her hands and put them away from his naked skin.  
"Tari ...", he said with a smile. "I want you too, but don't you think it's a little ... early?"  
"Tuomas, how did you feel when we first kissed?", Tarja asked. "Or everytime we touched? It's right, it's okay. We are made for each other."  
"It's really romantic of you to say that", Tomas whispered. "And I think the same. But still ..."  
"Okay", Tarja sighed and turned around. "Good night, then."  
Now Tuomas bit his lower lip. She sounded disappointed ... did she really want him that much? Need him that much? Tuomas knew he needed and wanted her for more than a year, that he loved her deeply for more than a year ... Could she feel the same for him after only a week?  
Tarja closed her eyes and tried to breathe slowly. She was a little embarrassed by how he had dumped her need ... She had no idea why she suddenly wanted it. But maybe because she knew that Tuomas was the one? She felt ready, no doubt.  
Tuomas put his arm around her and snuggled closer, spooning her from behind. His left hand found a way to her stomach and he drew soft circles on it.  
"Tarja", he said lowly. "I'm unsure ... I've never been ... intimate with someone before", he confessed.  
"Me neither", Tarja answered, her heart fluttering. "I ... I want you to be my first."  
Tuomas swallowed as the space in his boxers got a little tighter. "But ... But does it have to be now? I mean, I hope we'll be together long enough to wait for a proper amount of time ..."  
"You are right", Tarja answered and turned around, putting her hands on his chest. "Then let's just start like every couple does in the beginning of a relationship." Her lips met his, gently first, but when he started to respond the kiss, her lips moved faster and her movements got more longing. And finally their tongues touched for the first time.  
Tarja sighed and Tuomas moaned as their tongues began to dance with each other, caressing each other, tasting every inch of the other's mouth. Tarja let her hands wander up and down his chest and Tuomas caressed her waist. He pulled her close and Tarja ripped her eyes open and gasped as she could feel his hardness against her thigh.  
Tuomas pulled away. "S - sorry", he said quickly.  
"Why?", Tarja asked and Tuomas held his breath when her hand travelled down. "Why ...", she repeated in a light whisper and put her hand on his tight boxers, massaging the hard spot gently.  
Tuomas closed his eyes and suppressed a loud moan, instead of that he just opened his mouth. Tarja swallowed and put her hand on his stomach now, slowly dragging her hand down. And then she entered his boxers, snuck down and put his erected manhood in her hand.  
She couldn't believe it. It was the first time she had ever touched a boy like this and she knew that he had never been touched like that. They both were complete virgins.  
As she began stroking him carefully, he let out a gasped "Tarja ..."  
"Just enjoy it", Tarja whispered, leaned down and kissed his lips gently.  
"But ... But ..." Tuomas swallowed and put his hands on her waist.  
Tarja put one leg over his pelvis and carefully sat down on his thighs. "Do you want to lead?", she whispered. She could feel his nervousness, she was nervous as well. But she knew he was quite shy, so she wanted him to take the lead to avoid hurting him somehow.  
"I've never done -", he started again, but Tarja silenced him with a soft kiss.  
"Me neither", she repeated. "But if you want to wait ..."  
She locked their eyes and Tuomas caressed her hips. He knew she was the one. "Okay ... Let's do it."  
He carefully rolled her over and pulled up her shirt, slowly exposing her round breasts which seemed to be poured into her bra. He kissed her flat stomach, admired her thin and delicate waist, caressed her womanly hips. Her skin was so soft and pale, and Tuomas couldn't believe that this perfect woman wanted him to make her his. Wanted him to be her first.  
The black haired breathed quietly and when Tuomas pulled her panties down, her eyes were closed and her lips parted. Tuomas almost died at the sight of her private parts and he tried hard not to sink his mouth between those silky thighs and never leave again from that sweet juices that waited only for him.  
He hovered over her and reached for the drawer of his nightstand. He had condoms (he didn't like to be unprepared), he just hadn't known how early he'd need them.  
Tarja felt how he reached down to put the condom on himself and suddenly she got even more nervous. It was time, soon it was over. And she couldn't turn the time back and undo it.  
She closed her eyes and gasped as she could feel Tuomas bury himself into her. He tried to be careful but it hurt as hell.  
"Ouch", she gasped and ripped her eyes open. Tuomas looked at her with wide open eyes.  
"Does it hurt?", he asked concerned and noticed with a shock that the girl beneath him had tears in her eyes.  
"Like hell", she whispered quietly.  
"Okay, relax", Tuomas mumbled and slowly pulled himself out. "I'll try again", he informed her and Tarja nodded, parting her legs a little more and trying to relax.   
He did, but this time Tarja grabbed his shoulders and panted in pain. "Ouch, oh fuck, it hurts, oh damn -!", she whimpered and Tuomas pulled himself out once again.  
"Tari", he said calmly as Tarja began to cry quietly. She turned her face so she didn't have to look at him, but Tuomas cupped her face. "Tari, look at me ...", he pleaded. "It's not bad, you aren't ready ..."  
"I ... I thought", Tarja whimpered, "I thought I was. Oh god, how embarrassing ..."  
"No", Tuomas whispered and kissed her lips. "Listen, I'll go to the bathroom to get rid of the condom and then I'll come back and we'll talk about it like we should have talked before ..."  
Tarja nodded and covered her face with her hands. She was so embarrassed. First she had wanted it madly and then she wasn't ready ...  
Tuomas got off of her and Tarja wanted to die of embarrassment. Why hadn't she stopped after he had told her it was too early?!  
Tuomas came back, dressed in only boxershorts. Tarja bit her lip when her eyes met his naked upper-body and she looked away. He was so sexy ... And she was still naked!  
While Tuomas crawled back to her bed, she quickly pulled up her panties again.   
A little pain was still there, it tugged on her insides and made her wonder if she bleeded ...  
Tuomas circled his arm around her and kissed her shoulder. "My beautiful", he whispered. "I told you it would be better to wait."  
"I know", Tarja mumbled. "But I was afraid ..."  
"Of what? That I'll leave you?" Tuomas looked at her seriously and after some intense stares Tarja nodded weakly.  
"Why?", Tuomas asked. "Tell me, please ... You can tell me everything, Tarja."  
Tarja smiled and kissed him. "I know", she said after some sweet kisses. "I'm not really self-confident, you know? I'm just afraid that I could bore you ..."  
Tuomas stared at her shocked. "Tarja - are you crazy? You are the most beautiful, wonderful, stunning and amazing girl, woman, I've ever seen! You can't believe how hard I try not to look down at your body right now!"  
Tarja giggled as she got red. "But you may", she said and Tuomas shut her mouth with his lips.  
"I know", he whispered. "After I'm done here I will. Tarja, you could never bore me! I'm rather afraid that I cold bore you ..."  
"This will never happen", Tarja said sternly.  
"See? Same with me", Tuomas said calmly. "As long as you don't leave me, I won't leave you either. I'm after you for too long to leave you."  
Tarja couldn't believe her ears. She had been right, he had and eye on her for a longer time now. She smiled and Tuomas finally lowered his eyes down her body. He rested them on her bra covered breasts and quietly whistled. "Damn, girl, you look good", he mumbled in a deep voice and Tarja laughed.  
Tuomas looked up again and pulled her close to him. "It's true", he said gently, caressed her cheek and put his hand on her head to stroke her curly hair. "You're way too beautiful to be here with me, the shy and nerdy and ugly -"  
Tarja quickly kissed him and soon he had forgotten what he wanted to say. Their tongues danced and for a short time the air was filled with gentle kissing noises.  
As Tarja pulled away a bit, she ran her lips over his cheek and to his ear.  
"Remember, beauty is found within", she whispered and Tuomas smiled as she quoted his poem.


	8. Chapter 8

"Wake up, Tarja ... Wake up ... Your mother is here!"  
Finally Tarja opened her eyes and yawned. "Hyvää huomenta, Tuo ..."  
"Tarja, your mother is waiting", Tuomas said and Tarja sat up in the bed. "What? How late is it??"  
"It's seven, but she says you have to be in church at 15 to 8 -"  
"In church? Does she really want me to sing in church after what has happened to me??"  
Tuomas took her hands and Tarja suddenly noticed that he was already dressed.  
"I'm going to escort you to church, okay? I would have gone anyway - because of you."  
Tarja looked at him confused while she stood up and looked for her shirt he had peeled off of her yesterday. "Because of me?"  
"Yes. I only visit church every fourth Sunday when I know you sing." He sat down on the bed and pulled Tarja's shirt from beneath a pillow.  
"Wow", Tarja mumbled and took the shirt. Tuomas put his hands on her waist and pulled her to him, placing a soft kiss over her navel.  
"So beautiful", he whispered and kissed her stomach again.  
"Tuomas, because of yesterday ... I'm really embarrassed -"  
"Why?", Tuomas interrupted.  
"That I acted like this", Tarja sighed. "That I ... That I wasn't ready ..."  
"Our first time can wait", Tuomas suddenly said. "But it will be beautiful, Tarja. I promise you it'll be perfect."  
Tarja smiled and leaned down. Their lips melted into a gentle and almost shy kiss, until they heard a knock and a clearing of a throat.  
They parted and Tarja saw her mother standing in the doorframe, her hands on her waist.  
"Put ... Your clothes on, Tarja. We'll drive now."  
Both Tarja and Tuomas were completely red and Tarja put on her pants and shirt quickly.  
"Your jacket?", Marjatta asked.  
"Downstairs", Tarja mumbled with red cheeks. How long had she been standing there? Had she heard what Tuomas had said about their first time?  
Tarja swallowed and avoided looking at Tuomas or her mother.  
With a hanging head she walked past Marjatta.  
"Don't you want to say goodbye to your boyfriend?", she asked and Tarja turned around.  
"We'll see each other later", she told her mother and Tuomas nodded.  
"I'll go to the church."  
Marjatta suddenly smiled and Tarja knew why - in her eyes her children needed believing partners. And now Tuomas had said that he'd go to the church, which meant he had gained a plus point at her mother.  
"See you, Tarja", Tuomas said and Tarja smiled at him.  
A sudden image shot through her brain, an image she hadn't really thought of yesterday - Tuomas' naked body pressed against her, his hard manhood inside of her ...  
Tarja quickly turned around and walked out of the room. It had hurt too much for concentrating on these things, but now they had come back. Tuomas' face ... He had looked at her with so much love and admiration ... He had been ready, no doubt.   
Downstairs she thanked Kirsti for letting her sleep at her house and quickly stormed out of the house with her jacket in her hands.  
Her mother came out a minute after her. "Are you crazy? Why did you storm out like something had bitten you?? Get in the car now."  
Tarja opened the car and took a seat while her mother crosser the car. As she sat down and closed the door, she looked at her daughter.  
"What's up? Don't you like his family?"  
"What? No, I like his family!" Tarja bit her lip. Should she tell her mother? She never told her mother anything, but still ...  
"Then did you have a nice night?"  
Tarja stared at her mother with wide eyes. "Y - yes ... We watched Cinderella", she stuttered and added in her thoughts, before we had failed sex.  
Marjatta started the car. "Is it okay for you if I bring you straightly to the church?"  
"Of course", Tarja said and looked at the clock in he car. Half past 7. "Sure ..." Hopefully Suvi isn't there yet ...  
"And then we'll go to the police", Marjatta went on. "I already called them yesterday and they checked the school. And now they want to know your story."  
"And Paula and Joel?", Tarja mumbled and her mother sighed.  
"I have no idea what they will do with them. Probably they'll only have to pay ..."  
"That's okay, I don't want them to get imprisoned because of me", Tarja said and stared out of the window. It all seemed so far away ... That she had spent a whole day in the dark and cold music room, that her ex best friend had locked her there, that she had been bullied, that she had received threats and so on ...  
She could only think of Tuomas and her. Their relationship was honestly the best thing that had ever happened to her.  
"Tarja, are you okay?"  
Tarja looked at her mother. My genitals are a little sore, she thought and nodded. "I am okay. Tuomas and Anja saved me before I got crazy."  
"Does Tuomas treat you right?", Marjatta asked and Tarja swallowed.  
I hope we'll be together long enough to wait for a proper amount of time, he had said. And after she had told him that it hurted her, he had told her to relax and tried again. And he had stopped after she had started crying.  
"He does", Tarja said with a smile. "I think I'm ... I'm in love."  
Marjatta neither smiled nor said a word and Tarja looked out of the window again.  
What had happened? Her mother liked Tuomas - or didn't she?  
"Please take your time, baby", she suddenly said. "This is going very fast, not even one week ago you joined his clique."  
And now we already had almost-sex.  
Tarja bit her lip again. "Mother, I think Tuomas loves me. For quite a while now, if you ask me."  
"That may be true and I really like him ... But please try to find out if he's the right one for you. I know that problem, my first boyfriend was so after me it was annoying. I broke up and he began to stalk me ..." Marjatta sighed. "Just wait. Try to figure out if he's the one to ... Take your virginity and so on."  
"Muuuum", Tarja whined.  
"This conversation is long overdue!", her mother said sternly. "You're seventeen and you know about these things but now it's getting serious! Believe me, on Thursday I could see that this boy really likes you - a little too much if you ask me. What if he will force you to do something you don't want to do? What if you want to break up but he won't let you go?"  
It's not bad, you aren't ready, he had said. Our first time can wait. But it will be beautiful, Tarja. I promise you it'll be perfect.  
"Mother, please let me enjoy this", Tarja whispered. "And if it makes you happy, as soon as he wants to have sex with me, I'll be ready."  
Marjatta said nothing, but Tarja could see how her mother clenched the steering wheel. Her knuckles were already white.  
"But he will be ready soon", she said as calm as possible. "I know men. They think different when it comes to sex -"  
"Tuomas thinks of it as love-making", Tarja interrupted her mum. "And if you really want to know it, we tried this night and it was his decision to stop as it hurt me!"  
As soon as the words were out, she regretted saying them. Her mother stopped the car and turned to her.  
"What?!", she screamed and grabbed her shoulders. "You did what?! You - you slept with each other?! After not even a week?!"  
Tarja could see her mother was shocked, no, upset.  
"N - no we didn't!", she tried to calm her mother down. "He stopped -"  
"Because it hurt you", Marjatta said and Tarja could see her hands shiver. "Does that mean he already was -"  
"Yes", Tarja quickly said, staring at her hands. "But he wasn't pissed after he decided to stop, he even said we should have waited. He honestly told me to wait before we tried."  
Her mother didn't reply again. Her mind was turning. Her daughter, her cute little daughter had been intimate with a man ... And he was a man, he was getting 19 in the end of this year.  
And Tarja will get 18 next month, she tried to calm herself down. And you know your daughter, you trust her. And you like Tuomas.  
"Mother?", Tarja whispered. "Does the first time always ... hurt? Because if it does, I really want to wait as long as possible ..."  
Finally Marjatta smiled and took her daughter's hand.  
"Sweetheart", she said. "If you share your first time with the person you love from the bottom of your heart, it'll be the most wonderful and amazing experience in your life. But you have to be ready. You have to know and trust your partner to one-hundred percent. Only then you can relax and enjoy the feeling of you and your beloved becoming one. And when it's time, it really doesn't hurt."  
The blonde woman and the black haired girl smiled at each other.  
"Wow", Tarja finally said. "That was beautiful. Thank you."  
Marjatta quickly embraced her daughter. "I trust you. But please always use protection! And now I'm going to drive you to church."  
Tarja laughed and rolled her eyes. Well, at least she hadn't screamed at her.

As Tarja already had thought, Suvi stared at her as if she was a strange animal without a home and with teeth as long as swords.  
As she dressed into the usual white dress she wore, she looked at herself in the mirror. Did she look different? Did she still count as a virgin?  
She looked up to the ceiling, she knew she shouldn't think of love-making in the church, but she couldn't stop thinking about the look in Tuomas' eyes as their bodies had joined ...  
I love him, Tarja thought. But I have to take my time ... He won't run away ...  
Because, and this thought hurt her a little, they didn't know much about each other. She knew he liked writing poems, Lord of the rings and Disney and that he had been bullied last year because he spoke Elvish.  
But what was his favourite colour? What was his favourite food? His favourite book? His favourite subject? Did he still play sax?  
"Tarja?"  
Tarja turned around, shocked when she recognised Suvi. The blonde girl was kneading her hands and staring at her fists. "What?", Tarja whispered.  
"I wanted to tell you how sorry I am ... I really didn't want the others to hurt you like this ... I have no idea what they could have against you ..."  
"They? You talk as if you weren't on their side", Tarja hissed and Suvi looked at her with pleading eyes.   
"I'm not. I hated what they did, the locker, the books, the food in your hair ... Your voice is perfect, Tarja. I really, really envy you. I couldn't help you, I'm so afraid of Elli ..."  
"I thought Elli was your friend?", Tarja asked and Suvi sighed.  
"Did you ever have a friend of whom you've been afraid?", she asked sadly.  
"Yes", Tarja answered, thinking of Paula.  
"Then you know why I couldn't help you", Suvi said. "But believe me ..." Suvi smiled at her. "I love your voice and ... Honestly, you and Tuomas. Oh my god, you're so cute."  
Tarja giggled a little. "Thank you."  
Somehow she felt that Suvi really meant it. They had never been close, but Suvi had always been one of those who had been quiet when someone had laughed about the other one.  
Suvi smiled at her broadly. "Good luck with him", she winked. "Oh, and it's almost 8! You should make yourself ready!"  
"Alright, thank you", Tarja said and straightened her dress a little before she walked over to her choir. Together they walked out and as Tarja started singing, it went completely quiet, as always. Tarja gave her best, she loved singing and she loved the reaction of the people when she sang - but then it happened.  
"You're supposed to be dead!"  
Tarja stopped, startled.  
Paula was approaching her, her face deep red and angry.  
Tarja jumped back, right into the arms of a choir companion, who pulled her behind him and shielded her protectively. But Paula came closer.  
And suddenly Tuomas was behind her and grabbed her arm.  
"Leave her!", he shouted, but Paula turned around.  
Everyone screamed as Paula's fist met Tuomas' face and the boy fell down, hitting his head on the hard floor of the church.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Okay ... This is more of a filling chapter. Spoiler: nothing too important happens here. I hope you like it anyway.

\---

"Tuo!!", Tarja screamed, freed herself from Kai's arms and was on Tuomas' side within a second. A few people were on their feet already, some had a hard job with holding Paula back from attacking Tarja, some were kneeling next to Tuomas.  
Tarja cupped his face and he opened his eyes with a light moan.  
"How are you feeling?", Tarja whispered concerned.  
"My head hurts", Tuomas mumbled and tried to sit up, but an older woman next to him pushed him back gently.  
"You shouldn't sit up now, you've hit your head pretty badly", she told him before she turned to the others. "We need a stretcher! Or call the ambulance!"  
Tarja turned her head around and saw that Paula was being dragged out of the church, the girl herself protesting and screaming.  
"Call the police!", someone called and Tarja looked back at Tuomas.  
He was looking at her.  
"You should rest. I want you to feel better", Tarja said but Tuomas smiled.  
"I feel better when I look at you ..."  
Tarja took his hand and squeezed it.  
"You have to get checked anyway", she said and got up as the people who had went away for a stretcher a few minutes ago came back.  
Tarja helped them with lifting him on the stretcher and looked at him worried when they carried him out.  
For a few minutes it was completely quiet, until Tarja spoke. "I hope you'll understand that I can't go on singing right now."  
As nobody answered nor nodded but also no one complained about her decision, Tarja turned around and ran back to the dressing room, where she ripped off the white dress and after she had dressed, she began pacing. Had that just really happened?  
Paula had almost attacked her in church and then she had hit Tuomas? What was wrong with that girl?

For the rest of the day, Tarja heard nothing of Tuomas. She called him but Susanna could only tell her that he hadn't returned from hospital yet and then she called Emppu. He is his best friend, he will know, she thought and she was right.  
"He will stay in the hospital for one or two nights", Emppu explained. "The doctors want to check if he's okay. But he won't come to school tomorrow."  
"I thought so", Tarja sighed, a strange little attack of panic hit her. What if the bullies would start bullying her all over again, now that she had no protector, no saviour?  
Emppu noticed how silent Tarja suddenly was. "We will still sit with you", he said. "Tuomas brought you to us but you've grown to be our friend and nothing will change that."  
Tarja smiled. "Thank you, Erno. I'll see you tomorrow, then."  
"See you, Tarja Soile", Emppu said and Tarja hung up with a laugh.  
When she walked into the living room, though, her face fell again.  
Her mother was sitting on the couch and reading a book. As Tarja entered the room with a long face, she looked up.  
"Tari? What's up?"  
"Tuomas won't come to school tomorrow", she sighed.  
"Paula won't either", her mother answered.  
"She won't?", Tarja gasped.  
"Of course not!", Marjatta said. "They brought her to the police office today and I don't think they will let her go soon. She said that you should be dead and she attacked someone in the church. With audience! Oh, before I forget - she locked you in a dark and cold room for a day! She is crazy, Tari."  
Tarja smiled as her mother used the nickname Tuomas had for her and Marjatta laid her book away. "Wanna talk?"  
Tarja bit her lip and slowly walked over to her mother. "About?"  
Marjatta shrugged. "About everything. School, your problems, your future plans ... Tuomas ..."  
Tarja rolled her eyes. Of course she only wanted to know more about Tuomas. Why had she told her that they had tried sleeping with each other?  
She sat down next to her mother. "Okay, start."  
"With what?"  
"Mother, you wanted to talk", Tarja groaned.  
"Okay, okay", Marjatta said. "Tell me why you and Tuomas wanted to ... do it."  
"Because we're adults and we felt ready", Tarja said, cursing the world that they haven't had the time to talk about what happened.  
"I know it was the first time for you, you told me", Marjatta said and Tarja hid her face beneath her hands, letting out a groaned "Yes".  
Her mother sighed. "Just promise me you'll wait, sweetie", she said. "I told you already what it needs for a perfect first time -"  
"I know, mother!", Tarja groaned. "Can we now please talk about something else??"  
Before you find out that I know almost nothing about him and still wanted to have sex with him, she added in thoughts. Oh, she would so change that. And once she knew everything about him, she would bang him in every possible way.  
She chuckled quietly.  
"Right, you told me already you will wait. I trust you." Marjatta sighed. "So, what are your plans for the following years?"  
Tarja cleared her throat and answered with a simple sung note.  
"Singing?", Marjatta asked and Tarja nodded.  
"I want to study it."  
"Oh, that's actually a coincidence because I've already checked a few possibiliteies for that! Have you already tried to sign in to a university? I thought of the one in Helsinki -"  
"Mother", Tarja interrupted her. "Cool that you had the same thought but I want to study somewhere I have better chances to be a good singer when I come out. You know, there's a university I really want to visit but it's in ..." She took a deep breath. "Germany", she whispered.  
"Germany?", Marjatta asked shocked. "You - you want to go away from here?"  
"So badly. Nothing holds me here", Tarja said, forgetting Tuomas for a second. "In the internet I've found a university in Karlsruhe which sounds  perfect for me."  
"But it's Germany!", Marjatta said. "That's too far away, Tari ..."  
"I won't discuss that with you", Tarja said and stood up. "I'm almost eighteen and I'm old enough to decide where to go when I'm older."  
"They'll probably won't accept you anyway when they find out you're from Finland", her mother said coldly and Tarja clenched her fists.  
"Maybe they'll accept me because I'm from somewhere else", she said and turned around, not wanting to discuss this further.  
Her mother had said something she was afraid of - what if they didn't accept her? It was logic to be honest, she would have to travel a lot ... She bit her lip.  
She would have to leave Tuomas.  
You'll see, she thought as she entered her room. First, enjoy the summer holidays with him and then you'll see what happens.

The next day she was constantly by Anja's side. Whether Paula nor Joel was in school and everyone looked at her pitifully, of course everyone had heard about the incident from the day before (Tarja hoped that nobody knew about that she had been locked in school for a day).  
Tarja really liked Anja, though she was very different. She was 19 already, she had to repeat the last year, but now she had made it through. However, Anja seemed to understand that Tarja needed one person to cling to (usually Tuomas) and so she had just grabbed Tarja's arm and dragged her away from the boys to a bench.  
"So, girls talk", Anja said with beaming eyes. "On Saturday you slept in Tuo's bed, I guess?"  
"I did", Tarja said with a grin and Anja elbowed her.  
"So - how was it? Did you think of something specific while you cuddled against him?"  
"Uh, I have to admit that he was the one who wanted to cuddle", Tarja said and Anja laughed.  
"That's so him. He's such a cutie. If Milo and I weren't together -" She stopped. "I won't steal Tuo from you", she promised as she noticed the worried look in Tarja's eyes. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you that you can come to me if you have questions concerning you know what", she said with a lowered voice. "I'm very experienced."  
"That's good, I already have a question", Tarja said, her voice lowered as well. "I've already had ... kind of a first time a while ago", she lied, she had decided to tell no one else after she had seen her mother's reaction.  
"Ohh, and?", Anja asked nosily.  
"And it was ... Well, I say kind of because we had to stop only after a minute. It hurt me so much, Anja."  
Anja nodded slowly. "Did you love him?"  
"I don't know, maybe I didn't", Tarja lied again, her insecurity growing.  
"There's no bigger mistake than having your first time with a person where you're not sure about your feelings", Anja said. "That's why I tell you now, wait with Tuomas. Sure, he's perfect and you can trust him with your life, but when you bond with a person for the first time, you have to be sure about your feelings. Later it's not so important. Having sex is not only beautiful, Tarja, but your first time has to be something special."  
"So Tuomas and I should wait?", Tarja asked and Anja nodded.  
"I'll give you a hint, you first have to know everything about him. The things he loves, he hates, he's afraid of - these things are so important. Imagine you sleep with him and it's awful because you're not sure about who he really is. Or it's great and later you find out about something you hate about a person."  
Tarja didn't answer. She felt so stupid, so young, so unexperienced.  
"Did I more disturb you as I helped?", Anja asked and Tarja shook her head.  
"Oh no, god, no. I'm only thinking about what I just heard."  
"Wanna have another tipp?", Anja asked and Tarja nodded.  
"Start slowly. Don't do nothing at all for, I dont know, two months, and then jump into bed. Begin slowly, with cuddling and touching, this way you can find out what the other likes and what he dislikes. After a while it'll get more intimate anyway, but always try slowly. It's your first time, you're not sure about what you like for yourself, and that's why your almost first time did hurt."  
"So this didn't count as first time?", Tarja asked and Anja weighed her head.  
"If I have to be honest, a first time doesn't exist. It's always first times because your actual first time can't be perfect. No, this doesn't count. Once you slept with someone, hopefully Tuo, and it was really flawless, you can call it your first time."  
Tarja smiled. Anja was really understanding and a good advice giver in those things.  
She looked at the blonde girl and had to admit she admired her, even though she didn't know much about her. But she seemed to be so strong and self-confident and somehow she seemed as if she could be a very good friend. Best friend, even? Tarja would have nothing against having Anja as her best friend, though she was so different than Paula (maybe that was better).  
"Oh, and something really important", Anja brought Tarja back. "Always talk with him about everything", she said. "What you like and dislike, for example I never told Milo that I hate it when he tickles my stomach and he somehow always did. One day I lost it and screamed at him. We fought and yeah ... Since that day I always tell him as soon as I dislike or like something."  
"Okay", Tarja said with a smile. "Thank you, Anja. As I told my mother about my almost first time, she didn't react so positive."  
"Big mistake", Anja said. "Never tell your mother about when you had sex, never. My mother slapped me when I told her I was active for quite a while."  
"I'll remember that", Tarja laughed and stood up as the bell rang, announcing the end of the break.  
"Will you visit Tuo today?", Anja asked and Tarja nodded slowly.  
"Yes, I think so."

And she did. As she entered the hospital, Tuomas turned his head. He began to grin as he noticed her and sat up in his bed.  
"Tarja", he said happily and Tarja almost ran to him, hugging him carefully.  
"How are you?", she asked and kissed his lips.  
Tuomas kissed her back relieved, one times, two times, three times. "I'm fine", he mumbled between those kisses. "I just missed you the whole day." He cupped her face and locked their eyes. "One more night and I may go home."  
"They'll let you go home tomorrow?", Tarja asked happily and caressed his cheek, kissing him another time.  
"Yes, I'm okay. That crazy girl didn't hit me hard. Was she in school today?"  
"No and Joel wasn't either!", Tarja said.  
"Well, that's a good sign", Tuomas said quietly. "And what did you do today?"  
"I was with Anja mostly. I didn't know how nice she was, she always seemed so shy!"  
"What's wrong with being shy?", Tuomas asked with a light pout and Tarja took his hands.  
"Nothing at all", she whispered and they kissed again, slowly as always, no tongues involved. Until Tarja broke the kiss.  
"Once you feel better", she started carefully, "we have a date to catch up on."  
"Oh, true", Tuomas said. "What about Friday? I'm on a party and I think you should go there with me."  
"A party? Me as your escort? I'd love to, but do I know anyone else there besides you?"  
"Only Emppu, Milo, Anja and Lenni, if they'll all come", Tuomas said and put a strand of her curly hair behind her ear.  
"Okay I'll think of it", Tarja smiled and kissed him. "Thank you for asking."  
Who else should I have asked?, Tuomas thought and with shivering hands he opened the drawer of his nightstand.  
"I have something for you, Tari", he said and gave her the sheet. "I was bored so I wrote a few new lines ..."  
Tarja took the sheet and began reading it instantly.  
Oh, dear friend I remember the night, the moon and the dreams we shared. Your trembling paw in my hand, dreaming of that northern land, touching me with a kiss of a beast.  
"Wow!", Tarja said and lowered the sheet slowly, looking at him with wide eyes. "Wow", she said again. "Is that the continuation of the lines you showed to me last week?"  
"That's actually a good idea", Tuomas said. "I'm gonna see if I can connect them."  
"Show me then", she whispered and kissed his lips shortly. "I'll visit you tomorrow. At home", she promised and Tuomas nodded, incapable of saying something. He couldn't believe how he deserved that the girl he loved could love him back.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N:   
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TARJA!!! I love you so so much, my angel, my saviour, my queen!  
38, I can't believe it. You're ageing with grace, it's almost impossible how wonderful, beautiful and young you look!  
Have a nice day with lots of presents and a big big party!  
We Tarjaholics love you ♥  
[Tarja Soile Susanna Turunen, *17.08.1977]

 

\---

 

"It's still not finished yet", Tuomas said shyly. "But I thought I should show to you what I already have."  
Tarja nodded and opened the letter.  
"There are also two lines where I have no idea where to put them in", he added and Tarja started reading the lines she already knew but which now were in another order.  
Remember the first dance we shared, recall the night you melted my ugliness away!  
The night you left with a kiss so kind, only a scent of beauty left behind.  
Oh, dear friend I remember the night, the moon and the dreams we shared.  
Your trembling paw in my hand, dreaming of that northern land, touching me with a kiss of a beast.  
I know my dreams are made of you, of you - and only for you!  
Your ocean pulls me under, your voice tears me asunder.  
Love me before the last petal falls.  
"Tuo - that is so amazing! Did you think of what I said?", Tarja asked and put the piece of paper away.  
"Mhh - what did you say?", Tuomas mumbled.  
"That you should write songs!", Tarja shouted and waved with the sheet. "It's so amazing, Tuo, I honestly think of pinning it at my wall in my bedroom so I can look at it everyday!"  
Tuomas laughed. "Do you want to hear the last two lines as well? But there is still somehing left between what I have now and the last two lines ..."  
"Well, tell me the last lines, maybe I can help you", Tarja offered and Tuomas nodded gladly.  
"Well, the one you know already, I showed you on Thursday ... Forever shall the wolf in me -"  
"Desire the sheep in you", Tarja interrupted him and ended the line with this. "That is my favourite, Tuomas. Somehow I think it should be the last sentence."  
Tuomas stroked Tarja's hand absently as he nodded.  
"And the other one I told you last week after we watched Beauty and the beast -"  
"Remember, beauty is found within", Tarja whispered and Tuomas entwined their fingers, caressing hers gently.  
"You know the lines by heart?", he whispered.  
"Of course I do. I was so stunned when you told and showed them to me", Tarja said and leaned down to kiss her patient's cheek. Tuomas was still lying in his bed, he had a pretty big bump on his head, but this was everything that bothered him. "Do you think you'll be fit for the party?", Tarja asked worried and laid down next to her boyfriend, wrapping her arm and leg around him and leaning her chin on his shoulder, looking up to him.  
"Of course, it's only Tuesday", Tuomas mumbled as he caressed his girlfriend's fingers.  
"But you better stay at home tomorrow", Tarja said and kissed Tuomas' shoulder briefly.  
"Only if you stay with me", Tuomas said and looked down to her.  
"So I should play hooky in the last week of school?", Tarja asked faked shocked. "Tsk tsk tsk, you are a bad boy, Tuomas."  
"You don't know a lot about me, huh?", Tuomas chuckled and Tarja sat up quickly.  
"Exactly", she said seriously, clenching his hand. "We really have to get to know each other. What's your favourite colour?"  
"Wowowow, Tari, calm down!", Tuomas grabbed the black haired girl's other hand as well. "Let's do that when we have time enough to talk. I imagine us being at a special place, outside maybe ... Do you like picnics?"  
Tarja's mouth stood open. "Y - yes, I like picnics", she stuttered. He was so romantic!  
"Then let's create a plan", he began and placed a little kiss on her forehead. "Let's go to the party on Friday, you'll sleep here and on Saturday we'll make a little picnic."  
"That's a good plan!", Tarja said smiling. "Now I'm looking forward to it."  
"Good", Tuomas said with a satisfied smile. "Meanwhile you can help me writing ..."  
"Me and writing? Oh no, I can't write", Tarja tried to rescue herself, but Tuomas was very stubborn.  
"Of course you can. Everyone does."  
"But I don't", Tarja said and threw herself on him, kissing his neck and hoping he would forget about it.  
He didn't, but he pretended as if, he didn't want to annoy her. So he roamed his hands over her back as she straddled him and covered his neck with kisses, some more gentle and some more fierce kisses. He moaned quietly as she lovingly bit his flesh and suddenly his hands were on her rear, gently kneading it.  
Tarja sighed quietly. Anja was right, they first had to touch each other to find out what they liked.  
So, now she knew that Tuomas liked being kissed on his neck. And it seemed as if she liked his skilled hands on her ass.  
She inserted her hands under his shirt slowly, roaming her hands up and placing them on his chest. Beneath her right hand she could feel his fastened heartbeat.  
But then she stopped kissing his neck. That's enough for the beginning, she thought.  
She replaced her hands with her head, the left side of her face pressed against his chest, then she circled her arms around him and listened to his heartbeat with closed eyes.  
She could feel his fingers wandering up and down her spine and the shiver that went through her.   
She remembered what Anja had told her ...  
"That's good, go on", she mumbled and felt him kissing the top of her head.  
"Are you tired?", he whispered and her lips curled into a smile.  
"Is that a way of asking if I want to sleep here tonight?", she asked.  
Tuomas didn't answer first. Tarja already feared that he hadn't even want her to sleep here, but as she looked up to him, she looked right into his flushed face.  
"Do you want to?", he mumbled and Tarja shoved herself up to press a kiss against his lips.  
"I want to, but I have to ask my mother first", she said with a light grimace.

Marjatta had hesitated at first, but Tarja had managed to convince her.  
"Think of what I've told you", Tarja mumbled in the telephone, quiet enough that Tuomas or his mother in the living room couldn't hear her.  
Marjatta sighed. "I trust you", she said, almost a little too challenging.  
"Good", Tarja said coldly and hung up.  
As she crossed the kitchen to walk into the living room, Susanna held her back.  
"Sorry but I was thinking and suddenly I remembered something", she said. "Isn't your third name Susanna?", she then asked and Tarja laughed.  
"Yes, it is. Why?"  
"Just a random question, in case that Tuomas listens", Susanna said and pulled her in the kitchen. "And he's not supposed to hear that. Uhm - Tarja ..."  
"What?", Tarja whispered.  
"I ... I heard you. Last Saturday."  
Tarja tried to hide her embarrassment behind a pokerface, but in real she was almost dying inside. "What?", she asked innocently. "What was on Saturday?"  
Susanna sighed. "Don't make me say this, Tarja. I know it's none of my business, it's only about Tuomas and you but ... If he forces you to something, please say something!"  
Tarja was flabbergasted. "What? He forces me to nothing! What are you talking about??"  
"I heard you", Susanna repeated quietly. "You cried. I'm - I'm so sorry."  
"Oh my god." Tarja put her hand on her mouth. "Susanna - no! He doesn't force me!"  
"Then why did you cry?"  
"Because ..." Tarja got deep red now. "It was my ... my first time. We had to stop because it hurt me so much."  
"Oh", Susanna said and then both women were quiet.  
"Well", Susanna began after some time. "I can't remember mine, I was drunk. Can't remember if it hurt." She laughed dryly and Tarja bit her lip.  
"Anyway", Susanna continued and smiled at Tarja. "Since I know that you'll be on a party this Friday ... Be careful. It can happen faster than you want to and suddenly your virginity is gone and you'll never get it back."  
Tarja smiled. "I know. At least I've already found the right man to take it."  
"Okay, that's too much information", Susanna said shivering. "He's my brother, remember."  
Tarja chuckled and left the kitchen, now walking directly to the living room. She placed herself next to Tuomas and kissed his cheek.  
"Yes!", she said happily and he wrapped his arms around him.  
"Which Disney movie do you want to watch today?", he asked and Tarja laughed. "Can we watch a horror movie?"  
"I thought you didn't like horror movies", Tuomas said surprised.  
"I've never seen one", Tarja admitted. "Not even with Paula."  
"Mother?", Tuomas called and Kirsti, who was in the garden, came in.  
"Yes?"  
"We need the television today", Tuomas informed her. "And Tarja will sleep here."  
"Alright", Kirsti only answered and went back into the garden.  
"I wish my mother was as uncomplicated as yours", Tarja mumbled and nestled her face in Tuomas' chest.  
"She has not always been like that", Tuomas mumbled back. "Some years ago, before my father left ..." Tuomas breathed in and closed his eyes. "It's a long and sad story, Tari. You're going to hear about it soon enough."  
"Okay", Tarja said with a beating heart. "So, which horror movies do you have?"

"Did you like it?", Tuomas chuckled.   
"It was ...", Tarja pressed her lips together. "Not really good", she laughed then and Tuomas pulled her close. "I mean, her mother has never told her she would get her period one day and she is what, sixteen? And then she gets bullied because she got it in the school shower. I don't know, to be honest. I was getting bullied as well, remember?"  
"I know", Tuomas said.  
"Do you think I could improve my telekinesis skills?", Tarja asked and concentrated at the lamp on the nightstand, which didn't move.  
"We could work on it together", Tuomas chuckled and tried to help her moving the lamp.  
Tarja had to laugh as she noticed his concentrated look and it didn't last long until they both were giggling as if something crazy had hit them.  
"Honestly now", Tarja began after that fit of laughter. "Next time we'll just watch Lord of the rings."  
Tuomas looked at her with an almost unbelieving look and then he asked shyly, "Really?"  
"Of course!", Tarja shouted. "I know you love it and I've never seen it. Maybe I'll love it as well and then I'm going to hate myself because I haven't watched it earlier. Oh, and I want you to teach me how to talk Elvish, so we can have our own language and -"  
Tarja couldn't go on, Tuomas had her already pinned on the bed and was pecking her lips again and again.  
"You - are - the most - perfect - girl - existing", he said between those kisses and then he locked their lips into a heated kiss.  
The shy kisses they usually shared turned into longing and passionate ones as Tarja opened her mouth to welcome his tongue. As he entered his and their tongues began to dance, the time seemed to stand still. Tarja wrapped her legs around his middle and pushed him closer to herself and while her hands caressed his face and hair, she grabbed his hair and moaned in his mouth.  
Tuomas had grabbed her slim waist and slowly pulled her shirt up now, caressing every inch of her newly exposed skin. His fingers dwelled at the edge of her lingerie and Tarja pulled her hands away from his head.  
Still locked in a deep kiss, she put her hands on his and guided them slowly upwards, until he touched the skin of her breasts.  
He pulled his mouth away and looked at her, heavily panting. Tarja was breathing hard as well and as Tuomas lowered his face down to her chest, she closed her eyes again. His lips slowly explored the delicate skin of her cleavage. He carefully nibbled her flesh and Tarja moaned quietly. She couldn't believe it they were doing it again, just like before and even a little more intimate. And only because she had said she wanted to learn Elvish.  
Tarja smiled and suddenly laughed. Tuomas stopped kissing her breasts and looked at her. "What?", he whispered.  
"Does it make you so happy that I want to learn Elvish?", she asked with a sparkle in her eyes. "So happy that you forget your shyness and loosen your border?"  
"Well sorry", Tuomas mumbled and wanted to get off of her, but Tarja wrapped her arms and legs around him.  
"Forget it", she whispered. "You'll stay here."  
"Perfect girl", Tuomas said and Tarja blushed.  
"Liar", she whispered and Tuomas pecked her lips.  
"No, I'm telling the truth", he said and before she could answer him back, he added, "That was beautiful, Tari. But we should stop now ..."  
"Agreed", Tarja chuckled and as Tuomas got off of her, she pulled her shirt over her head. "But this is going to stay away this night ... I hope you can handle that, me only in undergarments right next to you."  
"We'll see", Tuomas said smiling, his eyes bathing in the beauty of her body.


	11. Chapter 11

Tuomas awoke because he was lying on the bump of his head. It throbbed, so he awoke. He turned around and closed his eyes again, but suddenly he heard someone breathe. And he remembered - Tarja was here!  
He sat up and turned to look at her.  
He had to suppress a sigh as he saw her. Her hair was tousled and stood in every possible direction, her mouth was open and she looked very peaceful and comfortable.  
And she looked like an angel.  
Tuomas noticed that the blanket didn't completely hide her whole upper body and his look wandered to her breasts.  
She really slept only in her bra, he thought. Wonder if she always does that. Oh God, she is so beautiful. I still can't believe she's mine.  
He smiled and laid down again, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. He pressed a little kiss at her nose and she slowly opened her eyes.  
"Good morning, my angel", he whispered and she closed her eyes again with a sighed "Mornin' ..."  
Tuomas pulled a strand of her tousled hair out of her face and she smiled.  
"An angelface smiles to me", Tuomas mumbled, as he suddenly remembered the text of the failed poem he had thrown away. "Under a headline of tragedy. That smile used to give me warmth ..."  
"Wow", Tarja mumbled. "So beautiful."  
"Nothing is more beautiful than you", Tuomas said spontaneously and Tarja opened her eyes, almost glaring at him.  
"Liar", she grunted. "I know how I look in the morning."  
"This is no lie, my beauty", Tuomas chuckled, finding her grumpiness heavenly endearing.  
Tarja rolled her eyes and Tuomas kissed her again. "Smile", he said. "You'll stay here today."  
"Playin' hooky", Tarja mumbled, but then she grinned as well. "So, what are we going to do? We better stay inside, if someone sees us, he could call the school."  
"Or the police." Tuomas shuddered. "Alright, let's play some games."  
As he noticed Tarja's frown, he quickly said, "Okay, no games. See? Now I've discovered you don't like games."  
"And this way we get to know each other better everyday", Tarja said with a yawn and closed her eyes again. "Can I sleep a little more?", she mumbled and Tuomas leaned down to kiss her forehead.  
"Sure. Meanwhile I'll go downstairs. Do you want something? Coffee?"  
"Black", Tarja mumbled and Tuomas smiled.  
That getting to know each other worked fine.

When Tuomas called her five minutes later, Tarja had already dressed and was only waiting for his call.  
As she went downstairs with a light smile, enjoying the smell of coffee that hung in the air, she saw Kirsti sitting at the table. Tarja's first instinct was turning around and fix her tousled hair upstairs, but it was already too late.  
Kirsti's head turned and the blonde woman smiled at her. "Good morning, Tarja!", she said gently and Tarja swallowed. She hadn't even looked surprised or somewhat as if she had a problem with Tarja playing hooky in her house.  
"Morning", Tarja said shyly and tried to flat her hair with her hands.  
"If you need a curling iron, Susanna has one", Kirsti said and Tarja nodded thankfully while she sat down. "Did you sleep well?", Kirsti asked and Tarja nodded.  
"Can't you see this?", she giggled and pulled on a strand of her hair.  
Kirsti laughed as well. "Tuomas!", she called then. "Where's the coffee of your beautiful girlfriend??"  
Tarja blushed. She wasn't used to the fact that people who weren't related to her complimented her. Especially not people who were a lot older than her.  
"Coming!", Tuomas shouted back and then he put his head out of the kitchen. "Want some cornflakes, Tari?"  
"No thanks, I'd rather like some bread with butter", Tarja answered and Tuomas went back to the kitchen.  
"So, what are your plans fo today?", Kirsti asked and Tarja lifted her shoulders.  
"We don't really have a plan", she mumbled.  
"Why so shy?", the blonde woman asked the girl. "It's only me, you don't have to be shy.  
Tarja looked at her boyfriend's mother. "Tuomas wanted to play a game but I'm not really a fan of games."  
"Well, we don't really have many games anyway", Kirsti answered. "We have Clue and a few different card-games, so no big deal."  
Tarja smiled. Kirsti seemed so reasonable and calm, her mother on the other side seemed hectic and twitchy, compared to the blonde woman. Marjatta always had something to nag about.  
Kirsti nipped at her coffee and then she put it down. "Do you still play the piano?"  
"Not really", Tarja admitted. "Lately I'm concentrating too much on singing."  
"Oh, right!", Kirsti said. "I've heard you sing in the church and first couldn't believe it was you. Your voice has so developed in the last years!"  
"Well, I've been training it", Tarja said with a smile. "And I want to study singing in Germany", she blurted out.  
"Germany!", Kirsti said surprised. "Coming year?"  
Tarja nodded.  
"Tuomas will be heartbroken", Kirsti said quietly and Tarja blushed.  
"I know but ... We have all summer", she said almost desperate and Kirsti smiled at her.   
"Don't feel guilty, just follow your dream, sweetie", she said. "I won't tell Tuomas."  
Tarja smiled at her thankfully and not a second later, Tuomas came in. He carried a plate with two cups of coffee, a few slices of bread and butter and jam.  
Tarja's heart jumped as she saw the single flower in a vase in the middle of the plate.  
He looked so cute while he carried the plate to the table with a concentrated face. He put it down, kissed Tarja's cheek and placed himself next to her. "Black coffee, and bread with butter and blueberry jam, my beauty", he said with a businesslike voice and Tarja took the coffee.  
"Thank you, my dear butler", she chuckled and Tuomas kissed her cheek again.

"I haven't played in years", Tarja whispered, a little ashamed. "I can't remember how to play ..."  
"Well, then I must help you", Tuomas said with a smile and placed himself behind her, putting her fingers on the keys. He guided her hands and played a slow and short melody. After he had stopped, he showed her again and after the second time she could play it for herself. Tuomas sat down next to Tarja, who was playing the melody over and over, and suddenly he started to sing.  
"Remember the first dance we shared", he slowly sang in his raw voice that touched Tarja right at her core. "Recall the night you melted my ugliness away! The night you left with a kiss so kind, only a scent of beauty left behind ..."  
He looked at Tarja and smiled. "Your turn", he whispered and Tarja started singing in the same melody as he had sung, the same speed, only she sung higher than him, obviously.  
"Oh, dear friend I remember the night, the moon and the dreams we shared. Your trembling paw in my hand, dreaming of that northern land, touching me with a kiss of a beast ..."  
Their session got interrupted by sudden claps from the door. The teenagers turned around and caught Kirsti standing in the doorframe.  
"That was amazing!", she said. "Wow! Tuomas, did you write that??"  
Tarja grabbed Tuomas' hand. "He did!", she said proudly.  
"But that was a secret!", Tuomas hissed and Tarja glared at him.  
"You have to share this talent, Tuo!", she said. "Just look at the beautiful texts you write ..."  
She turned around and started playing a random melody. "An angelface smiles to me", she sang. "Under a headline of tragedy. That smile used to give me warmth ..."  
"How poetic", Kirsti said as Tarja stopped.  
"He told me these lines today morning", Tarja said and looked at Tuomas, hoping he wasn't angry ... And he wasn't.  
"Farewell, no words to say  
beside the cross on your grave", he said. "And those forever burning candles."  
Tarja continued playing and sang the line he had just told her in the melody from the first line.  
As she stopped, he circled his arms around her. "You're perfect", he whispered into her ear before he kissed her cheek.  
"That was so amazing", Kirsti said. "I knew you wrote, Tuomas, but this ... You are a poet! And Tarja, that melody you played ... and your voice! Wow."  
"Mother", Tuomas chuckled. "Could you maybe ... leave us alone?"  
"Ohh, oh, sorry, sorry!", Kirsti said. "Leave the teenies alone, I understand." Kirsti winked and finally left the room.  
Tarja put her fingers on the keys again and played the melody from before. "Do you have another text?", she asked. "Of Angelface?", she asked with a wink. "Or a new one?"  
"I have a few", Tuomas said carefully. "But ... They all are about ... uhm ..."  
Tarja smiled lightly. "About?" She watched him blush. "Are they about sex?"  
Tuomas blushed even more. "That too. But the most are about ..." He closed his eyes. "Lord of the rings."  
"But that's amazing!", Tarja shouted. "That means they're mysterious and adventurous ... I'd love to hear them!" She leaned in, her lips touching his ear. "And I'd also love to hear the other ones ... The ones about sex."  
Tuomas swallowed. Of one thing he was sure, if she saw the 'dirty' poems he wrote, she'd probably see they were about her (sometimes he had written about this 'black haired beauty with the voice of an angel').  
Tarja suddenly started nibbling his earlobe and Tuomas moaned lowly.  
"Tari ...", he mumbled, and as Tarja let go of him and gave him a questioning look, he crashed his lips on hers. Tarja immediately grabbed his neck and locked her lips with his. Soon their tongues were part of the kiss, slowly they danced with the other's, caressed the other, tasting the other. Tuomas inhaled her sweet scent and moaned as he felt the sensation of longing grow.  
Tarja let go of him, but instead of stopping the kiss completely, she turned and threw one leg over his thighs, before she let herself sink on his lap and kissed him again.  
Their lips molded together one more time and after some moans everything was forgotten.  
Tuomas caressed his girlfriend's thighs and Tarja had grabbed his hair while they kissed deeply, they even seemed to forget time.  
Tarja's kisses got more longing as she felt a bulge in Tuomas' jeans growing and pressing against her thigh. The fabric between her legs was damp as she slid her pelvis a little forward, covering his growing tightness with her own reaction.  
Tuomas groaned and Tarja started rocking forth and back gently, simulating movements, as if she was riding him.  
But their kissing session had an abrupt end as Tuomas, completely taken by his lust, grabbed Tarja's thighs and stood up. Tarja's back crashed against the piano, and together they fell on the keys, which made a terrible sound.  
Tarja laughed as she crawled off the piano and saw Tuomas' red face.  
"I'm sorry", he mumbled.  
"For what? It didn't hurt", Tarja answered. "I've only got a little shock as my back suddenly played piano."  
Now Tuomas laughed as well. "Wow, that was so ..."  
"I know", Tarja answered and sat down next to him again, kissing his cheek.  
"That - that thing you made", Tuomas stumbled, "with - with your pelvis -"  
"Only a little foretaste of what you should expect", Tarja said with a wink.  
"Right, now that you say it", Tuomas started. "We still have to talk about ... this. And what happened on Saturday."  
Tarja nodded slowly. "We will ... First show me that special Lord of the rings poems." She smiled at him flirtatiously.  
Tuomas sighed and kissed her gently, before he went to his room to get them.  
And soon Tarja was playing another melody that had come to her mind, but Tuomas put his hands on hers. "Wait", he whispered and lifted her hands up, replacing hers with his.  
And as his fingers flew over the keys, the air was filled with music, so pure and clear and beautiful. He played as if he had never done something else, as if he was born to play the piano.  
Tarja was too stunned to sing at first, but as Tuomas elbowed her lightly, she started.  
"Hearing music from the deepest forest, songs as a seduction of sirens. The elf-folk is calling me", she sang and then she got lost in the sight Tuomas' fingers, which seemed to be melted together with the keys.


	12. Chapter 12

Wednesday and Thursday were over quickly, which probably was because they only had to be in school until twelve to clean the classrooms and collect their things.  
Tuomas and Tarja didn't play hooky on these days, they went to school to show everyone how happy they were with each other.  
They didn't care about the others anymore, they held hands all day long and kissed during the breaks and whenever they met each other after one of them had been on the toilet.  
Both Paula and Joel didn't show up once, but Suvi told Tarja secretly that they were both under arrest.  
On Thursday Paula's mother showed up to pick up Paula's things, and she didn't look very happy.  
And so, after two days of holding hands and kissing, the last day of school was there, faster as they had believed.  
Tarja sighed as she looked at her school report, which wasn't all too bad but also it wasn't very good. She had a good grade in Music, Sport, Finnish and Religion, but then it went down. Maths. Geography. Physics. English. Chemistry. And so on.  
"I love the fact that my girlfriend is as smart as you", a sudden voice behind her whispered and soft lips were pressed on her cheek.  
Tarja sighed as Tuomas let himself fall next to her.  
"Are you kidding?", she asked sadly. "Look at that ..."  
"What's wrong with that?", Tuomas asked gently and pulled her close. "I see you have an A in music and that's all that counts, right? Let me have a look at the teacher's note ... Ah. Give Tarja just one note, she immediately gets it. With the others you'd have to practice three, four, five times. Her voice is strong, powerful and something else. I believe that she can make something out of it. If someone will, then Tarja." Tuomas looked at her. "Wow! I can't believe it's Mr. Dimov who'd said that. He is ... well, not my favourite teacher."  
"I know, but now show me your school report!", Tarja said and before Tuomas could do something, she had grabbed the paper and stared at it with an open mouth. "Wow!"  
Tuomas sighed, not very happy.  
"Wait, only one C in Sports?? And only a B in History and Maths?? You are a nerd, Tuomas Holopainen!"  
"I know", Tuomas said through gritted teeth. "May I -?!"  
"Nah", Tarja said and stood up. "How the heck did you get an A in English ...? Wait, why do I ask? I've read your poems." She threw a sultry look at him before she sung to him. "Oh, dear friend, I remember the night ..."  
"Tarja, stop", Tuomas pleaded, as he caught a few pupils staring.  
"The moon and the dance we shared!", Tarja sung louder.  
"It's dreams", Tuomas mumbled and Tarja took his hand grinning.  
"Your trembling paw in my hand, dreaming of that northern land, touching me with a -"  
But before she could sing kiss, he had already silenced her with a kiss.  
And Tarja was so taken by that sudden kiss, that she didn't notice how he took back his school report from her.  
"Hey!" Tarja pulled away and Tuomas laughed. "I'm so going to torture you tonight!", Tarja hissed and Tuomas stood up and pulled her close.  
"Can't wait", he whispered before he pecked her lips.

"I won't come home tonight", Tarja said while she shoved the food in her mouth.  
Marjatta put her daughter's school report away. "You won't?"  
"Exactly. It's like a ... school's finally over party", Tarja said with a full mouth. "And I really wanna go."  
"A party", Marjatta said. "Tarja on a party."  
Tarja rolled her eyes. "There's a first time for everything." She threw a meaningful look at her mother, who pressed her lips together.  
"And this party ... You'll go with Tuomas?"  
"Of course I will", Tarja said. "With who else!"  
"And then you will sleep at his place?"  
"Congratulations, mother, you've got it." Tarja rolled her eyes again, but suddenly Timo spoke.  
"I don't think that's a good idea", he said.  
"What??" Tarja almost screamed.  
"You've slept at his place so often, lately", he went on and Marjatta nodded slowly.  
"Well, what do you think, why??", Tarja shouted angrily. "Because he doesn't have a nosy older brother who thinks he can tell him what to do and what not??"  
"Well, I think he only exploits you", Timo said calmly.  
"Exploits ...?", Tarja began shocked. "How would he exploit me??"  
"Well." Timo looked up to her. "He knows you're young and unexperienced, maybe he likes to have this kind of power. He knows he can do everything with you."  
Tarja's face was as white as a sheet. "What -", she whispered and her gaze fell on her mother, who avoided her look.  
"You're seventeen, Tarja", Timo went on, without caring about his sister's shocked look. "You're not ready for these things."  
Tarja's panicking look darted between Toni and her father, who hadn't said a word until now.  
But her father looked at her with such an angry and warning look, it almost broke her.  
And she bursted into tears.  
"We haven't done anything!", she screamed, her body shaken by the waves of the tears that hit her.  
"Well, mother told me something else", Timo said sternly and Tarja shook her head.  
"I just said that because I was annoyed by her tries of understanding me!"  
"Anyway", her father suddenly said. "I really have to think about if you're allowed to see that boy again."  
Tarja laughed dryly.  
"Allowed to", she said with a laugh. "You won't be able to keep me from seeing this boy, he is my boyfriend and I love him!", she shouted and left the table, running upstairs to her room and putting everything she needed for a weekend in her backpack.  
How could they dare??  
Tuomas had saved her life more times than once, he had freed her from the music room and he had saved her from her depression.  
She ran out of the house before anyone could see and stop her, wiping the angry tears away while running to the bus stop.  
"F -!!", she swore as she saw the last bus had gone only five minutes ago and the next would go in forty minutes.  
Sighing she walked a while until she passed a phone box. She walked inside, opened the phone book, looked for Nortia-Holopainen, Kirsti and dialled the number.  
"Holopainen?"  
"Susanna, it's me, Tarja", Tarja said relieved. "Can I talk to Tuomas, please?"  
"He's with Emppu", Susanna answered and Tarja's face fell.  
"Shit", she whispered. "Listen, I have a problem ... I just ran away and I have no idea where to go ..."  
"What about Anja?", Susanna asked.  
"I bet she's with Milo", Tarja mumbled. They were never alone in their free time.  
"Okay ... Okay, where are you?", Susanna asked.  
"I'm in the park next to the library", Tarja said.  
"Okay, stay there", Susanna said. "I'll pick you up."  
And she hung up and left Tarja standing with an open mouth. Susanna would pick her up? Had she heard right?  
Tarja sat down on a bench in the park, and really, after ten minutes a car came to stand in front of her and Susanna waved at her.  
Tarja opened the door and let herself fall on the passenger's seat. "Thank you", she said shyly and Susanna drove out of the park. "But that really wasn't necessary."  
"Come on", Susanna looked at her and sighed. "I have those strong feelings of helping you", she explained. "You see, I'm ... I can see the aura around people."  
"What?", Tarja asked stunned.  
"The aura of people ... The charism? You see ... How people act on others. I can see that and when I look at you, I only want to help you. Save you."  
Save you.  
My saviour.  
"Is my aura that bad?", Tarja mumbled.  
"Not at all!", Susanna said. "You have a wonderful aura, one of the most beautiful I've ever seen. But that's the mistake, you're too good for the world. You feel no hate or anger in you, only disappointment because mankind isn't really playing a nice game with you."  
Tarja stared at her knees.  
"Am I right?", Susanna asked softly and Tarja nodded.  
"I'll bring you to our house, where you can wait for Tuo", Susanna went on and smiled. "The boy loves you. I couldn't believe it first, but yesterday we talked about you. His aura changed. He loves you madly, Tarja. He would do everything for you."  
Tarja blushed.  
"And you love him too", Susanna added and laughed softly. "What a story."

At five o'clock Tuomas entered his room and froze as he saw Tarja. "Am I dreaming?", he asked and Tarja laughed.  
"Your sister picked me up three hours ago and since then I'm here."  
Tuomas suddenly got anxious. "You ... You haven't searched through my room, have you?"  
Tarja's mouth fell open. "I haven't!", she shouted. "Do you think I would do that??" She pushed him away as he came closer. "I'm not like that", she mumbled, disappointed of his lack of trust in her.  
"Tari ...", he tried to calm her. "It was just a thought - it's not because of you. I keep my poems somewhere you can easily find them, I'm always afraid that someone could find them."  
Tarja stared at him, still hurt and Tuomas took a step forward to embrace her. "I'm sorry", he said and kissed her nose. "I don't have something illegal in my room, only embarrassing things. And you're so amazing, you see ... I still can't believe you're together with me."  
"Why not?", Tarja asked.  
"Well, you're perfect", Tuomas whispered. "You're flawless. Beautiful. Amazing. And I'm ... Well, a nerd."  
Tarja lifted an eyebrow. "I'm not anything like that", she said.  
"Yes, you are", Tuomas said quietly and smiled at her.  
Tarja blushed lightly. "Well, then I guess it's safe to say that the perfect, beautiful and what was that?"  
"Perfect, flawless, beautiful, amazing", Tuomas repeated and Tarja grinned.  
"Yep. Exactly this girl really has something for nerds. Especially for this one nerd ... She doesn't know what she would do without him ..."  
Tuomas cupped her face. "The nerd would be lost without her. Her beauty and her voice once saved him from a deep depression."  
It felt as if someone staked Tarja, as he said that. She still didn't know everything about him ...  
Tomorrow we will have a big talk, she thought and pulled his face down to kiss him.  
After a sweet felt eternity of sharing a gentle kiss, Tuomas pulled away. "Shall we get ready for the party?", he asked and kissed her once more.  
"Can't we stay here and just cuddle?", Tarja asked pouting and Tuomas laughed.  
"I'd love to cuddle with you the whole night, but I already promised Jukka I'd come."  
"Jukka?", Tarja asked confused. "Explain, please."  
"Jukka is a friend of Emppu and me", Tuomas explained. "And he is the host of the party. He is a little older than us, he is already studying at a university. We've met him on a concert."  
"Oh, okay", Tarja said, and asked, eager to find out his music style, "On which concert?"  
"Metallica", Tuomas answered and Tarja grabbed his arm.  
"You were at their concert?? In January??"  
Tuomas nodded and Tarja started jumping. "We could have seen each other, I was with my cousin!"  
"Wait ... You like Metallica?"  
"I love Metallica, but even more I love Nirvana", Tarja simply answered and Tuomas laughed.  
"And I was already fearing that you would run away from the party."  
"If there's going to be Metal and Rock music, I'll be in heaven", Tarja said and Tuomas cupped her face.  
"I thought you're more the Classic music fan?"  
"I love Classic and also I love musicals", Tarja said. "But I also enjoy Metal."  
"And this is why I'm proud I may call myself your boyfriend", Tuomas whispered gently and wrapped his arms around Tarja.  
"Forever shall the sheep in me desire the wolf in you", Tarja whispered and Tuomas pecked her lips softly.  
"And forever shall the wolf in me desire the sheep in you."


	13. Chapter 13

"You look ... wow."  
Tarja turned around so he could see the backside of her dress, which was reaching until the midst of her thighs and hugged her curves. It was tight around her waist and breasts and the fabric around her thighs was covered with lace.  
She wore black silk stockings and black leather boots and a gothic necklace, which laid in her cleavage. Her lips were deep red and her hair was straight, which made her usual curly hair look longer than it normally was.  
Tuomas' look wandered down her body and up again.  
"Wow", he whispered one more time.  
"You like it?", Tarja asked in a seductive voice.  
"You look ..." Tuomas swallowed. "Sexy", he then breathed. "When did you buy this?"  
"Yesterday. Anja has told me in school that this would be no normal party", Tarja said, still in a sultry tone and stepped closer. She smiled as Tuomas swallowed again as his gaze wandered right between her breasts, where her necklace had found its place.  
"My eyes are up there", Tarja chuckled and lifted his face up with her finger on his chin.  
"I only admired your necklace", Tuomas said in a raw voice and put his hands on her waist. "And your cleavage."  
"I noticed", Tarja answered and put her hands to his upper arms, caressing them. "So you like it?", she asked again.  
"I do", Tuomas answered. "And the other guys will too ..."  
"But I don't like the other guys", Tarja said with a light pout. "I like my Tuo ..."  
'Her Tuo' smiled and closed the space between them. Tarja laid her chin on his shoulders and sighed quietly, while his hands wandered up and down her back.  
"I love your hair", Tuomas said gently.  
"Thank you, I actually never straighten it", Tarja whispered into his ear. She had to hold back a moan as his hands had found her rear and gently kneaded it. "Tuo ...", she mumbled, but Tuomas had already parted her legs and lifted her up, carrying her to the bed. He placed her on it and hovered over her, before he started kissing her neck.  
"You make me go crazy", Tuomas breathed while he carefully bit her skin.  
"I can feel that", Tarja said with a mean laugh and tightened her legs around him, pulling him closer.  
His black jeans had grown tight and he groaned again. "You're so damn sexy ... I think I won't take you anywhere tonight. I want to have you only for myself."  
"You want to have me in general", Tarja moaned as he slowly licked over her white skin.  
"I want to and I will", Tuomas promised and his vibrating voice on her throat made Tarja close her eyes.  
"But you could also take me to the party", Tarja suggested, "and show everyone that you and I belong together ..."  
Tuomas kissed her neck one last time and then let go off her. He was sitting on her and observing her upper body from above.  
"My beautiful", he breathed and smiled as she did too.

The party had already reached its top as the black haired teenagers showed up.  
Tarja immediately saw that she wasn't whether over- nor underdressed and that she fitted perfectly into this group.  
Jukka has to be rich, she had thought as Tuomas had stopped his sister's car in front of a big mansion.  
"Jukka's parents are gone for the whole weekend", Tuomas had told her. "They have a second house near Helsinki."  
He had sounded slightly annoyed, so Tarja had elbowed him. "Doesn't your family have an island?"  
Tuomas had blushed. "How do you know this?"  
"Susanna likes to talk", Tarja had answered with a laugh. "A lot."  
Tuomas had only rolled his eyes and they had joined the party.  
Tarja let her eyes wander around the room, observing the party guests as well. Some of them looked pretty normal, but also some of them looked scary. There were men with both long hair and beards and girls with sidecuts. A guy with an electric guitar was rocking on a little stage.  
"It's amazing!", Tarja exclaimed and linked her arm with Tuomas'.  
He smiled and kissed her temple, before he pulled her to the bar. "I'm the driver, so no alcohol for me", he told Tarja. "But I'll pay yours, so no hesitation!"  
Tarja pulled him down and pecked his lips, before she turned to the barkeeper and ordered coke for both of them.  
"Is that Bacardi coke?", Tuomas asked and pointed at her drink, but Tarja shook her head.  
"Only coke. I've never been drunk and I want my first time with you." She winked.  
"You've never been drunk?", Tuomas asked surprised and Tarja nodded.  
"I only drink a little wine every now and then. When Timo isn't at home." Tarja frowned.  
Timo.  
He just had to destroy everything.  
Tuomas wrapped his arm around her and kissed her temple again. "You want your first time with me", he chuckled and Tarja threw a dirty look at him.  
"It was supposed to sound suggestive", she said icily.  
Tuomas wanted to tell her how much he admired her honesty, but a loud "TUO!" prevented him from praising her.  
A tall guy with a leather jacket pulled him in a manly hug. "You made it!", he groaned. "And you brought a girl!"  
"My girlfriend", Tuomas said and Tarja blushed as she heard the proudness in his voice. "Tari, this is Jukka. Jukka, Tarja."  
"Pleasure to meet you, Tarja", Jukka said and they shook hands, while Jukka's eyes scanned Tarja's body. "She's gorgeous, Tuo."  
"And she's mine", Tuomas answered and pulled Tarja close. "So don't even think about it." He suddenly sounded dangerous.  
"What do you think of me?", Jukka asked and laughed. "Even if I didn't have a girlfriend, she'd be a taboo for me. She's obviously too young."  
While Tarja thought about if she really looked that young, Tuomas gasped.  
"You have a girlfriend??"  
"Satu", Jukka answered and sounded like Tuomas had sounded as he had introduced Tarja as his girlfriend.  
"Wow, I can't wait to meet the woman who has stolen Jukka Nevalainen's heart", Tuomas said.  
"She's not here", Jukka told them. "She's in Helsinki, but I'm sure you'll meet her soon. Anyway, have fun at my party, Tarja. Interesting to meet the girl who has stolen Tuomas Holopainen's heart."  
Tarja smiled and tried to not care about that Jukka had called her 'a girl'.  
Well, after all you're still seventeen, she reminded herself.  
After they had emptied their cokes, they went a little around. They met Anja and Milo, together of course, and they caught Emppu as he tried to flirt with an older girl, who obviously wasn't interested in him. She even called him 'dwarf', but he didn't mind.  
"Emppu is drunk", Tuomas sighed. "We should help him."  
They pulled him away from the girl, who gave Tarja a thankful look, and brought him outside. Tuomas lightened a cigarette and gave it to Emppu. "You stay here until you feel better. From now on you'll only get water, I'll tell the barkeeper."  
Emppu rolled his eyes. "No ciggy for you, Tuommy?", he giggled.  
"I quit", Tuomas answered and Emppu stared at him dazzled.  
"When?? And why??"  
"The reason stands next to me, Erno", Tuomas growled and Emppu's eyes darted between him and Tarja.  
"She's like sacred or something?", he slurred and took a drag of the cigarette.  
Meanwhile, Tuomas grabbed his girlfriend's hand and pulled her back to the party. "You used to smoke?", Tarja asked.  
"Only a little. I quit as I saw that you didn't."  
"But I wouldn't have minded ... As long as it wasn't too much ..."  
"I'll never start again anyway", Tuomas said and smiled at her. "As long as you're by my side."  
Tarja blushed lightly. Deep inside she knew she wouldn't be by his side forever, but she shoved that thought away.  
You're young, she thought. Just enjoy the feeling of being in love for the first time.  
As they entered again, a brunette woman had just joined the man with the electric guitar on the stage.  
She had a microphone in her hands and knocked on it a few times, until it was quiet.  
"Hello, I'm Sara. A friend of Jukka. Uhm - sorry for disturbing, but -"  
"Just say it, Sara!", Jukka shouted and Sara laughed. "Who of you has been on the Metallica concert in January?"  
Almost everyone in the room lifted their hands, Tarja and Tuomas included. A few screamed "Fuck yeah!" and held up their hands, doing that horned hand sign.  
Sara laughed again. "They're pretty awesome, or not? Well, whatever - I have made my own little version of Nothing Else Matters and wanted to ask you if you want to hear it?"  
Tarja grabbed Tuomas' arm. "I love that song!", she screamed before everyone else could say something and Sara beamed at her. "Please sing!"  
"Yeah, sing!!", now the others shouted as well.  
Sara cleared her throat and nodded at the guy with the guitar, who started the intro of Nothing Else Matters.  
"Alright, guys, grab your girl, 'cause this is getting hot", Sara warned and Tuomas turned to Tarja.  
"May I have this dance?", he asked her gently and Tarja nodded.  
She put her hands on his shoulders and he pulled her close to him, putting his hands on her waist.  
Sara's deep voice surprised Tarja, she hadn't talked like an alto, but she sounded like one.  
"So close, no matter how far", she sung and it sounded amazing. "Couldn't be much more from the heart ..."  
Tuomas and Tarja slowly swayed, their eyes only on each other. Tuomas quietly talked the text along with Sara, but he only said the words for Tarja.  
"Forever trusting who we are. And nothing else matters."  
"Nothing else matters", Tuomas repeated in a whisper and brushed his lips over Tarja's, before he hummed the next lines against her lips.  
"Never opened myself this way", he hummed along with Sara's sung part. He had never felt a song like that, it was as if it had been written for Tarja and him. "Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don't just say ... And nothing else matters."  
Tuomas felt the sudden urge of telling her that he loved her, but he prevented himself from telling her. It could wait. It better had to wait.  
His lips wandered to her cheek and his hands to her back. He held her tighter.  
"Trust I seek and I find in you", Sara sung and suddenly she sang higher and louder. It sounded amazing and how Tuomas caressed her back and mumbled the lines along felt amazing.  
"Every day for us something new! Open mind for a different view. And nothing else matters!"  
And as the chorus started, Sara's voice changed completely. In a high and operatic voice she sung, "Never cared for what they do! Never cared for what they know!"  
"But I know", Tuomas whispered into her ear.

After the song had ended, everyone was clapping.  
"Wow, she has an amazing voice!", Tarja said and clapped loudly.  
"Come on", Tuomas said with a grin. "You know yours is so much better."  
"Not true!", Tarja hissed and slapped Tuomas' arm.  
"Want an acknowledgement?", he chuckled and Tarja hissed "No!"  
"Come on", Tuomas pleaded. "I'll do it with you ..."  
Tarja swallowed. Well, there is a first time for everything, or not? "Which song?", she whispered.  
"What about one of mine?", Tuomas asked lowly and Tarja looked at him surprised.  
"Really?"  
"Just don't tell anyone that I wrote it", Tuomas whispered and Tarja nodded. And Tuomas pulled her on the stage, taking the microphone from Sara.  
"Great job, Sara!", he praised. "Awesome version and great song. Who's with me??"  
The crowd jolted and made the horned hands again.  
"Anyway, I'm Tuomas and this is Tarja. If you don't mind, we'd like to perform a little song as well ..."  
"Do it", someone screamed and the crowd jolted again.  
"Jukka, I need your keyboard", Tuomas shouted.  
"I'll be right back!", Jukka shouted back and Tuomas turned to the crowd again.  
"The song is nothing special, only a poem that Tarja and I found. Tarja invented the melody, though."  
Tarja blushed as a few started clapping.  
Jukka put his keyboard in front of Tuomas and the boys started to connect the needed cables. "I haven't played in years, I rather play the drums", Jukka told Tarja.  
"Really, drums? Wow!", Tarja answered. "You could join me and Tuo, together with Emppu", she then giggled. "We'd be a rock band!"  
Jukka laughed. "Your girlfriend is amazing, Tuo."  
"I know", Tuomas whispered and played a few tunes.  
Tarja placed the microphone in front of Tuomas and the keyboard and placed herself behind the black haired man, whose fingers began to fly over the keys, filling the air with the melody that Tarja had invented, true, but Tuomas made it sound like so much more.  
And he started singing.  
"Remember the first dance we shared! Recall the night you melted my ugliness away! The night you left with a kiss so kind. Only a scent of beauty left behind!"  
Everyone cheered and Tarja closed her eyes, before she started.  
"Oh, dear friend I remember the night, the moon and the dreams we shared! Your trembling paw in my hand, dreaming of that northern land, touching me with a kiss of a beast!"  
She could hear the party guests clap and whistle wildly and as she opened her eyes, she saw a few holding up their thumbs to her.  
"I know my dreams are made of you", Tuomas continued.  
"Of you and only for you! Your ocean pulls me under, your voice tears me asunder! Love me before the last petal falls."  
Tarja already wanted to leave the stage, but suddenly Tuomas came up with a completely new line, she had never heard before.  
"As a world without a glance of the ocean's fair expanse, such the world would be if no love did flow in thee", he improvised. "But as my heart is occupied, your love for me now has to die. Forgive me I need more than you can offer me!"  
As he ended, Tarja decided within a second that she could improvise as well. She circled her arms around him and pushed his hands away from the keyboard, before she started playing a slower melody.  
"Remember beauty is found within!", she let out in a long and operatic tone, fitting with the slow melody and the audience screamed and applauded wildly.  
Tuomas immediately got what would come now and while Tarja sung the following part, he said it right into the microphone.  
"Forever shall the wolf in me desire the sheep in you."  
Tarja let go of the keyboard and Tuomas stood up, taking Tarja's hand. They bowed down, bathing in applause and screams.  
"Amazing!", Tarja could hear.  
"What a voice!"  
"Beautiful!"  
"That was so ...", Tuomas began.  
"Harmonious", Tarja whispered.  
And as Tuomas embraced his Love and kissed her deeply, the audience went crazy.


	14. Chapter 14

It was three o'clock, when they went to Susanna's car, still holding hands. Every now and then they smiled at each other, and when they had reached the car, Tuomas kissed her jaw gently.  
Tarja closed her eyes and put her head on the side, while Tuomas carefully caressed her jaw with his lips, wandering down to her neck. Tarja wrapped her arms around him and leaned against the hood, parting her legs and put him between them.  
Tuomas stopped kissing her neck and leaned his forehead against hers, while she pulled him closer with her legs.  
"What?", she whispered.  
"Nothing ... I just like looking at you", Tuomas whispered back. "You're far more beautiful than the universe."  
"You're stupid", Tarja mumbled and Tuomas pecked her lips.  
"I am?"  
"So very", Tarja giggled.  
Tuomas cupped her face and kissed her nose. "I don't feel stupid, to be honest. After all I chose you to fall in love with ..."  
For a short time it was completely quiet, then Tarja pulled him down by his shirt and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. "Let's drive home, or what do you say?"  
Tuomas nodded, a little embarrassed. Didn't she like him the way he liked her ...? Or had he only been to early? After all "I'm in love with you" was near to "I love you" ...  
He got off of her and pulled Tarja with him.  
For a short moment a picture crossed his mind, a naked Tarja laying on the hood of a car. And he was the one to give her pleasure ... Tuomas got red as he thought of how hot it would be to make love to her on a car.  
"What's up?", Tarja asked as he looked away and Tuomas shook his head.  
"Nothing. Let's drive home."  
They entered the car and as Tuomas started it, Tarja leaned in and kissed her boyfriend's cheek. "Thank you for taking me to this party", she whispered and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Jukka is really nice. And it was such a great feeling as everyone applauded ..."  
"You were amazing", Tuomas said with a low and raw voice, that made Tarja somehow nervous. "They only had eyes for you."  
"Tuo, your voice is amazing!", Tarja said. "It was the first thing about you, I fell in love with, to be honest ..."  
And with that she had said it too.  
Tuomas turned to his girlfriend and as if they had planned it, they both leaned in. Their lips touched gently first, but Tarja took the initiative and put his lower lip between her teeth, biting and pulling on it gently. Tuomas moaned and opened his mouth, letting the girl thrust her tongue in his mouth.  
Their tongues danced for a wonderful eternity and as Tuomas slowly pulled away, Tarja leaned her head back, revealing her white and delicate throat. Tuomas swallowed as he observed her closed eyes and opened mouth, and then he put his lips on her throat, gently sucking and licking over her skin.  
He could feel her slowly breathing as he went lower and when he reached her collarbone, he decided to risk it and began to suck gently.  
"Tuo -", Tarja moaned, but as she had pushed him away, he had already marked her with a small lovebite.  
"Sorry", Tuomas said and kissed the hickey. "I needed to mark you as mine."  
"You're no dog!", Tarja laughed and stroke over the hickey. It was her first ever and secretly she was proud that Tuomas had made it.  
The black haired boy smiled lightly as he started the car once more and drove out of the park zone and on the street. For a few minutes they said nothing, but then Tarja cleared her throat.  
"Uhm -"  
"Yes?", Tuomas asked and slowed a little down.  
"Where did you come up with that new line?"  
"I thought a little while you dressed up yesterday", Tuomas said softly. "Did you like it?"  
Tarja nodded. "A lot", she answered. "Why are you such a good writer?"  
Tuomas lifted his shoulders.  
"I just ... think a lot about life. And love."  
"I see", Tarja whispered. "Do you ... Think of something or someone specific when you write?"  
"Tarja", Tuomas pleaded and it sounded uncomfortable.  
"No, tell me", Tarja begged, but Tuomas shook his head slowly.  
"I don't always think of something specific, but sometimes ...", he stopped and sighed. "Sometimes I think of my father."  
"Your father?", Tarja asked, disappointed in his answer.  
She had thought he would say something like "I think about you while I write the poems", but she would have never thought he'd think about his father. "Why your father?", Tarja asked.  
"Well, that's a long story", Tuomas said softly and Tarja could see how his fingers clenched around the steering wheel. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"  
"Sure", Tarja answered. "Is our date still counting?"  
"Of course", Tuomas answered and smiled. "Could I ever say no to a picnic with you?"  
"And our talk", Tarja reminded him. "We have a lot to talk about."  
"True", Tuomas whispered. He was a little afraid ... Sure, they finally had to find out more about the other, but he was afraid of what would come out. Maybe she would find something about him she didn't like? Or the other way around, that Tarja had something with what Tuomas couldn't live with. After all he had fallen in love with her voice first, then with her looks and then with her character. But what if she was completely different than he knew her?  
"Okay, then we'll drive to your house now", Tarja guessed. "And when did you think of waking up?"  
"You can sleep as long as you want to", Tuomas answered. "I'll take a shower at nine, I do everytime after a party. And around lunch time, we'll drive to a secret place, which one I won't tell you yet."  
"I can already imagine with place you mean", Tarja teased and Tuomas laughed.  
"Never."  
"Sure", Tarja giggled. "You want to take me to your island."  
For a few seconds Tuomas said nothing and Tarja knew she was right. But then Tuomas said "Uhm, no?", which sounded very wrong, though.  
Tarja smiled gently and looked out of the window. She closed her eyes. Now all she could think about, was the following day. The day, when Tuomas would show his beloved his island.

And the day had arrived. Tuomas had showered at nine, as he had already told Tarja, and as he came back, his girlfriend was still sleeping. He went downstairs to make some coffee, black again for Tarja, and talk to his mother about his plans.  
Kirsti promised her son to put some bread, apples, grapes, bananas, juice and two slices of cake in the picnic basket. It was already eleven o'clock when he went upstairs to wake his girlfriend, but Tarja was already under the shower.  
Tuomas knocked. "Tarja!", he shouted.  
"I'm in the shower!", Tarja shouted back. "I hope that's okay!"  
"Of course", Tuomas said."Do you want some coffee?"  
"That would be nice, thank you!", Tarja answered.  
"Okay, just come downstairs", Tuomas informed his girlfriend and left the room, giving her some privacy.  
He had just sat down at the table and opened today's newspaper, when Tarja called him from upstairs.  
Tuomas didn't hesitate for a second, he jumped up and ran into his room, where he found an almost naked, only in a towel wrapped Tarja.  
Tuomas swallowed. His mouth was suddenly dry.  
Oh, how he needed to touch this white skin ...  
"Tuo", Tarja said, her voice sounding depressed.  
"What's up?", Tuomas asked, not able to take his eyes off of a naked Tarja clad in one of his towels.  
"Look at my collarbone", she said and Tuomas got closer. Yes, the hickey was visible.  
Tuomas sighed and went to the bathroom quickly, coming back with make-up. He pushed Tarja back and she landed on his bed, then started to cover her hickey.  
"Why do you have make-up in your bathroom?", Tarja giggled a little and Tuomas blushed.  
"I have strong acne", he mumbled and Tarja pushed him a little away, observing his face.  
"Uhm - where?"  
"I have to take pills aganst it", Tuomas said with a sigh. "Last year my acne was so strong, the dermatologist had to prescribe the pills for me. I take them for a year now."  
"That's bad", Tarja mumbled and thanked God for her normal skin.  
Tuomas continued to cover the hickey, and when he was done, he smiled proudly.  
"Almost invisible", he said and helped Tarja from his bed, who immediately wrapped her arms around the older boy.  
"And now you'll take me to wonderland, right?", she asked lowly and Tuomas leaned his forehead against hers.  
"Yes ... But before that, can you go downstairs and pick up the basket my mother should have prepared by now? I need to arrange another surprise for you, a surprise you won't figure out, like you did with my island."  
Tarja laughed and after a short kiss, she left the room.  
Tuomas was really an amazing boyfriend ... He wanted to pamper her and it seemed as if he didn't care about his own happiness, as long as she was happy.

It was half past eleven when they left. Tuomas asked Susanna if he cold have her car once more, but Susanna said she needed it for herself, so Tuomas looked for a helmet he could give to Tarja.  
"Have you ever sat on a moped?", he mocked Tarja when he noticed her frightened look and her hesitation to sit down behind him.  
"Sat, yes. Driven, no", Tarja answered and carefully sat down on the seat, immediately wapping her arms around her boyfriend.  
"You will love it", Tuomas calmed her down. "There's no better feeling than driving on a moped but not have to drive for yourself."  
"We'll see", Tarja mumbled. "How long will we drive?"  
"Fifteen minutes. If you get bored, you can sing", Tuomas said with a short laugh. "You can train your voice and I have a personal radio. That's better than using earphones while driving."  
"You do that?", Tarja asked shocked and let out a little scream, when Tuomas started the moped.  
"Sure!", he said and then he rolled the moped down to the street. "And now put your feet up!"  
Tarja did and Tuomas started driving.  
It was an amazing feeling indeed, Tarja just enjoyed the feeling of driving with Tuomas, the man she loved and trusted, and soon she leaned her head against his back and closed her eyes.  
She didn't sing, she was afraid she could distract him. And fifteen minutes later, Tuomas stopped the moped and told his girlfriend to get off. He pulled the basket and two towels out of the seat. "I couldn't find blankets", he grimaced.  
"Towels are okay", Tarja said and followed Tuomas to the shore. She watched him as he put the things down and went along the shore, observing the boats.  
"Where is my Soile?", she heard him mumble. "Come out, Soile."  
"Uhm - Tuo?", Tarja asked. "Who's Soile?"  
"My boat", Tuomas answered with a shrug. "My mother never puts it back where it was."  
"You know that Soile is my second name, right?", Tarja asked carefully and Tuomas looked at her with wide eyes.  
"I thought it was Susanna?"  
"My whole name is Tarja Soile Susanna", Tarja said laughing and Tuomas facepalmed. Then he laghed as well and reached out his hand.  
"Nice to meet you, Miss Tarja Soile Susanna Turunen. My name is Tuomas Lauri Johannes Holopainen."  
Tarja took his hand, but instead of shaking it, she pulled him close.  
"I know", se said lowly and kissed him.  
Tuomas was taken by that sudden kiss, but it didn't last long and Tarja pulled back.  
"I can see your boat", she then said and pointed at the last boat in the row, which had the word Soile written beautifully on its white wood.  
She took the basket in her one and Tuomas' hand in her other hand, while Tuomas carried the towels.  
"Let's drive to your island", she said giddily. "I'm so excited!"  
Tuomas didn't answer, he only smiled at the woman, whom he adored with his whole heart.


	15. Chapter 15

Soon Tarja was placed on the boat called Soile, the picnic basket between her legs. Tuomas played around with the motor, telling her that the 'little diva', as he called his boat lovingly, sometimes didn't want to start.  
After a few tries she finally made a noise and they drove a few metres, but came to stand in the water again. Tarja laughed. "Maybe she is jealous", she said with a wink. "First you call her 'my Soile' and pat her wood, but suddenly you kiss me right in front of her!"  
"She's a boat!", Tuomas said and looked at Tarja as if she was crazy.  
"Yes, but she has a name. And you talk about her, not about it ..."  
"This conversation makes no sense", Tuomas laughed and pulled the string one more time. And then they drove.  
"Good girl", Tuomas said and patted the wood of the boat once more.  
Tarja smiled absently. She had never been on this island ... Paula used to ask her permanently if and when they would drive to this island, but when Tarja told her "This is a private island! It belongs to the Holopainen-family!", Paula only used to roll her eyes and answer, "This is the adventure! Okay, I understand. You'll rather be boring."  
Now she would finally see what was on this island ...  
Tarja had no idea how long they drove, she was one with the nature. Her eyes wandered over the lake and the trees on the land and suddenly Tarja hit a wave of feelings and she stood up, placed herself next to Tuomas and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'll never leave Finland", she sighed and closed her eyes.  
Tuomas wrapped one arm around her and kissed her forehead. "Me neither. It's so beautiful here."  
Tarja enjoyed the noise of the motorboat and Tuomas' steady breathing, until he moved.  
"Uhm - honey?", he tried and Tarja looked at him, smiling. It was the first time he called her something sweet beside Tari.  
"Yes, sweetie?", she answered and Tuomas elbowed her gently.  
"Could you move a little? I have to push the boat to the shore.  
"Are we there yet?", Tarja asked and sat up. And really, the island was ten metres in front of her face.  
"Wow", Tarja said.  
It was a beautiful island, an island covered by trees. She could find a path between those trees, a path that led to the middle of the island, where she could spot a red cottage.  
Tuomas put off his shoes and after some thinking he put off his trousers as well and went into the water, pushing the boat to the shore.  
"Isn't that cold??", Tarja shrieked.  
"It's awfully cold", Tuomas answered, but that didn't prevent him from bringing his beloved safely to the island.  
As Soile hit the shore, Tarja grabbed the basket, the towels and Tuomas' shoes and jeans and got out of the boat. "Can I help you?", she asked and watched the half naked boy pulling the boat to the shore.  
"No, thank you. But I will ask my brother to build a pier with me here", he answered bitterly.  
"You have a brother?", Tarja asked surprised and Tuomas looked at her.  
"We really have a lot to talk about."

A few minutes later, Tuomas had dried himself and now led his girlfriend to the cottage. He showed her the inside and Tarja noticed, that one could live here. A table, a few chairs, a small kitchen, a couch and a bed.  
"Let me guess - you already slept here?", Tarja asked and admired the - surprising clean - cottage.  
"More than once", Tuomas answered. "Last summer I stayed here for a week."  
Tarja stared at him. "A week?? What the hell did you do all the time??"  
"I read a lot ... Listened to the nature ... Thought a lot about life ..."  
"So you were alone", Tarja mumbled.  
"With whom should I've been here? I don't like Emppu enough for spending a whole week with him alone", Tarja laughed shortly, "and I had no girlfriend. Susanna brought me food every now and then. She was the only one who knew where I was."  
"You were hiding?", Tarja whispered and noticed how Tuomas clenched the table.  
"Yes", he whispered.  
"From who?", Tarja asked and took his hand.  
"Come outside", Tuomas said softly and pulled her out of the cottage and along the path deeper into the small wood. On a little glade he put the basket and the towels down.  
"This is good for our picnic", he said. "That's the glade where I used to read my books when I was here."  
"It's beautiful", Tarja said and they sat down, starting to unpack all the things of the basket.  
And Tuomas began to tell his tale. "My father ... It's mainly about my father", he breathed.  
"You've never said a single word about your father", Tarja whispered and took a sandwich from him.  
"He ... He left us last summer."  
"Oh my god", Tarja mumbled. "Did you hide from him?"  
Tuomas nodded and then he pulled off his shirt in a quick move. "Look", he said and turned around.  
Tarja gasped as she saw the long scar that was all over his back. She felt bad that she had never tried to see him naked ... Maybe he would have showed her earlier, then. "Was that him?"  
"With a belt", Tuomas said softly and Tarja's heart melted as she noticed the tears in his eyes. "He was drunk and I came home late ... In a fight I kind of mentioned that I want to study literature or English."  
"And he didn't want that?", Tarja whispered and put her fingers gently on the scar. It wasn't deep or ugly, but it was visible.  
"He didn't like anything I did", Tuomas mumbled. "My music, my friends, my grades ..."  
"But your grades are so good!", Tarja shouted.  
"Too good", Tuomas sighed. "He was a sucker in school, so he was ashamed of his smart son. I fled the same night and lived here for a week. Until Susanna came and told me that he left us."  
"Wow", Tarja breathed. "I'm so sorry ..."  
"It's better, now that he's gone. Sure, my mother is depressed, but I honestly couldn't sleep anymore. I was so afraid he'd kill me while I was asleep."  
The tears fell down Tarja's cheeks.  
Her boyfriend had been bullied, slapped by his father, and now he wrote every pain in his poems ...  
Tarja put the sandwich away and wapped her arms around him, pushing him back.  
He was lying on the grass now, Tarja on top of him and straddling him. She kissed every inch of his face desperately, until her lips met his mouth. She stayed there for a while and closed her eyes, caressing his lips with hers.  
Tuomas was still surprised about the little attack from before, but now he welcomed Tarja in his mouth.  
Tarja got off of him and laid down next to him, her mouth never leaving his.  
Tuomas put one hand on her hip and pulled her close, until their upper bodies touched.  
Tarja rubbed her nose against his. "I'm not even hungry", she mumbled and kissed his mouth.  
Tuomas chuckled and held her closer. "Can we stay like this forever?"  
Tarja giggled and laid her forehead on his chest. "Forever", she repeated  
"... shall the wolf in me desire the sheep in you", Tuomas suddenly continued and Tarja had to laugh again.  
Tuomas looked down and kissed the top of her head. "Now you know about my father", he sighed.  
"I do", Tarja said and patted his chest gently. "You don't have to be afraid anymore ..."  
"I'm not afraid", Tuomas whispered and hugged her tighter. "I have you."  
For a few minutes they were only hugging and caressing each other, then Tarja put her chin on his chest, looking up to him.  
"What's your favourite colour?", she asked and Tuomas locked his eyes with hers.  
"Green", he whispered and Tarja blushed a little. "And yours?"  
"I don't know ... Red, maybe. Or orange or yellow. A happy colour."  
"Red, orange and yellow ... The colours of autumn."  
"I love autumn", Tarja said with a smile.  
"Favourite animal?", Tuomas asked and Tarja rolled her eyes, thinking about it.  
"Dogs", she then answered. "But I'm allergic. And cats and horses. Yours?"  
"Cats", Tuomas said with a smile. "And horses. Have you ever been on a horse?"  
"Nope", Tarja said. "I've been stroking and feeding them, but I've never been riding before."  
"Then I'll show you Mansikka and take you on a ride", Tuomas chuckled and Tarja sat up.   
"You have a horse?? How rich are you??"  
"I'm not rich", Tuomas said uncomfortably.  
"You have an island. You have a horse. You have a big house. What else do you have?"  
"Mansikka used to be Susanna's", Tuomas said. "But then Susanna started to study and now the horse is mine."  
"Okay", Tarja said. "But anyway. Wow! You have a horse!" Her eyes were shimmering.  
"Do you have another question?", Tuomas asked gently and kissed his girlfriend's lips.  
"Uhm", Tarja mumbled and tried to keep his lips on hers as long as possible. "When did you start writing poems?"  
"When I was fifteen, I think we've already talked about that ..." He kissed her again.  
"Oh, right", Tarja smiled. "And when did you decide to study literature?"  
"I've always wanted to do that. That or English."  
"You could be a teacher", Tarja mumbled and caressed Tuomas' cheek gently. "A teacher for English and Literature ... I would put my child in your courses."  
And if it's our child?, Tuomas thought but he didn't dare to ask.  
Tarja kissed him again and Tuomas cleared his throat. "And ... and you? What do you want to do?"  
"I already sent my application to several music colleges, but the one I want to visit is in Germany", Tarja said and hugged her boyfriend tighter, fearing his reaction.  
"Germany?" He sounded worried. "Why so far away? I thought you'd never go away ..."  
"And I won't", Tarja promised, "after I've studied singing."  
Tuomas nodded, a little stiff. "Will you ... stay with me?", he breathed and Tarja bit her lower lip.  
He was so cute, he thought about their future and it seemed he really didn't want to spend it without her ... But they were young. Sure, Tuomas was in love with her for more or less than a year, but Tarja felt that it wouldn't work out forever ...  
The lie came over her lips easily. "As long as you're with me, I don't care about what the future brings", she said and Tuomas locked their lips in a chaste kiss. Tarja bit her tears back. Why had she just said that?  
She couldn't promise him to spend the future with him, what if she came back from Germany and didn't love him anymore?  
The fear almost ate her, so she pressed him closely against herself. "I will visit you as often as I can", she mumbled against his mouth. "And we have two months for ourselves now, don't worry about the future ... Maybe they even won't accept me ..."  
He didn't answer, but Tarja suddenly tasted something salty on her lips. She gently licked his tears away and kissed him again. He was really something else.

They ate in silence. Tarja had planned to talk about everything and, fact was, she now knew more about him, but still not enough. He had been abused by his father before he left, his favourite colour was green, he had a horse, he wanted to study literature.  
What he knew about her, she wanted to study in Germany and her favourite colour was red, orange or yellow.  
Tarja felt bad when the older boy avoided her look as she serched for it. She had hurt him pretty bad as she told him she wanted to study so far away.  
You are stupid, Tarja thought to herself. Germany is far away and it's a different language ... And this guy seems to already miss you madly ... I wonder if this is going to work out. If not, I have to forget either the thought of Germany or Tuomas.  
She didn't want to forget any of these thoughts.  
Desperately she bit in her sandwich and closed her eyes. What was right and what was the wrong thing to do?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adult chapter! Highly rated!

They laid next to each other for a countless time, only looking at each other, smiling at each other.  
Every now and then one of them leaned in and kissed the other, but no one said a word. Both were afraid they would speak of Germany again and start to fight.  
After some time, Tarja had turned around and curled against her boyfriend, so he was spooning her. And after some time again, Tuomas had started to insert his hand under her shirt, caressing her stomach. His heart was beating madly, as his girlfriend took his hand and brought it a little closer to her breasts.  
Still no one said a word, not even when Tuomas had cupped one of her boobs and gently kneaded it.  
Finally, after so much time that both of them had no idea how late it was, Tarja said something.  
"Wait", she breathed and peeled herself out of his embrace, sat up and pulled off her shirt. She turned around and smiled. "Open it", she said.  
"Your bra?", Tuomas asked with a dry mouth and Tarja nodded.  
"Okay", Tuomas whispered. First he put away his shirt as well and then he brought his hands to the clasp of her bra, opening it with shaking fingers.  
The bra fell on the grass and Tarja turned around, smiling at the boy, whose blue eyes grew wide.  
"Wow", he said and Tarja took his hand again to bring it up to her breasts once more.  
Soon they both were almost completely undressed and locked in a deep kiss. Tuomas brought his hands to her thighs and parted them, placing himself beween them.  
Tarja moaned into his mouth as she felt how hard he was. He rubbed his hardness against her panty and Tarja broke the kiss. "Wait", she whispered. "Do you have a condom?"  
"Oh", Tuomas said. "No, I didn't bring any."  
"I hope you understand that I can't sleep with you, then", Tarja said and pecked his lips, before she pushed him off of her, stoop up and began to dress again.  
"I understand that", Tuomas said and sat up. "I wouldn't want to risk anything, especially with you."  
"Then let's wait", Tarja said and Tuomas nodded.  
"As long as you need to. But I promise, our first time will be overwhelming." He spoke with so much self-esteem, Tarja had to smile. "I'm going to plan this night in a way you'll never forget."  
"I doubt I will forget the first time I sleep with soneone, especially if it's you", Tarja purred and bent down to him, kissing him gently. "And I remember that you promised me a surprise."  
"Oh, right!", Tuomas said, stood up and pulled his girlfriend in an embrace. "But therefore you can take off your clothes again."  
"Skinny dipping?", Tarja giggled and Tuomas rubbed his nose against hers.  
"I prefer doing that at night", he answered and Tarja laughed.  
"Me too. But what else -?"  
She got interrupted when Tuomas grabbed her hand.  
"Follow me", he said.  
"I'll follow you everywhere", Tarja whispered.

The surprise was a sauna.  
Tarja's mouth went open when she saw it. Tuomas immediately started preparing everything he took the wood that was leaned against the sauna and carried it inside, then he got out again and hung up the towels.  
He smiled at Tarja and she gave him a smile back, then Tuomas threw a waiting look at her and entered again and Tarja quickly undressed.  
Completely.  
Holding her breath, she entered the steaming sauna as well and broke into laughter when she got closer and spotted Tuomas lying on the bench and grinning at her seductively.  
"What?", he asked as his girlfriend didn't stop laughing.  
"Nothing", she said and sat down next to him.  
"You're naked", Tuomas breathed.  
"So are you", Tarja answered.  
"Well, this is a sauna ... But I didn't expect you naked ..."  
Tarja bent down and kissed his mouth. "I have no problem with naked skin", she whispered against his lips and ran her hands over his chest and stomach, slowly wandering lower.  
"Tari ...", Tuomas whispered but Tarja had already reached his lower area, now caressing his manhood, as she had done a week ago.  
"Tuo?", Tarja whispered back.  
"I have no condom", he said helplessly and Tarja rubbed her nose against his.  
"Not everything is about sex", she said and took him in her gentle hands.  
"And I can't believe you never had sex before", Tuomas breathed.  
"How do you mean that?", Tarja asked and stroked his slowly growing erection.  
"Uhm -", Tuomas began, not quite able to concentrate. "Uhh -"  
Tarja laughed and let go of his manhood, laying down next to him. She kissed his lips. "Tell me."  
"You're so skilled", Tuomas said. "You're not ... well, ashamed of showing yourself naked, you're not ashamed of touching me. And you're simply beautiful, so I also don't get why you never had a boyfriend before me ..."  
"I promise you, I whether had a boyfriend nor sex before", Tarja said. "I would tell you!"  
"I believe you", Tuomas said. "But still, you do ... these things as if you've already done them before."  
Tarja thought for a moment, then she took her boyfriend's hand.  
"Let me show you something", she said quietly and parted her legs a little, while she moved his hand down to her private parts.  
Tuomas held his breath as he realised what she was up to.  
"Is this okay for you?", Tarja asked gently and laid his hand down between her legs.  
"It is", Tuomas growled lightly and moved his fingers, searching for her entry.  
Tarja gasped and closed her eyes when he stroke over her clit, but then she noticed that he had no idea what he'd just done. He had reached her slit and dipped the tip of his fingers inside.  
"I'm a little embarrassed", he whispered and Tarja moved her hand down as well.  
"Don't be", she whispered and smiled at him. "You're skilled."  
Then she moved his thumb to her clit, which began to swell, and Tuomas started caressing it with her help. "You're getting wet", Tuomas said a little surprised and Tarja smiled over his innocence.  
"Well, as I said ... You're skilled. This is good", she whispered and leaned her head against his chest.  
Tuomas put his chin on the top of her head. He could feel her breaths against his skin while he ran his thumb over her bundle of nerves, curling his finger inside her. "Have you ever masturbated?", she suddenly asked and he stopped caressing her for a moment.  
Tarja looked up to him. "We have to talk about that."  
Tuomas swallowed and slowly continued with taking her. "I thought about it", he admitted quietly. "But I had problems with ..." He stopped once more.  
"Getting hard?", Tarja asked and Tuomas nodded.  
"I never could ... get hard when I tried to think about something erotic", he mumbled. "But you turn me so on", he said a little louder and pushed a second finger inside of her, making her gasp his name.  
"I turn you on?", she chuckled then and as Tuomas pressed his pelvis against her, Tarja could immediately feel his hardness. "I see", she whispered and moaned as Tuomas began to move his fingers in and out.  
"I like this", he mumbled.  
"You'll even love it when it's not your fingers that's inside of me", Tarja moaned and clenched her walls around his fingers.  
"My tongue, for example?", Tuomas asked a little shy and Tarja moaned again.  
"You'd do that?", she breathed.  
"Why not?", Tuomas answered and added a little pressure on her clit. "You're tight", he mumbled. "And really, really wet ..."  
"God, yes", she whispered and kissed his throat. "Tuo ... Do you want to make me cum?"  
"I don't know, maybe", Tuomas answered. "Have you ever masturbated?"  
"Yes but I never managed to cum", Tarja said without hesitation. "I guess I needed you ..."  
"I needed you too", Tuomas mumbled and slowly pulled out his fingers.  
"Hey -", Tarja whimpered and followed his fingers with her eyes, watching Tuomas how he brought them up to his mouth to lick them clean. Before she could say something, he crawled down and parted her legs.  
Tarja grabbed the edge of the bench and looked down, finding a black haired head between her thighs. "Good god", she breathed and closed her eyes.  
"So wet", Tuomas breathed against her slit and swallowed. He had never done this before, he had no idea if he'd do it right. But there was always a first time, and after all he loved her!  
He opened his mouth and covered her damp vagina with his lips, thrusting his tongue inside her.  
The feeling of his warm and wet tongue inside her made Tarja go crazy. She threw her head back and let out a long and loud moan. She grabbed the edge of the bench tighter and bucked up her hips, making him go faster. And Tuomas went dizzy, her smell, her taste, her moans, the fact that this was real, this was no dream ...  
"I love you", Tuomas hummed against her entry, but he doubted that she heard it.  
The vibrating, which were caused by the hums, against her clit made Tarja go wild. She screamed and bit her lip, but then she remembered that they were alone on an island.  
"OH MY GOD!", she screamed. "TUOMAS! I'M - OH MY GOD!"  
Tuomas immediately felt when she climaxed, first, her thighs were tense and her pelvis was trembling. And second, her juices were running down her thighs and Tuomas had to lick her clean. He had never tasted something like that, something so sweet and unique ... He immediately realised that he had fallen in love with her taste.  
He got up and hovered over her, kissing her gently. "So this was your first orgasm", he whispered and Tarja, still breathing hardly, nodded.  
"I was flying", she mumbled and pulled him down. "You really did it ... I thought most of the boys find that disgusting."  
"If it makes you happy, I liked it", Tuomas mumbled. "You taste good ..."  
"Aw", Tarja laughed and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm still enjoying the post-coital bliss, you can do with me what you want", she said in a sultry tone.  
"I won't do anything with you right now", Tuomas said and hugged her back. "You're so sexy, though ... As you see, I have no problems with getting hard when you're around."  
"Good to know", Tarja purred and buried her face in the nape of his neck. "Let's enjoy some alone-time in the sauna ..."  
"Okay", Tuomas whispered and closed his eyes.  
"You smell good", Tarja mumbled and let her hands run up and down his back.  
"And you taste good", Tuomas chuckled and Tarja reached down to pinch his ass.  
"You can't stop thinking about it, huh?", she mumbled.  
"It was the first time for me", Tuomas answered and licked his lips, which still tasted like her.  
"For me too", Tarja breathed. "Oh god, you're good ... Now I am the one to think that wasn't your first time."  
"And now I am the one to say that I never had sex before", Tuomas answered and Tarja smiled.  
"Good", she said. "I believe you."  
They continued holding and caressing and kissing each other every now and then, until Tarja slowly let go of him. "I think it's late", she said and Tuomas nodded.  
"Shall we get back?"  
Tarja nodded and sighed. "I hate to say that but ... I have to go home."  
"Oh", Tuomas said and shrugged. "Okay. See you tomorrow, then?"  
Tarja bit her lower lip and looked at him. "Do you want to stay for the night? At my home?"  
"But ... Will your family be okay with this?", Tuomas mumbled. Of course he knew about their reactions about their quick change in their relationship.  
"I don't care", Tarja said sternly. "I'm almost 18, what can they do? Throw you out? I'd go with you." She grabbed his hand. "Forever, Tuo."  
Tuomas smiled. "Okay, then let's go to your home."


	17. Chapter 17

"Are you nervous?", Tuomas asked and took his shaking girlfriend's hand.  
"Well, yes", Tarja said. "I ran away yesterday, after a fight!"  
Tuomas wrapped his arm around the girl. His heart beated madly when he looked at her, now even more than ever, after they had shared some intimate things in the sauna. "I'll be right here with you."  
Tarja nodded and tried to open the door. "Locked", she said and pressed the doorbell. "Let's hope my mother is going to open", she said and prayed to god while she squeezed Tuomas' hand madly.  
But Timo opend.  
"Tarja", he said and crossed his arm. "Tuomas. Nice to have you back."  
"Let us in, Timo", Tarja said with an unfriendly scowl and Timo stepped aside, observing her closely when she walked inside, dragging her boyfriend behind her.  
"Is that a hickey?", he suddenly asked and grabbed Tarja's arm. He pulled her close and looked at her neck, Tarja desperately trying to free herself.  
"Let me go", she hissed but her brother grabbed her tighter.  
"Why do you have a hickey?", he asked angrily.  
"Well, let me think, Dad", Tarja said sarcastically, before she screamed, "Where do hickeys come from, huh?!"  
"That wasn't my question", Timo said and finally let go of his younger sister, who jumped back and hid behind Tuomas, who stared at Timo with wide eyes.  
No one said a word for a felt eternity, then Timo stepped closer. "What else have you done to her?", he asked the young man.  
"Why should I do something to her?", Tuomas asked and Tarja squeezed his hand.  
"Do you think he'd rape me?", Tarja asked.  
Timo sighed. "I'm sorry, pal. I'm overprotective, I know. But my sister has been bullied, I'm still worried that someone could hurt her."  
"I would never hurt her", Tuomas promised and Tarja nodded.  
"Can we go upstairs now?", she asked unpatiently and her brother rolled his eyes.  
"Go", he said. "And cover your hickey better."  
Tarja suddenly remembered that they had been in the sauna for a while, of course the hickey was visible again.  
"Shit", she cursed and pulled her boyfriend upstairs before her parents could see her.  
In her room she immediately covered her hickey as good as possible, while Tuomas unpacked the things he had brought for the night.  
"Do you want to eat something?", Tarja asked, observing Tuomas in the mirror.  
"Depends on what you have", Tuomas said shyly. "I'd be happy with cornflakes."  
"Aw", Tarja said with a smile and recked her neck to check if the hickey was still visible. "We usually have everything. I can cook some soup for the two of us, if my mother hasn't cooked something."  
"Okay", Tuomas said and stood up from her bed.  
"How do I look?", Tarja asked as she turned around.  
"So beautiful", Tuomas whispered and looked at her a little undeterminded.  
Tarja laughed. "Why so shy? You've seen me naked today, you should be on top of me again and ravish me."  
Now Tuomas laughed. "Let's go downstairs."  
Tarja nodded and opened the door. "Mother?"  
"Tarja? You're back?"  
Tarja grimaced, hadn't Timo told her?  
"I am", she called back. "And ... Tuomas is with me."  
She crossed her fingers, but her mother didn't reply.  
"Do you have something to eat?", Tarja asked on. "Or shall I cook something?"  
"Come down, first", Marjatta called. "Let's talk."  
Tarja nodded and looked at Tuomas, who had a glimpse of angst written over his face.  
Tarja sighed and cursed herself for telling him why she had run away. Of course he blamed himself. "Come on", she said gently and took his hand.  
They went downstairs hand in hand, Marjatta smiling slightly when she saw them.  
"Timo is gone", she said. "He's with a friend. And your father has to work overtime."  
"So?", Tarja asked a little challenging and Marjatta sighed. "Come inside", she said and the teenagers entered the kitchen. "Let's talk a little while I cook."  
Marjatta prepared everything she needed for blueberry-pancakes first, before she asked her first question.  
"Did you sleep together, yet?"  
"No, Ma'am", Tuomas answered politely and Tarja's mother stared at the boy.  
"Heaven, call me Marjatta!", she laughed. "I'm not that old."  
Tarja laughed as well and elbowed the reddening Tuomas.  
"Anyway, you intend to use protection, right?", Marjatta went on.  
"Mother!", Tarja hissed. "We already talked about that and I told you that we wouldn't forget to use a condom!"  
"I know, calm down", Marjatta said. "But still, you can take as much as you need from my store", Marjatta offered, but Tarja declined her mother's offer with a dry laugh.  
"Once we need condoms I certainly won't take what I need from your store", she said. "I'll be smart enough to buy my own."  
Tuomas felt a little excluded in that talk. It was a mother/daughter-talk, why was he here?  
"Can I help you with something, Mrs. Turunen?", he asked and quickly added, "Marjatta."  
"Well, if you want to stir, please", Marjatta said and gave the bowl with the pancakes to Tuomas, who started stirring.  
"Tarja, put in the blueberries", her mother said and Tarja nodded, doing what her mother said.  
"Then, what did you do today?", she wanted to know.  
"We were on Tuomas' island", Tarja began.  
"Island?", Marjatta asked and then her mouth went open. "You are the owner of the Holopainen-island?"  
"Mum - his last name's Holopainen", Tarja said. She noticed how uncomfortable her mother got, and she was right. Tuomas was rich, they weren't. Marjatta showed huge respect in front of richer people.  
"It's not my island, by the way", Tuomas said, hoping he could calm down his girlfriend's mother. "It's only an island that's ... dedicated to us, somehow."  
No one said a word, so Tuomas continued stirring.  
The silent remained, even as the pancakes were in the pan, and as they brought their plates to the table, Tarja finally spoke again.  
"Tuomas will sleep here, if that's okay."  
"It's okay", Marjatta said, her lips pressed together. She didn't sound very happy.

"Your mother didn't sound quite happy when you told her I would sleep here", Tuomas said and Tarja shrugged.  
"She'll learn to live with it."  
She wrapped an arm around her boyfriend and pulled him close, pressing a little kiss on his lips.  
Tuomas smiled and kissed her nose. "Tarja ... Today was ..."  
"Yes?" Her eyes were shining up to him and he smiled.  
"It was amazing. I've never tasted something like that, there's nothing in this world that I could compare it to."  
"I was so sure that you'd find this disgusting", Tarja mumbled and rested her chin on his shoulder. "You are amazing."  
Tuomas didn't answer, instead of answering, he let his hands run up and down his girlfriend's back, until he had reached the edge of her pajama shirt and slowly pulled it up. He caressed her skin with the tips of his fingers and felt how her skin erupted with goosebumps.  
Tarja quietly moaned in his ear and wrapped her right leg around his thigh. "What are you up to?", she whispered.  
"I only wanted to continue the finding out what my girlfriend likes and what she doesn't like", Tuomas whispered back and opened her bra. "And I think these two haven't gotten much attention today", he went on and let his hands wander to her front, gently cupping her breasts.  
Tarja turned and came to lie on her back, while she peeled her shirt off and exposed her naked upper body.  
Tuomas straddled her, putting each of his knees next to her hips and sat down on her thighs, before he bent down. He kneaded her breasts carefully and placed a little kiss between them. "Tell me as soon as you don't like it, ok?", he whispered and Tarja nodded.  
She closed her eyes when she felt the tip of his tongue touching her skin, drawing circles over it. He started with her left breast.  
While he gently stroke her right, he kissed her left one way up to her hardened nipple, which he took between his lips and sucked softly.  
He was surprised when she breathed, "Harder!"  
Tuomas did so, sucking her nipple and after some time biting down carefully.  
Tarja suddenly grabbed the head of her bed and let out a scream. "That's it!", she breathed and parted her legs. "I love it, Tuo, go on", she moaned and let her right hand sink down, burying it in her pajama pants.  
"What are you doing?", Tuomas asked, observing her hand.  
"I'm touching myself while you do your job upwards", she moaned and Tuomas pulled her hand out of her pants.  
"Patience", he whispered and wrapped his arms around her. He let his lips sink down on hers and as their lips locked in a deep kiss, Tarja wrapped her arms around him as well. In her lust she thrusted her tongue into his mouth and their tongues started dancing with each other. As the kiss grew deeper, their tongues fought for dominance and Tuomas brought his hands up to her naked upper body again.  
He was just about to squeeze her breats again, when a scream stopped him from doing it.  
"GET OFF OF MY DAUGHTER!", Teuvo thundered while Marjatta screamed in a high pitched voice.  
Tuomas didn't get off of her, despite the fact she was still naked, he pressed her even tighter against himself.  
"Get out!", Tarja screamed, tears of anger streaming down her cheeks. "It's my decision what to do and what not, okay??"  
"I heard you scream". Marjatta whimpered. "I knew he wasn't good for you."  
"Lair", Tarja screamed and embraced Tuomas tighter. "You were the first to support us! I can't believe it! Get out! I'm naked!"  
"We will get out but he will come with us", Teuvo said and Tarja grabbed her boyfriends shoulder blades.  
"Make him leave", she hissed. "You won't be successful anyway, he'll stay with me!"  
"Tarja", Teuvo growled. "The boy will leave."  
"No!", Tarja screeched. "If he'll leave, I'll leave with him! I love him, deal with it!"  
Tuomas' heart started throbbing madly. She loved him! Too bad that he had to find it out like that ...  
"Tarja, we won't hurt him. We only want to keep you two from sleeping with each other", Marjatta tried to explain and Tarja groaned.  
"Mother! Father! I am still naked, could you please get out so I can get dressed?? I promise you, he won't fuck me in the thirty seconds you won't see us from now."  
"Tarja!", Teuvo shouted shocked, while Marjatta put her hand in front of her mouth. What had happened to her sweet, innocent daughter?  
"Get! Out!", Tarja hissed again. "You have no right to throw out my boyfriend because we were kissing! Get out, I'll dress again, and then we'll go to sleep."  
"Tarja, it's not that we don't want you to be happy", Marjatta started.  
"And of course sometime it has to happen", Teuvo threw in and Marjatta nodded.  
"We're only careful, honey ... We want you to be sure about him and wait a proper amount of time until you know that he's the right one."  
"Two weeks ... That's nothing", Teuvo said calmly. "We don't want you to get unhappy."  
"Okay, fine", Tarja said. "I understand and I respect your sight of the things. But now listen - I. Am. Still. Naked. Please get out, so I can get dressed. I promise to you, we will only sleep next to each other. Because Tuomas will stay."  
Tarja's parents sighed, but after a mumbled "Good night" they left the room.  
Tuomas got off of Tarja, who immediately hid her face behind her hands. "I'm so embarrassed", she whispered.  
"I'll go to the bathroom", he informed her. "We really should go to bed."  
Tarja nodded and Tuomas went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth.  
When he came back, Tarja was dressed again and her back was turned to him. He laid down next to her and kissed her cheek.  
"Good night", he whispered, but Tarja didn't answer. First she was completely quiet, but as he heard the quiet sobs, Tuomas spooned her and took her hand, holding it as tight as he could.


	18. Chapter 18

Tuomas awoke because something - or someone - was crawling over his face. He slowly opened his eyes and caught Tarja trailing her index finger over his face, drawing over the crinkles which were caused by the pillow.  
"Good morning", she whispered and laid her lips on his.  
"Morning, my angel", he whispered back. "For how long have you been awake?"  
"A while ... I like looking at you", Tarja answered. "I ... I couldn't sleep longer. All the time I feared that my parents come in and catch us snuggling."  
"We should elope", Tuomas mumbled and hugged her. He brushed a curly strand out of her face and looked at her.  
Tarja's cheeks went slightly red when he studied her face from so close. "What?"  
"You're so beautiful", he mumbled. "I can't believe you're mine."  
Tarja smiled and kissed his lips again. "I still don't believe the story of how you fell in love with me", she giggled and Tuomas gently pinched her ass.  
"Why not?"  
"Well, how Disney is that? You hear my voice and fall in love with it, not knowing who I am. A few weeks later you finally see me singing and fall in love with the whole me."  
"But it really happened like that", Tuomas defended himself. "And you will never be able to insult me with the word Disney."  
Tarja laughed. "Right, I forgot he is your idol."  
Tuomas smile gently and hugged her. "I fell in love with your voice ... Like Erik fell in love with Christine's voice."  
Tarja's mouth fell open as she remembered her secret wish.  
I want someone who loves my voice as Erik love Christine's, I want someone who wooes for me like Erik has wooed for Christine ...  
Well, Tuomas didn't wear a mask, and he didn't visit her in her dreams, yet. But he definitely loved her voice.  
"In sleep he sang to me ", Tarja suddenly began to sing quietly. "In dreams he came ..."  
"You just have to be perfect, hm?", Tuomas asked and leaned his forehead against hers. "Listen, Love", he said then and Tarja's heart began to flutter. "Do you want to meet Mansikka today?"  
Tarja sat up and leaned over her boyfriend. "I'd love to", she said with a broad smile. "I hope she'll like me."  
"She'll love you", Tuomas promised. "She's my horse after all." He winked. "Maybe she will be a little jealous in the beginning -"  
"Like Soile?", Tarja joked. "You know she didn't want to start after you kissed me in front of her, and she's only a boat. Mansikka could kick you ..."  
"You're so stupid", Tuomas interrupted his girlfriend with a laugh, took her wrists and turned her around, so that she was lying on her back now and he was above her. "And I love you for that", he whispered after Tarja had stopped laughing as well.  
Now her eyes were shining up to him.  
"Oh, Erik ... I see you every night, but I never see you during the day", she whispered and Tuomas looked at her confused for a moment, until they both bursted into laughter.  
They calmed down after some moments and Tuomas gently laid his hands on her cheeks. "Your laugh is so perfect", he said when Tarja still beamed up to him. He slowly trailed his thumb over her lips. "I enjoy being with you."  
Before Tarja could answer, he had placed his lips upon hers and his tongue trailed along the slit between them, until Tarja let him enter with a moan.  
For a short time the air was filled with soft sighs and noises of making out, until the clearing of a throat made them part.  
"Good morning", a stiff voice said and Tarja lifted her head up.  
Her mother was standing in the doorframe, a tray in her hands. Her eyes travelled down and the relief was written all over her face when she saw that Tarja was still wearing her nightshirt.  
"Good morning, Mrs. Turunen", Tuomas said with red cheeks and quickly got off of Tarja.  
"Marjatta", Tarja's mother replied and entered her daughter's room. "Nothing has changed in our relationship."  
Tarja and Tuomas shared a quick glance and Tarja nodded.  
"Good morning, mum", Tarja said gently.  
"Are you drunk?", Marjatta laughed. "You never call me mum, you always say mother in a very despising tone."  
"That's not true!", Tarja stated and added, "Mother."  
"I'm afraid Marjatta is right", Tuomas said, his whole face deep red.  
Tarja glared at her boyfriend. "Bootlicker", she hissed and Marjatta laughed.  
"I like him", she said.  
"Well, then date him", Tarja spit and now her mother laughed.  
The two teenies sat in the bed, both in their nightclothes, the girl's face red of anger and the boy's face red of embarrassment.  
"I'm only kidding", Marjatta chuckled and Tarja grabbed a pillow and lifted it up.  
"Out!", she ordered and pretended to throw the pillow.  
"Hey!", her mother shouted. "I have breakfast for you!"  
Tarja let the pillow sink. "Wait - for us?"  
Marjatta lifted up the tray. "Coffee - black of course, extra milk, cornflakes, bread and butter. I didn't know if you like some honey, Tuomas?"  
"He's got his honey next to him", Tarja said dryly and Marjatta rolled her eyes.  
"Honey, Tuomas? Or some jam?"  
"Bread with butter is okay", Tuomas said. "Thank you."  
Marjatta smiled at the teenagers and brought the tray to them, putting it down on the bed. "And what are you up to, today?", she asked, while Tarja immediately took the coffee.  
"Tuo has a horse and we'll visit it", she said and took a sip from the coffee. "Take a ride and so ..."  
"A horse, Tarja??", Marjatta asked excitedly. As her daughter didn't answer, she turned to Tuomas. "She always wanted to have a horse when she was a child."  
"Mother", Tarja said warningly and Marjatta laughed.  
"There's that despising 'mother' again. Okay, I'll leave you two alone."  
She turned around and went outside, mumbling, "An island and a horse - that boy is rich, he must be rich."  
"I'm not rich", Tuomas said after the door was closed.  
"Sure you are", Tarja said and nipped at her cup again.  
"Tarja", Tuomas said and suddenly he sounded different. He sounded unsure. "Please never say that again, okay? Never. Especially not when my mother is around."  
"Why?", Tarja asked and Tuomas looked at her seriously.  
"My father is gone and we have no idea where he is, remember?", he started. "Which means, we also get no money from him, what would be bearable if my mother had a job."  
"Oh", Tarja whispered. "Fuck, I'm so sorry, Tuo ... I didn't think of it ..."  
"It's okay, why should you?", Tuomas asked lowly and wanted to take a slice of bread, but Tarja grabbed his hand.  
"I should", she said. "Because I care about you."  
Tuomas smiled gently. She had told her parents that she loved him ... Why hadn't she told him yet? He had told her.  
"We should eat ... And then we can leave", he said and Tarja let go of his hand, nodding.

An hour later they got off of Tuomas' moped once more. "I'll buy a car as soon as I can", he promised her.  
"I hope so", Tarja whined and tried to flat her hair. Her curls stood wildly in every direction.  
"But still, I told you", Tuomas said gently. "You look gorgeous."  
"I hate my hair", Tarja said with a disgusted look. "I don't want curls anymore."  
"Susanna used to have curls, but she found a really good hairdresser", Tuomas said. "This one also dyed my hair black."  
"Right, you were brunette", Tarja said with a nod. "Okay, tell me more about that hairdresser."  
Tuomas laughed. "He likes to change someone's style. I wanted to go to him but ... He likes me. Too much."  
Tarja laughed loudly. "Okay, I'll go there with you."  
Tuomas grimaced. "Thanks."  
While they walked to the stable hand in hand, they talked about how they wanted their style to be. Tuomas talked about jeans with holes and leather jackets, a beard and long hair.  
Tarja talked about long, flat hair and lots of makeup, leather jeans and high heel boots.  
"Bracelets", Tuomas said. "Leather bracelets. And necklaces with crosses."  
"Just take a rosary and violá", Tarja giggled and Tuomas stared at her.  
"Yes!", he said. "That's a really good idea!"  
"Oh my god, you're crazy!", Tarja laughed. "Well, I need rings. Lots of rings."  
Tuomas smiled at her gently. How much he wished to give her a ring, a special ring ...  
He squeezed her hand and smiled down to her.  
Tarja looked up to him and replied his smile. Tuomas pressed a quick kiss on her lips and pulled her further, until they reached he stable. A middle aged woman was currently grooming a white horse outside of the stable.  
"Hi, Lydia", Tuomas called and the blonde woman turned around.  
"Hello, Tuomas!", she shouted back. "Mansikka already misses you!"  
"I was busy", Tuomas replied as they had reached the woman. "Tarja, this is Lydia. Lydia, this is Tarja. My girlfriend."  
Once again, Tarja could hear how proud he was to call her his girlfriend.  
Tarja smiled as she shook Lydia's hand. "Are you the owner of the stable?", she asked.  
"The daughter of the owner", Lydia answered. "I take care of Mansikka when Tuomas is busy."  
"Is she okay?", Tuomas asked. "Susanna told me she was a little twitchy last time ..."  
Tarja looked around. It wasn't a big stable, there were only four or five horses she could see. Tarja inhaled the air and her heart started beating. She loved the smell of horses.  
Tuomas took her hand again.  
"Thank you", he said. "We'll ride a little."  
"Okay", Lydia answered. "No problem. Greet Susanna from me."  
Tuomas nodded and pulled Tarja away. "We'll ride somewhere secret", he whispered into her ear and kissed her cheek. He pulled her towards the stable and Tarja counted the horses in their boxes again.  
Seven horses and two ponies. All of them were cute or beautiful, but one horse was so incredibly stunning, Tarja forgot to breathe for a moment.  
"This horse is -", she whispered and stepped closer. "It's the most beautiful horse existing", she breathed and approached the box until she could read the horse's name.  
Mansikka.  
"This is Mansikka?", she whispered and looked up to the horse. The green eyes of the horse reminded her of her own and the black fur and mane reminded her of her own hair.  
"She looks like me", Tarja said surprised and Tuomas chuckled. He circled his arms around her from behind and pulled her against his body.  
"You don't look like a horse", he said.  
"Yes but - her eyes! Her mane!"  
"She's beautiful", Tuomas said and Tarja nodded.  
Mansikka snorted and streched her head out of the box, her nostrils widened.  
"Hey, black beauty", Tuomas said gently and touched her nose. Mansikka snorted once more. "You wanna take a ride?"  
Mansikka threw a look at him and snorted again.  
"Did she say yes?", Tarja asked.  
"She said, Hands off of my boyfriend, strange girl", Tuomas joked and Tarja rolled her eyes.  
"I know, you didn't understand her as well", she said and Tuomas kissed her neck.  
"I didn't, but I wish I did", he said gently and kissed her throat.  
"Tuo ... Stop that, or I'll undress right here and now", she moaned. Tuomas laughed and trailed his tongue from her neck to her ear.  
"Sexy ... A striptease in the stable", he growled and now trailed his tongue over her ear conch.  
"Very sexy", Tarja groaned sarcastically and crossed her legs, trying to make the flowing of her juices stop.  
But Tuomas even made it worse, he put his hands against her thighs and parted her legs, before he laid his one hand down on her private area.  
"Not here, please", Tarja whispered when he started to massage her genitals. "Let's ride somewhere secret, as you said, and then let's continue ..."  
Her lust was growing.  
Tuomas swallowed, but he took his hand away. He had no idea if he would be patient enough to wait any longer. He needed her, he longed for her, he wanted her.


	19. Chapter 19

"Are you okay?", Tuomas called back. She was holding tighlty on him and pressing her legs against Mansikka's stomach tensely.  
"I'm - I'm okay!", Tarja screeched and pressed her face against Tuomas' back.  
"We're only trotting", Tuomas called worriedly.   
"Make her walk! Make her walk!", Tarja screamed and Tuomas chuckled when he took the reins tighter to make the horse slow down.  
"That's not funny", Tarja screamed, but Tuomas couldn't hold himself anymore. He was laughing about his girlfriend's anxiety as he stopped Mansikka and got off of the horse. He helped the dark haired girl getting down as well.  
Tarja was holding on her boyfriend tight and when he finally placed her down, she noticed that her knees were trembling.  
"I thought you loved horses?", Thomas chuckled.  
"I do!", Tarja said but she didn't sound sure about it anymore. "I've just never been on a horse before ..."  
"Why didn't you tell me?", Thomas sighed. "Alright, let's start slowly. I'll help you sit on Mansikka again but I'll stay on the ground. Then I'll guide her while you just hold the reins. Okay?"  
"Yes", Tarja mumbled and looked down. "I didn't know I was so afraid of riding."  
"No need to", Tuomas calmed her down. "You should have told me, though. Then I wouldn't have started with trot."  
"Sorry", Tarja mumbled and put her right foot in the stirrup and swung her left leg over Mansikka's back. As she sat on the horse again, holding on the reins, Tuomas took the halter and started to walk. Mansikka walked well-behaved after him.  
"Now that's better", Tarja said and patted Mansikka's throat. "This tempo I like."  
"Sorry", Tuomas chuckled.  
"And you, mister!", Tarja said loudly. "You laughed about me while I was panicking!"  
"I'm sorry but you were so cute."  
Tarja rolled her eyes. "Cute", she spit. "I almost died because I was so afraid."  
"Oh, Tarja", Tuomas chuckled again and held is hand up to her.  
She immediately grabbed it and held it tight, Tuomas noticed that she was afraid of falling down. Or that Mansikka would go faster, suddenly.  
But she didn't, she was a good girl.  
"Mansikka is sixteen years old", Tuomas explained. "She was born two years after me, and her mother was my mother's horse, so I practically know her for almost my whole life. Susanna got her when she turned eleven. It was the best day in her life."  
Tuomas caressed Tarja's hand. "When Susanna gave the horse to me, I also thought about this being the best day in my life. Until you and I kissed for the first time ..."  
Tarja smiled down. "I love you", she said, happy that they finally said it out loud.  
"I love you too", Tuomas said and took Tarja's foot out of the stirrup.  
"What are you doing?", Tarja asked as he replaced her foot with his own.  
"I wanna be with my love", he answered and faster that Tarja could look, he was beind her and his hands were on her waist.  
His lips traveled over her neck and nape of her neck and Tarja turned her head, so their lips could meet.  
When their lips melted together and their tongues met, Tarja opened her mouth and their tongues began to dance. They were so sunken into that deep kiss, none of them noticed how Mansikka got faster.  
Until a soft shaking made Tuomas wonder where they were going. He pulled back and noticed how fast Mansikka was trotting, close to galloping.  
"Shit, I left the reins!", Tarja screamed and Tuomas reached forth to grab the reins. He pulled and pulled and Mansikka got slower.  
Tarja was clenching the saddle. "What are you doing??", she screamed as she noticed that, as soon as Mansikka was walking again, Tuomas was suddenly standing behind her.  
"Changing place with you", he answered. "Get a little back in the saddle!"  
Tarja did and Tuomas carefully passed her and sat down in front of her. Tarja immediately circled her arms around him once again and held onto him, while Tuomas held the reins short.  
"You're a circus artist, or what?", Tarja grumbled and Tuomas laughed again.  
"Moody today?", he asked and took her hand.  
"Both hands on the reins!", Tarja barked and Tuomas squeezed her hand.  
"I'm a good rider", he said. "Normally I even ride without saddle and gallop."  
"You're crazy", Tarja mumbled but she squeezed his hand as well. She felt safe with him, after all.

After some time he stopped. "Well, we're here now", he said. "If we have trotted, we would've been faster, but my girlfriend was afraid to go faster."  
"Whatever", Tarja said with rolling eyes. "At least I now could enjoy a beautiful ride with my boyfriend ..."  
"Ouh ... That was suggestive", Tuomas chuckled and Tarja laughed. "But the real ride you won't just enjoy, you will never forget it again."  
"Well, I hope so", Tarja gurred and kissed his lips gently.  
"Tari ...", Tuomas whispered and put his hands on her hips. "We're here."  
Tarja turned around and all that she saw was was a big weeping willow on the shore of a small lake. "That's the magic place?", she asked and Tuomas nodded.  
"Follow me", he said and within a second he had jumped off of the horse.  
"Not fair", Tarja said and slowly got off as well.  
"You're getting better", Tuomas said with a light sneering undertone.  
"You're an ass", Tarja said lovingly and wrapped her arms around him. "Now show me that magic place."  
Tuomas took his girlfriend's hand in his and pulled her towards the willow.  
"And Mansikka won't run away?", the black haired girl asked when she noticed that Tuomas had his horse just left where it had came to stand.  
"She won't", Tuomas said and pulled a few branches of the willow away, revealing a wonderful hiding place right beneath the willow. Half of that place was still land, the other half was water. It was light, the sun reached the place through the Willow's branches.  
"That's magic indeed", Tarja said and touched the willow's wood.  
"I always climb to the top", Tuomas said and embraced Tarja lightly. "I thought we could do it together ..."  
"Oh, I better not climb today", Tarja said.  
"What's up with you?", Tuomas asked. "You're afraid of riding , you don't want to climb - where is the Tarja I know and love?"  
"She disappeared when she got her period this morning", Tarja huffed.  
"Oh", Tuomas said a little helpless. "Can I ... can I do something for you?"  
"Not really", Tarja said with a shrug. "I need to deal with it alone. It's not like you could make it stop."  
Tuomas bit back a comment of how he could make it stop and just nodded helplessly again, but then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. He pressed a little kiss on her lips. "I love you."  
"You already said that", Tarja grumbled.  
"Yes, but I love you more with every minute we are together", Tuomas explained. "It's a fact."  
"It's a fact that you escaped from a Disney movie", Tarja chuckled. "I think it was Snow White, you kinda look like the prince. Anyway, you were the prince and sick of a plain and boring princess, so you asked the mirror to transfer you into a world where you could date the most disturbed and complicated girl existing."  
"Once again, 'being out of a Disney movie' is no insult for me", Tuomas said. "But why disturbed, my love? You're one hell of a perfect woman. You enchant me with your beauty and your voice, your body makes me crave for you and your eyes make me sink deep into them, wishing, I could stay there forever."  
"Right out of a Disney movie", Tarja chuckled and caressed his cheeks. "I love you too, even when you talk like that."  
Tuomas smiled and kissed her. "I've written another little poem, by the way", he admitted.  
"When?", Tarja asked and Tuomas smiled lightly.  
"This night. You were asleep and I couldn't, I was so afraid your father would come in and throw me out. As I noticed that I wouldn't be able to sleep for the next hours, I stood up and wrote."  
"Well, show me!", Tarja begged.  
"It's ... it's different, Tari", Tuomas mumbled. "After ... after yesterday I have ... longings. I long even more for you."  
"So it's an erotic poem?", Tarja asked and smiled as Tuomas nodded. "Can't wait to see it", she mumbled and let her fingers crawl over her boyfriend's chest, who swallowed.  
"Tarja ..."  
"You like that ...", she whispered. "But you hate that you can't take me now ..."  
"I'd take you anyway , I don't care if you have your period or not", Tuomas groaned and Tarja slapped his upper arm.  
"Ew!", she yelled and laughed. "Okay, show me."  
Tuomas pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I'll read it to you, even though it's embarrassing", he told her in a deep voice and took her left hand with his right. "Dear Tarja ... This is only for you. My girl", he started and Tarja felt the goosebumps erupt on her whole body.  
"My man", she whispered and Tuomas smiled.  
"Welcome home darling, did you miss me?", he started in the deepest tone of his voice. "Wish to dwell in dear love? Touch my milklike skin, feel the ocean, lick my deepest, hear the starry choir."  
Tarja's mouth hung open as she sensed what the song was about. Did he really crave for her like this?  
"Rip off this lace that keeps me imprisoned", he went on, his eyes growing dark with lust. "But beware of the enchantment for my eroticism is oblivion." He swallowed and looked at her. "It's from your point of view", he whispered.  
"Is there more?", Tarja asked lowly and Tuomas' cheeks went red.  
"Old love lies deep, you said", he whispered. "Deeper shall be the wound between your legs."  
"That's kinda creepy", Tarja mumbled. "So I come home and want you to fuck me?"  
"Yes", Tuomas said shyly. "It's embarrassing ..."  
"Not at all", Tarja said in a sultry voice and her hands crawled down to his hips and pulled him against her. The light swaying of her hips made him swallow.  
"Tari, stop ..."  
"No, why?", Tarja whispered. "Feel the ocean ... Lick my deepest ... It's clear what you want. I also want you like that. Listen, baby. My birthday is next week -"  
"How could I forget?", Tuomas said with a smile and pecked her lips.  
"Listen", Tarja said again and cupped his face. "This is my birthday wish. A beautiful first time."  
Tuomas immediately nodded. "I will do everything to give it to you."  
As Tarja giggled, he went red. "The - the present!", he stuttered.  
"But please make sure not to leave a wound between my legs", Tarja chuckled and Tuomas looked at her sadly.  
"You hate it."  
"The poem??", Tarja exclaimed. "I love it! Hear the starry choir, that's like the most perfect description of an orgasm."  
"Oh, right. You know", Tuomas said with a gentle smile.  
"Let me continue", Tarja hushed him. "Touch my milklike skin", she said. "Look at my skin, it's as pale as milk." Tuomas laughed and Tarja went on looking for that line on the paper. "Where ... Ah, here. Rip off this lace, that keeps me imprisoned. Okay, now I know what I'll wear next week while I receive my gift." She winked at him. "And then you will ... Uh, feel the ocean and lick my deepest. And you'll hear the starry choir."  
"When you say it, it's even more erotic", Tuomas growled lightly. "Now I won't be able to think of something else as of next week ... The evening of your birthday ..."  
"Me neither", Tarja whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Make sure to plan and evening I'll never forget."  
"I already told you so often", Tuomas said gently, "You'll never forget this night, darling. Never ever, my love."  
Their lips melted together and when they rode back later, the only thing that both of them had in mind was an imagination of how their first time would turn out to be. Would it still hurt, or was Tarja ready now? Would it be beautiful? Would it be special enough to never forget it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the 'poem' goes to my love Tuomas Holopainen for the wonderful song Nymphomaniac Fantasia


	20. Chapter 20

The next two days they were mainly cuddling. Tuomas took care of her needs, as she was whimping for chocolate, for example, he stood up and drove to a shop to buy chocolate without her asking him for it. In the night of Monday to Tuesday, Tarja had really bad cramps, so he stood up - again without her asking for it - to prepare a hot water bottle for her.  
And in the morning he held her close and asked her if it still hurt. When Tarja said yes, he suddenly started to massage her stomach.  
"Deeper", Tarja moaned and Tuomas did as she asked him to. "You know that I have that every month, right?"  
"I don't care massaging you", Tuomas whispered in her ear and took her shoulders. He softly pulled her close and rolled over, so that she was on him. He pecked her lips and laid her back on the bed again, but with her front side down.  
"What are you up to?", Tarja groaned into the pillow and giggled as she felt him sit down at the backside of her thighs and inserting his hands beneath her shirt.  
"Oh ...", she moaned as his hands started to knead her shoulders and back. She closed her eyes. "This is so ..."  
"Erotic?", Tuomas whispered close to her ear.  
As he bent down to her, she could feel something hard pressing against her thigh. "Yes", she sighed. His hands were so skilled ... And so was his mouth.  
Tarja smirked and repeated her (and his) words from two days ago. "You're so skilled."  
Tuomas smiled and sunk his hands a little at her sides. "Is this okay?", he mumbled while he massaged her waist and (more softer) the sides of her breasts.  
"More than okay", Tarja moaned. "Can you ... massage the lower part of my back? It - it hurts there ..."  
Tuomas did as she wanted him to and Tarja closed her eyes. "I love you", she sighed softly and Tuomas' heart started to beat, as always when she said it (even though she only had started to say it two days ago).  
"I love you too, Tari", Tuomas said gently and kissed her neck.  
Tarja smiled. "Rip off this lace ..."  
"Okay, that's it", Tuomas said with a laugh and stopped massaging her. "You destroyed that beautiful and erotic moment."  
"Why??", Tarja laughed as well. "I thought I'd make it even more erotic with the most erotic thing you've ever written."  
"No, you destroyed the moment", Tuomas chuckled. "My poems are a huge turn-off for me."  
"I thought they are about me?", Tarja asked with a fake shock. "How can they be a turn-off, then?"  
"Because I hate my poems", Tuomas admitted and Tarja turned around, hugging him.  
"I love them", she said and locked their eyes. "They are beautiful and I feel honoured that you wrote them about me."  
"Okay", Tuomas said, his cheeks slightly red. "But, to be honest - the last one was not the most erotic thing I've ever written."  
"There's another - more erotic poem??", Tarja asked and sat up.  
"Let's call it a text", Tuomas said, weighing his head. "And it's rather smutty than erotic."  
"I wanna read", Tarja demanded.  
"Ohh no", Tuomas laughed. "That text is something for a wedding anniversary. Let's say the tenth year, then you - eh, my wife already knows everything of me and won't be shocked when she sees it."  
There was a short time of silence, in which Tuomas wasn't able to breathe.  
'Damn it. Am I really so stupid to say "wedding anniversary", "you" and "my wife" in one single breath?! Damn it.'  
Tarja smiled. "You're sweet", she said.  
He was indeed. His face was deep red as she had caught him red-handed.  
Did he already think about marriage? That was cute but ... early.  
Tarja felt honoured, yet unsure about that. She was going to turn eighteen the next day, and their relationship only lasted for three weeks, now.  
"Tuo ...", she said softly and took his face between her hands. "Please tell me the truth ... For how long have you been in love with me? One year?"  
Tuomas slowly nodded, first, but then he sighed. "I've loved you since the day I first saw you."  
"That day in the church?", Tarja asked and Tuomas nodded. "You said it was about one year ago, but I can't remember singing that song you told me ...", she said.  
"Because I lied", Tuomas admitted. "It wasn't last year ... The first day I feel in love with your voice ... Well, I was thirteen, then. And when I fell in love with you I was fourteen. I'be been writing poems since that day, because you inspired me to. And a year ago, when we came into the same class in physics and history, I only noticed that I love you deeply and that you are the one for me. You didn't talk to me or look at me, but when I looked at you, my heart stood still. For a year I only admired you, hurt, because I thought you'd never notice me, yet return my feelings. I got depressed, because I knew I would want you forever." Tuomas stopped to take a breath, but Tarja quickly put her hand over his mouth.  
"Oh my god", she whispered. "You've been in love with me for five years? You loved me when we were playing in that jazz café? Why did you never talk to me??"  
"I couldn't breathe when you were around", Tuomas mumbled as she took her hand away.  
Tarja closed her eyes. Her heart was growing warm when she realised that those feelings were real love he felt for her, only for her. For her, Tarja, and no one else.  
"Tuo ... I still can't believe you feel for me the way you do ... In my opinion I'm not a good choice."  
"That's true, you're the best", Tuomas interrupted and Tarja smiled sadly.  
"And I love you too ... And I notice how you love me, I mean, you bought chocolate for me, you massaged me, you stood up at night to prepare a hot water bottle! But ... It's early. I can't promise you that you and I ... That this will last. I really want to go to Germany and if it doesn't work, well ..."  
Tarja didn't continue, but Tuomas knew.

"Then until tomorrow ..." Tuomas hugged Tarja and inhaled the scent of her hair one last time for this day.  
"See you tomorrow, Tuomi", Tarja said with a smile and hugged her boyfriend. "Those days with you were perfect ..."  
"I love you", Tuomas breathed carefully, afraid that she'd begin with another story of how their love wouldn't last.  
But Tarja answered, "I love you too, Tuomas", in a serious tone. "You are perfect, you know that?"  
"You are perf -", Tuomas started, but Tarja interrupted him.  
"You tell me often enough, but I never told you before. You are perfect as well, I mean, just look at your poems, your skill of playing the piano, your voice ..."  
"My voice?", Tuomas chuckled. "Your voice, Tarja!"  
"Maybe", Tarja said. "But have you heard yourself talking? I get goosebumps when you talk to me, especially when it drops and suddenly there's that soft growl, and when you say my name you suddenly sound so ... aroused."  
"Maybe because you arouse me?", Tuomas said with that growl that Tarja loved so much.  
"There it is", she moaned lightly and kissed his lips. "Don't go ..."  
"I have to go, I have to plan the birthday of the most wonderful and beautiful girl in this world", Tuomas said and Tarja pouted.  
"Who is that slut? I'll kill her."  
"You are", Tuomas said gently, but Tarja looked at him with a fake shocked face.  
"You think I'm a slut??"  
Tuomas' face went from soft to shocked, and Tarja bursted into laughter. Oh, how she loved to tease him!  
"You tease!", Tuomas said a little offended. "That's not fair."  
"That's how I play, baby", Tarja chuckled. "I'd say it's your own fault, you wanted to date me that bad."  
"And I wouldn't want to have it any other way", Tuomas said. "Because I honestly love you more with every thing I find out about you."  
"Soon you will have enough of me, as I said - disturbed personality." Tarja let out a throaty laugh.  
"Don't try to get rid of me", Tuomas said and pinched the girl's nose. "I will stay with you as long as you want me to."  
Tarja was quiet for a few seconds, but then she smiled evilly. "I can easily destroy that moment with another line of your erotic poem."  
"Okay, that was a broad hint", Tuomas said and Tarja laughed. "I'll call you."  
"Do that", Tarja said.  
They kissed again and when Tuomas drove away, Tarja's smile slowly faded. He loved her ... He maybe loved her too much.  
"Of course I reply his feelings", Tarja mumbled. "But maybe not as much as I should ..."  
She felt guilty, guilty that he would probably do anything for her, while she stood with both feet on the ground, never leaving out of sight what she needed to live.  
It was almost like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, first she needed a house, food and clothes.  
Then she needed safety, she just wanted to be safe in her house and not having to fear of bombs crashing down on her.  
Next thing, and there the needs turned, was her career. She needed a career to get happy, she knew that. She knew, if she wouldn't get successful with her voice, she also couldn't get happy.  
And THEN she needed love.  
Tarja hated herself for being like that, but if she had to choose between her career and love, she'd choose career without thinking about it twice.  
She knew that she'd rather get happy if she was alone but had reached a successful career, as if she was married and maybe had children and got loved, but had reached nothing else in life.  
While for Tuomas the hierarchy seemed to look like:  
1) Tarja  
2) Tarja  
3) Tarja  
And so on.  
Tarja sighed and entered the house. She had decided to drive to the city and buy new clothes. Maybe she would call Anja to ask if she wanted to join, maybe she would even call Suvi. Or she would just drive alone. Fact was, she needed new underwear. She had a boyfriend now, for heaven's sake, she needed to buy sexy underwear, she only had one lace thong and her mother had almost killed her when she had found out. But tomorrow she'd get eighteen, so what could she do against it? Same with her being intimate. Her mother couldn't forbid her sleeping with her boyfriend.  
"Is Tuomas already gone?", Marjatta asked as Tarja passed the living room.  
"Hm? Yes, he just drove."  
"Oh, pity. I wanted to ask him if he wants to move in here."  
"Oh, haha", Tarja said dryly and rolled her eyes. She knew that her mother wasn't all to fond of the fact that he had spent the last three days in her house (more or less, he mostly were in Tarja's room/bed).  
Marjatta chuckled. "I have to change my opinion, though. When he drove to buy chocolate for you only because you whined for it, he surprised me. But when he stood up to prepare a hot water bottle in the middle of the night he convinced me. He's the right one for you, Tarja."  
Tarja smiled. "I knew that, of course", she said, sounding very sophisticated. "Whatever, tomorrow I'll be gone as well."  
Marjatta closed the newspaper. "Don't you want to celebrate? Your grandparents are coming."  
"Oh ..." Tarja thought for a moment. "Do you think they want to meet Tuomas?"  
Tarja loved her grandparents and really wanted to see them the next day.  
"Of course, I think they'd be honoured."  
"Tuomas would be honoured too", Tarja said. "Okay, great. Then I'll be gone after the celebration is over. And I'm going shopping now, I need to look appropriate tomorrow."  
"Why, what are you going to do?", Marjatta asked, observing her daughter with an intense look.  
"I - uh -"  
'I'm going to lose my virginity.'  
"We'll go to a fancy restaurant."  
"Oh, which one?"  
'Damn it.'  
"I don't know yet."  
After another duel of intense staring between mother and daughter, the younger woman gave up. With a mumbled "Bye" she grabbed her jacket and left the house to buy underwear.


	21. Chapter 21

"Hello, lucky birthday girl", the dark haired boy said and wrapped his girlfriend in an embrace. The girl kissed his lips and he had to breathe the "Happy Birthday" into her mouth.  
Faster than he had wished, she pulled back.  
"Do you want to come in?", she asked. "But I warn you - my grandparents are here."  
Tarja had thought he would frown now, telling her he'd better go home - but his face lit up. "I love grandparents!", he said and Tarja bursted into laughter.  
God, he was too cute.  
"Okay, come in", she said and pulled him inside. While he took off his shoes, Tarja needed to slow down her heartbeat. For months already her grandmother asked her permanently, if she had a boyfriend. Now she could finally introduce one to them.  
She took his hand and they walked to the living room. Tuomas saw two nice looking elder people sitting on the couch.  
Tarja cleared her throat and her grandparents looked up, starting to smile when they saw the teenager's entwined hands.  
"Okay guys ... This is Tuo. Tuomas. My boyfriend." Tarja said quickly and nervously.  
"Tuomas Holopainen", Tuomas introduced himself and offered his hand to the elder people, who gladly accepted with a smile.  
"Nice to meet you, Tuomas", Tarja's grandfather said. "I'm Toni."  
"I'm Mariette", the old lady said. "Marjatta's mother."  
"I guessed so", Tuomas said and shook the lady's hand. "You look very alike."  
"When I was young I looked exactly like Tarja!", Mariette said and Toni nodded.  
"That's true."  
Tuomas chuckled as he noticed Tarja's unhappy look. He guessed she heard that too often.  
After a little smalltalk about Tuomas' family, his future plans, hobbies etc, Tarja grabbed her boyfriend's hand once more.  
"Enough of that", she said. "Tuomas and I have plans."  
"Wowowow, stop stop stop", a voice suddenly said and Tarja's mother entered the room. "May I know about these plans?"  
"Marjatta!", the older lady scolded her daughter. "She's eighteen now, you can't treat her like a child! She's old enough to do what she wants. You should learn to trust her."  
Tarja threw a thankful gaze at her grandmother, who smiled and winked at her. It was as if she knew about these 'plans'.  
"Still, Tarja told me yesterday that they would go to a restaurant. I'd like to know which one you meant", Marjatta said and Tarja gulped. She had lied, after all ...  
"Oh, Nissilä's", Tuomas answered and everyone's mouth went open. "What?"  
"Nissilä's?", Mariette asked stunned.  
"His family is rich", Marjatta answered dryly and Tuomas went pale.  
"No, he's not", Tarja quickly said, remembering that Pentti Holopainen had left with all the money, only leaving a big house and an island behind (and a horse). "He's not rich. Whether him nor his family."  
Marjatta didn't answer, but everyone in the room noticed the silent fight her and her daughter shared with their looks.  
"Well, have fun", Tarja's grandfather suddenly said and pulled the girl in a hug, away from the stare-fight. "Now I see that our present was appropriate."  
Tarja's cheeks went pink as she nodded. "Thanks again, gramps."  
"No need, darling", the old man chuckled.  
After saying their goodbyes, Tarja and Tuomas went upstairs to fetch the bag that Tarja had prepared.  
"May I be nosy and see what they gave you?", Tuomas asked and Tarja giggled.  
"They gave me a dress!", she said and lifted up a noble looking paper bag from her bed. "I've seen it a while ago and told my mother about it, but it was too expensive for us ..." She went quiet. She hated to talk about their lack of money.  
"So they bought it for you?", Tuomas asked and Tarja nodded thankfully.  
"I'll wear it tonight", she said with a wink.  
"You don't even know what I have planned!", Tuomas shouted and laughed.  
Tarja pouted and stuffed the paper bag in her bigger bag. "Let's go", she said a little angry and rushed out of the room.  
"Hey!", Tuomas called after her, still laughing, and ran out of the room as well.

She waited for him outside. "Leave me be, I'm angry", she said, as he hugged her.  
"Why, my love?", Tuomas asked gently and pulled her close, leaning his forehead against hers.  
"Because you keep tonight's plans as a secret from me", Tarja pouted and Tuomas smiled.  
"It's five now", he said. "First I'll bring you home, where a little birthday party waits for you. Please pretend to be surprised, even though Susanna will know that you aren't. But my mother will be happy."  
Tarja nodded, affected that Kirsti liked her so much.  
"After that party, around eight, we'll go to Nissilä's. And then I'll bring you home, both Susanna and my mother will be gone. And then ... I ..." His cheeks were red. "I have prepared something special for you ..."  
Tarja surprised him with a longing kiss. It lasted for almost a minute, before she pulled back and told him she loved him.  
As they drove away, Mariette turned away from the window and looked at her daughter with a smile. "He is very nice - and he seems shy", she said, remembering how Tarja had kissed him, not the other way round. "A nice, likeable, polite and handsome young man. Why don't you like him?"  
"I like him", Marjatta said. "I don't like the thought of my little girl being intimate with someone."  
"Oh, come on. Grow up", Mariette spat. "When did you have your first time? And for heaven's sake, think back of the guys you brought along! They were five years older than you and had tattoos all over their bodies. Tuomas is a great choice for Tarja. He won't do anything inappropriate with her, like get her pregnant."  
"Think of what you told us about him", Marjatta's father threw in. "He saved the girl from her bullies, right? Plus, he found her in a locked room and carried her outside."  
Marjatta sighed. "You're right ... I'm only afraid. She is so innocent ..."  
I wouldn't say that, Mariette thought with a smile. She had seen the mischievous glance in Tarja's eyes as she had introduced him to her grandparents.

Tuomas and Tarja were holding hands as they entered the living room.  
A big banner that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY hung from the ceiling, Susanna and Kirsti standing beneath it. Kirsti held a cake in her hands and as they entered, they started to sing.  
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Tarja, happy birthday to you!"  
Tarja didn't have to pretend as if she was surprised - she really was. She hadn't expected a cake and a banner.  
"Oh my god", she whispered. "Thank you so much!"  
Kirsti handed the cake to her son and pulled the girl in a tight embrace. "Happy birthday, sweetie", she said and Tarja felt a warmth around her heart.  
As Kirtsi pulled away, both women had tears in their eyes.  
"I'm so happy that you entered our life", Kirsti said, holding Tarja's hands.  
Tarja was affected by the older woman's love. "Thank you for accepting me in your life", she said and Kirsti embraced her again.  
"What are you thinking?", Susanna asked her brother.  
"Can't you see my thoughts around me?", Tuomas joked and Susanna glared at him. "No, I'm thinking about ... How happy I am that mother likes Tarja so much. I wish her mother liked me like that."  
"She will, once she sees what a great guy you are", Susanna said gently and Tuomas smiled at his sister.  
"Thank you."  
After Kirsti and Tarja were done hugging, Susanna pulled Tarja in a short and reserved hug.  
"Happy birthday, Tarja Soile Susanna", she said. "I hope you won't be mad at me if I won't hug you for five minutes like my mother?"  
Tarja laughed and hugged Susanna back. "Not at all, Susanna Lena."  
"How do you -", Susanna started and then glared at a laughing Tuomas, who put the cake on the table.  
"Before you slap me, Su -", he started, "let me tell Tarja how much I love her."  
"She already knows", Susanna said dryly. "And I won't slap you, that'd be against my natural attitude. May I cut the cake? I'm hungry."  
"Tarja gets the first slice!", Tuomas shouted and grabbed his sister's shoulders, pulling her away from the cake.  
Tarja smiled as she watched her boyfriend and his sister bickering. A somehow jealous feeling pulled at her heart. She had never bickered with her siblings like that ...  
Timo had always been the overprotective brother, he had never touched her, fearing he could hurt her, while Toni had always hid himself, never said a word, always been to shy to start a fight.  
Timo had often been angry at her, but then he had gone to his room and beaten his boxing bag.  
Whenever Tarja had had a rage attack, she got scolded until she shut up. That's why she never grew close to her family.  
Right now she hated her family and wanted nothing more than belonging to this crazy family. It wasn't perfect, but which family was?  
"You look sad", Kirsti suddenly said and wrapped her arm around Tarja.  
The girl smiled. "Do I? I'm happy, to be honest. Very happy."

"Wow!", Tuomas breathed as Tarja came down, wearing the dress she had gotten from her grandparents.  
It was sleeveless and had a tight sweetheart cut out. It got held by a halter around her neck and it was tight around her waist as well, but from her hips on it flowed down, reaching until her knees, the satin fabric caressing her thighs.  
The dress itself was deep red and fitted perfectly, the colour, the size, the fabric.  
Her lips had the same shade of red as the dress and her eyelids were black. Her hair was straight and though it only hung down, it looked fabulous. It was framing her face and caressing her shoulders.  
"Ta-daa!", Susanna called as she stepped down behind Tarja. "Moi création!"  
"I doubt this was correct French, but you did a great job in styling her", Kirsti said and looked at her stunned son. "And you did a great job in choosing your girlfriend, Mister."  
Tuomas couldn't close his mouth. She was so beautiful, more beautiful than every woman he had ever seen.  
I can't believe she's mine. And tonight I will make her mine forever ... Oh god, I can't wait ...  
"Let's go?", Tarja said with a smile and Tuomas nodded.  
"Wait!", Susanna called and rushed upstairs again, coming back a few seconds after holding a pair of black shoes. "You can have them, ma chérie", she said and Tarja slipped inside them.  
"Okay, you can stop that, Susanna", Tuomas said, while Tarja was amazed of how well he shoes fitted.  
"Stop what?", Susanna asked.  
"Talking French!", Tuomas shouted.  
"Does it annoy you?", Susanna giggled and Tuomas pressed his lips together.  
"No", he said, knowing she wouldn't stop if he said yes.  
"Great!", Susanna said with a beam. "Means I can go on!"  
Tuomas groaned and grabbed his laughing girlfriend's hand.  
He pulled her outside without another word, out in the warm night.  
"I thought we'd walk", Tuomas said shyly. "First, I have no car and I can't take you there with the moped. And second, walking is good before and after eating ..."  
"Walking is great", Tarja said and kissd his cheeks, before she linked their arms and laid her head down on his shoulder. "I love you", she whispered and took his hand.  
Tuomas wrapped his arm around he and held her close. He gently kissed her forehead. "I love you too."  
They walked in silence, until they reached the restaurant.  
Nissilä's was a classy restaurant, only rich people ate here. The owner of it, Otto Nissilä, was one of the richest men in and around Kitee. Tarja had never been in that restaurant, so she was quite nervous.  
But as they entered and got greeted by a waiter with "Mr. Holopainen and Miss Turunen", her nervousness was almost gone. He led them to a table far away from everyone and everything, lit a candle and brought them a bottle of wine, along with the menus.  
Tuomas took her hand and smiled at her gently, while Tarja tried to calm her heart down.  
Never had she thought that she was liking those cliché like romantic things, but now she knew - as long as it was Tuomas who was all romantic with her, she loved them.


	22. Chapter 22

They walked back hand in hand. It wasn't dark but it was cold; at moments like this Tarja cursed the fact she lived in the north. She was proud to call herself a Scandinavian, but these were the shadow sides.  
"Are you cold?", Tuomas asked as his girlfriend shivered lightly.  
"I am", she said, "but I think you'll know how to make me hot again ..."  
The double meaning made Tuomas grin and he kissed her gently. "I hope so", he whispered.  
"I'm sure about that", Tarja whispered and kissed him back.  
They walked slower home than as they had done when they had walked to the restaurant. They almost needed an hour, due to the fact they always stopped to kiss and caress each other.  
Finally they arrived the big house and when they were inside, Tuomas locked the door. "Hello?", he called and smiled as no one answered.  
Without a word he pulled Tarja into his arms and locked their lips.  
Tarja gasped in surprise and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around the tall man. Their tongues danced and their lips caressed each other. Tuomas brought his gentle hands to her hips and went down, soon reaching the hem of her dress. Faster than Tarja could say something, his hand was between her thighs, gently caressing her most sensitive spot (he hadn't even found if she hadn't showed him last Saturday) with his thumb.  
"Tuo - wait", Tarja whispered, remembering the negligee.  
Tuomas put his hand away. "Sorry", he breathed, but Tarja smiled.  
"It's okay ... I also have a surprise for you."  
"Okay", Tuomas said with a gulp. "I also first need to prepare it - will only last a few minutes. Meanwhile you can do what you need to do - where do you need to go?"  
"The bathroom", Tarja said and Tuomas raised a brow. "You'll see", she whispered and cupped his face, pressing a kiss on his lips. Then she grabbed the bag that still stood around the living room and went upstairs, right into the bathroom. She changed into the white lace-negligee.  
White, she had thought with a smile as she had seen herself in the mirror in the cabin of the shop. White and innocent as a virgin. It's perfect.  
She had bought a white one and a red one.  
She turned around again, smiling happily and nervously. The negiglee had buttons in the front, directly between her breasts, which looked bigger and rounder than usual, the tight fabric pushed them up a lot. It almost looked like a dress, only the fabric around her breasts was tight and white, the rest, that hung down to the floor, was transparent and hugged her curves.  
Her belly was free and so were her legs, they were only covered by the transparent lace of the negligee.  
Tarja peeled off her panties and slipped into the white lace thong she had bought together with the negligee. Then she took a make up remover and wiped off the lipstick and the make up around her eyes. She washed her face and after applying a moisturizing lotion on her face, arms, shoulders and neck, she looked at herself.  
God, I look so innocent - like a real virgin.  
Tarja smiled lighlty and her heart jumped. It was time ...  
She combed through her hair one last time and looked outside the bathroom. "May I come?"  
Tuomas had just finished preparing everything, as she called him. He closed the door of his room and turned to her. "Come out", he said gently and Tarja pulled her head back inside the bathroom.  
And stepped outside.  
Tuomas' breath got caught in lungs when his eyes fell on the angel in front of him.  
For a few seconds he said nothing, he was sure he had died and gone to heaven. Then - "Goddess", he breathed and Tarja smiled at him.  
She had chosen white - how fitting.  
His eyes wandered up and down her body, taking in every curve. Her breasts looked so big, did the negligee push them up?  
And wow, her hips looked a lot broader in a thong than they did in her usual panties. But in a good way.  
"Like it?", she whispered.  
"Love ... it ...", Tuomas breathed, clutching his shirt. Tarja smiled as she saw how it was affecting him. "I - I can't believe you're mine ..."  
"Not completely", Tarja said and stepped closer. "Not yet."  
Tuomas' eyes still bathed in her curves, happy that she had gained the lost weight again. She looked so much more pretty with those curves. "You're so ... sexy", he whispered and Tarja laughed quietly. "And beautiful", he added. "You're an angel ..."  
"You can stop it", Tarja said and wrapped her arms around him. As she pressed her body against his, she could feel the hardness that had been growing in his pants.  
"Oh - that was fast", she said surprised and Tuomas laughed.  
"That's not me", he answered. "That would have been embarrassing. No, that's part one of my present for you." Tarja gave him a questioning look and Tuomas put his hand in the pocket of his trousers, pulling out a little box.  
"You don't intend of proposing now, or do you?", Tarja asked a little shocked and Tuomas frowned.  
"Oh damn", he said. "I thought you'd say yes."  
Tarja pushed him away, shocked, and Tuomas bursted into laughter. He opened the box and there was no ring inside, but a necklace.  
Tarja gasped as she pulled it out of the box. It was a golden necklace, nothing special, the only thing was the small, golden "T" that hung on it.  
"Tuomas?", she whispered and touched the T.  
"And Tarja", Tuomas answered. "That's why I love our names."  
Wordlessly Tarja turned around and let him put the necklace on her. As she turned to him again, the T laid down on her beautiful skin between her collarbones.  
"Happy birthday", Tuomas whispered and Tarja kissed him gently, but as she wanted to deepen it, Tuomas pulled back. "Part two of your present is waiting inside", he said and opened the door to his room.  
Tarja gasped as she saw what he had prepared for her - there was a heart made of lightened tea candles in front of his bed and on the bed and around the floor they were rose petals everywhere. The nightstand was also lightened with candles and as Tarja stepped closer slowly, she noticed that the petals on the bed wrote her name.  
Tuomas wrapped his arms around her from behind. "I hope you like it", he whispered and Tarja nodded.  
"It's quite cheesy ... but romantic", she whispered. "If you wanted to make me hot, you succeeded."  
"Good", Tuomas whispered and kissed her neck.  
Tarja turned around and their lips met. While they kissed gently, Tarja slowly opened his shirt, putting her hands on his chest. Meanwhile Tuomas had found the buttons of her negligee and soon the dress fell, leaving her only in her white thong and the golden necklace.  
He brought his hands up to caress her breasts, while Tarja peeled his shirt completely off of him.  
With a little help from him, his trousers followed as well and he put his hands in the back of her knees and lifted her up. He carefully went past the heart of candles and laid her down on the bed.  
"Now you destroyed that beautiful petal-Tarja that was on the bed", Tarja said a little depressed and Tuomas chuckled.  
"But now I have an even more beautiful real Tarja on my bed", he said gently and Tarja laughed. "For real now, Love - I put the petals on the bed for us to destroy them."  
Tarja smiled and pushed his hair back. "You look so sexy with longer hair", she mumbled and kissed him again. Once more she wrapped her arms and legs around him and tasted every corner of his mouth, while his hands explored her naked upper body, especially her breasts and waist.  
Soon he had enough and pulled her thong down, his face only inches apart from her private parts. He got dizzy when her aroused smell hit him and he licked his lips.  
"May I taste you?", he whispered and Tarja nodded.  
"You've already done it once - please do it again", she whispered and threw her head back when his tongue entered her. It slowly made love to her, but it didn't bring her even close to the peak. Next thing she realised, was that he had stopped and now was above her - and that she could taste herself in his mouth.  
"Tuo ...?", she mumbled, but he went on kissing her.  
"Are you ready?", he whispered and pulled a condom from his nightstand, slowly opening the package.  
Tarja only nodded, suddenly stiff with nervousness and fear. What if it would fail again? Foreplay was nice, but what was about love making itself?  
Tarja gulped as she saw how fast he had put the condom on, almost as if he had practised for it. Maybe he had?  
She parted her legs for him and Tuomas laid down above her, locking their eyes.  
He slowly came closer, his lower region connecting with hers. She closed her eyes as the pain shot through her body, a pain that was nothing like she had imagined love making to be.  
"Ah ...", she whispered with tears in her eyes.  
"Does it hurt?", Tuomas whispered and Tarja nodded. "You have to relax", Tuomas pleaded. "I can feel your tightness ..."  
"It's fine, you're inside of me, go on", Tarja whispered. "The pain will fade away."  
But Tuomas shook his head. "I'm not fully inside of you yet", he whispered. "There is a ... resistance. I can't go further, I'd hurt you."  
"That's my virginity", Tarja said. "Just ... push. Okay?"  
"But this will hurt you", Tuomas mumbled again. "You have to relax, first ..."  
Tarja tried to relax her clenched muscles and closed her eyes. "Push", she ordered and Tuomas did.  
Tarja screamed as her maidenhead tore.  
Even though Tuomas tried to be gentle, it still hurt and Tarja was clenching again.  
"Relax", Tuomas said over and over, but Tarja could only think of one thing.  
It's gone. My virginity is gone, I could feel it tearing apart. God, was I even ready??  
"You're still not relaxed", Tuomas mumbled.  
"No ... It's alright", Tarja whispered. "Just ... Go on. Take me. I will be relaxed soon."  
Doubting this, but not wanting to make her angry, Tuomas caressed her waist while he slowly thrusted against her. But then -  
"Are you crying??"  
"No - no", Tarja sobbed quietly. "It only ... It still hurts."  
"Let's stop this", Tuomas immediately said, but Tarja shook her head.  
"No!", she said loudly. "Try again! I only have to get used to it -"  
"You're crazy", Tuomas said and pulled himself completely out of her.  
Tarja sobbed even more now, but he pulled her in a hug.  
"It's not bad", he whispered. "You still weren't ready ... That's okay."  
"But when will I be ready?", Tarja sobbed and Tuomas held her close.  
"It doesn't matter", he said gently. "You know that I love you and I will wait for you as long as you want me to wait. I'm happy to be the one who's allowed to take your virginity."  
"You already did", Tarja mumbled. "How - how did it feel for you?"  
"Like a thin wall I had to break", Tuomas mumbled. "It must've hurt a lot for you ..."  
"Yes, I - I think I'm bleeding", Tarja whispered and reached down and between her legs. "Oh damn", she whispered and peeled herself out of his hug.  
"Are you bleeding?", Tuomas asked and as she nodded, he lifted her up, carrying her to the bathroom.  
Tarja buried her face in his chest. "I'm sorry ..."  
"For what?", Tuomas asked and put her down in front of the toilet. She sat down and looked up to him.  
"For being that complicated as I am ..."  
"Are you kidding?", he asked gently. "If you weren't, we would have had our first time three weeks ago. Now that we still didn't sleep together, I still have something to look forward to."  
Tarja smiled back. "I guess it has to happen spontaneously", she said and Tuomas nodded.  
"From now on we won't talk about it or plan it anymore."  
"Deal", Tarja said and Tuomas kissed her forehead.  
"I'm in my room ... Come back when you're done."  
Tarja smiled weakly and as he was gone her smile faded.  
It still hurt madly. And she could feel the blood slowly dripping out of her.  
Tarja suppresses another sob.  
Will I ever be ready??


	23. Chapter 23

The next day Tarja left as fast as she could. She told Tuomas she had to get home quickly, because she and her family would visit her uncle and aunt to celebrate her birthday, and as Tuomas had offered to drive her, she had declined. He felt a little guilty as he noticed that she was quite embarrassed about the incident of yesterday.  
"I'll just drop you off", Tuomas mumbled again, but Tarja shook her head once more.  
"Thanks but I'll drive with the bus", she said gently and kissed his cheek. Tuomas took her hands.  
"Tarja", he said, lowering his voice so his mother, who was standing in the kitchen couldn't hear him, "I told you already, you don't have to be embarrassed ... It's better to wait -"  
"I know", Tarja interrupted him. She knew how lucky she could call herself for having a boyfriend like him. "Thank you for being so ... Patient."  
Tuomas squeezed her hands. "How couldn't I?", he said gently and laid his forehead against hers. "You know for how long I've been in love with you ..."  
Tarja smiled and nodded, shortly before his lips met hers in an almost shy and slowly, gentle kiss. After a sweet time they pulled back, locking their eyes. "I love you", Tuomas whispered. "And I will wait for you as long as you want me to."  
Tarja gently pecked his lips. He was the perfect boyfriend. Of course she knew that she wanted to share her first time with him, only him, but it was incredible that he, also still a virgin, would wait until she was ready.  
"I love you too", she whispered and then pulled away from his embrace. "I need to go."  
Tuomas held her hand as long as possible, letting it completely go as she left through the door, leaving behind a strange emptiness in him.  
They had spent every day together for a week now, had done everything together ... He had made her cum last Saturday, with his fingers and tongue. What was happening? Why wasn't she ready? Why did she leave now?  
Maybe she doesn't love you as much as you love her, a mean little voice in the back of his head whispered, but he ignored it.  
As he crossed the living room, his mother called him and he went to the kitchen. "What?"  
"Can you help me?", Kirsti asked and after a short instruction, Tuomas was stirring flour and sugar and eggs in a bowl.  
"You really bought Tarja the necklace?", Kirsti suddenly started and Tuomas bit his lip. If she wanted to scold him now ...  
"I know we don't have much money", he mumbled.  
"That's not what I wanted to say", Kirsti said with a smile. "The necklace is beautiful. So romantic. I'm very proud of you."  
Tuomas smiled weakly. "Thank you ... Mum? Can I ... Can you help me with something?"  
And as Kirsti nodded, Tuomas told his mother about last night (he left away their first failed try, telling her that this had been their first try).  
"And in the night she cried", Tuomas mumbled. "I don't want to force her, but I think she is ashamed for not being ready ..."  
Even if it felt strange to talk about this to his mother, it felt good to talk about it to someone. And Kirsti was his mother, she was here to help him, or wasn't she?  
"Okay, first", she said and pulled her son in a hug. "You're such a good boy. I'm so proud of you."  
"Oh, okay", Tuomas laughed, hugging his mother back.  
"Sweetie, Tarja will be ready ... But now you have to give her the feeling that she has no reason to be ashamed. I know exactly how she feels, some girls are just unconscious with their bodies and can't concentrate on something else, because they're naked and being looked at -"  
"But Tarja is so gorgeous", Tuomas mumbled, blushing lightly. Her pale, milklike skin, her perfect curves ...  
"But she doesn't know", Kirsti said. "She's still very young, maybe she doesn't feel so well in her body and that's why she can't relax. Give her the feeling that she's loved. Don't tell her, show her. I know that you can do this, you pay attention and this way you're able of guessing what others feel. Just act as you usually do, give her a little more attention maybe ... And soon she will be ready."  
Tuomas nodded with a thankful smile.  
"I don't want her to feel ashamed. She is so beautiful and amazing -"  
"Find a way of showing her", Kirsti said. "And now stir the dough already or you won't get pancakes!"

"I'm back", Tarja called as she entered the house.  
"Hey!", Marjatta said happily. "How was it?"  
"Amazing", Tarja said with a forced smile. "Look", she said and put the collar of her shirt down, revealing the golden T.  
"Wow!", Marjatta said. "That must've been expensive!"  
Tarja let go of her collar and and the T vanished beneath her shirt. "Anyway, the food was also good", she said. "When will we drive?"  
"You still have a little time, an hour maybe, but -", Marjatta started, but Tarja didn't let her finish.  
"Great. I'm taking a shower", Tarja mumbled and went upstairs, ignoring her mothers sighs.  
"Why are you never listening to me?", she sighed.  
Because I'm tired of it, Tarja thought, tears welling up in her eyes. I'm sick of you and the others, sick of this family ... Why can't I just elope? With Tuo maybe ... I'm sure he will join.  
In the shower she carefully washed her private area, which was still throbbing and aching. "Ah ...", she mumbled and slowly inserted a finger into herself, giving up soon, though. It hurt too much, so she pulled the finger out again.  
I'm too tight, she thought. I need to get relaxed ... Tuomas is wonderful, why am I afraid? He would never sleep with me without a condom, isn't he perfect?

Half an hour away from her, Tuomas was lying on the couch, not knowing what he should do with life. Tarja was busy today, and he already missed her madly.  
"Go and meet Emppu", Kirsti said. "Or Anja. Anyone of your friends!"  
But Tuomas shook his head. "I think they're angry at me because I'm doing everything with Tarja, now."  
Kirsti sighed. "What about Jukka? Didn't you tell me he has a girlfriend now? Ask them to do something with you!"  
"That only works with Tarja", Tuomas mumbled. "A double date, you know."  
Kirsti groaned. "Then read a book! Play piano! Anything!"  
Tuomas didn't answer, he continued staring holes into the air.  
"Write a poem!", Kirsti said and Tuomas sat up.  
"I'll write a poem for her!"  
Kirsti smiled weakly. She enjoyed the fact that Tuomas was in love, but sometimes it seemed as if he was obsessed with her. She knew he was a romantic man and she was very proud that he wasn't one of those who were together with a three years younger girl and impregnated her after the first time, but sometimes she didn't wonder about why he had had a hard time in school. He was too much of a good man.  
"If she likes that", Kirsti said and Tuomas nodded. He remembered the last poem he had showed her, the perverted one.  
Drink from my thighs the rain of lies ...  
She had been shocked first, but then she had liked it.  
No, this time he would write a love poem again.

The next day Tarja received a call. She was still tired, because they had stayed at their relative's house for quite a while, so she lifted up a little grumpy.  
"Turunen?", she huffed.  
"Eh - good morning, Mrs. Turunen. M - Marjatta. It's me, Tuomas. Is - is Tarja available?"  
Now Tarja had to laugh loudly. "It's me, Tuo."  
Tuomas was quiet for a few seconds, then he laughed as well. "I don't want to be mean, but you sound like your mother."  
"When I'm grumpy, right?", Tarja chuckled and Tuomas laughed as well.  
"How was your day?"  
"Exhausting", Tarja groaned and then smiled. "Everyone complimented my necklace, though everyone believed that the T means Tarja ... Until Toni told the others that the T actually means Tuomas. And then I felt as if I was a murderer and got questioned by the police. It was so exhausting. And now my cousin is jealous, because I have a boyfriend before her. She is so childish!" Tarja rolled her eyes. "We stayed almost until one ... And yeah. My mother drank a little too much, I was almost afraid of her", she added quietly and Tuomas bit his lip.  
It was as it had been with his father ...  
"Do you want to meet?", he asked. "I miss you ..."  
"I'd love to", Tarja said with a smile. "Where? Your island again, maybe? Or at Mansikka's stable?"  
"Yes, let's meet at Mansikka's stable at three. Okay?"  
"That's great", Tarja said. "Love you."  
"Love you too", Tuomas breathed.  
Mission 'make her feel adored and loved' could start.

Tarja was already waiting when he arrived. She was talking to the tall, black horse and stroking it gently.  
Tuomas smiled when he slowly approached the girl, her voice getting louder and louder as closer as he came.  
"My beauty", Tarja whispered. "Don't tell Tuo, but I'd like to take you and ride away with you."  
Tuomas grinned as he saw how Tarja pretended to listen to Mansikka, as if she said something.  
"If course I love him", Tarja explained to the horse then. "And I'd elope with him as well, but I'd also just run away with you, if I could."  
Tuomas slung his arms around his girlfriend, which made her screech. He pressed a kiss on the back of her ear, whispering, "So you cheat on me with my horse?"  
Tarja turned around and locked their lips in a heatened kiss. They stopped after minutes, both panting.  
"Never", Tarja breathed and pecked her boyfriend's lips.  
"Where do you want to ride?", Tuomas asked and caressed Tarja's waist.  
"I don't know, maybe a little along the shore ...", Tarja started but Tuomas shook his head.  
"I meant where to you want to elope", he then said with a broad grin.  
"Ass", Tarja chuckled.  
Soon both of them were sitting on Mansikka's back and riding along the shore, as Tarja had wished to.  
They were quieter as usual, due to what had happened two nights ago. Tarja could think of nothing else than her fear while she held on her boyfriend. Her fear and the fact that he was the most patient man in this world. Not everyone would wait like this. Only for her.  
Tarja leaned her head against his back, listening to his heartbeat.  
They were riding wordlessly until Tuomas stopped at a little pier. After he had jumped off of the horse, he helped Tarja to get down as well.  
"Welcome to another favourite place of mine", he said gently.  
"What an honour for me to see it", Tarja said sarcastically and Tuomas took her hand.  
"Why? Everything for my favourite girl", he said casually.  
This made Tarja smile.  
Holding hands they sat down at the pier, their feet hanging down.  
Tarja leaned her head against Tuomas' upper arm, her eyes closed. It was a warm day, the sun was shining down on them.  
After a few more minutes of silence, Tuomas pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I wrote another poem for you", he said gently and Tarja looked up to him.  
"Why are you so perfect?", she asked as she took it.  
"I am not, but you are", Tuomas said with a light smile.  
Tarja unfolded the paper and started to read.  
Another Beauty loved by a Beast,  
another tale of infinite dreams.  
Your eyes they were my paradise,  
your smile made my sun rise  
Tarja smiled. "You love writing about the beauty and the beast, huh?"  
"I do", Tuomas said with a raw voice. "Makes me think of you and me ..."  
Tarja smiled as she read the last line of the short poem.  
Tarja. Without you, the poetry within me is dead.  
"That is so ...", Tarja whispered and slung her arms around the man. "Thank you", she whispered. "I love you so much."  
Tuomas closed his eyes, hugging the young woman with a smile. He loved her so much it sometimes hurt, but how could he tell her?  
"I love you too", he whispered and kissed her forehead. "So very much ..."


	24. Chapter 24

They kissed goodbye in front of Tarja's house.  
Once again Tuomas wished to make them one. If he could unite their bodies, they would be together forever. If he could do this, he could live life with her and never have to worry about what others thought and said. And he could spend every day with her and close to her ...  
"Tuo ... You have to go now. The neighbours are already looking", Tarja mumbled after her boyfriend had started grazing his fingers over her hips.  
"Shall they look", Tuomas mumbled and kissed Tarja's neck. "They'll think I can't get enough of you ... And they're right."  
Tarja giggled as he licked her neck gently but then she pushed him away. "If you fuck me here in front of the house, someone might call the police."  
"I already told you, Tarja. It's no fucking I do, it's love making."  
"I know and I love you even more for this", Tarja said gently and kissed his cheek.  
Tuomas smiled and suddenly she felt that he put something in the pocket of her jeans. "What -?"  
"Open it later", Tuomas said.  
"Open what?", Tarja asked helplessly. She could feel something in her pocket, but not what it was.  
"You'll see, Love", Tuomas said and kissed her one last time. "You look amazing, by the way", he whispered. "You always do, but the necklace makes you even more beautiful."  
"How can a necklace make me more beautiful?", Tarja chuckled and Tuomas took her hands.  
"Because it makes you belong to me. Makes everyone show you that you're mine. And there is nothing in this world I could crave more."  
"Oh, baby", Tarja mumbled and embraced her boyfriend. Once again her heart clenched and she hated herself for not feeling the same.  
Sure, she loved him, she enjoyed the times with him, she would probably cry for months if they broke up. He was just perfect - but she couldn't crave for him the way he craved for her.  
She missed him when he was gone, but he seemed to be helpless without her. As if she was air, and who could live without air?  
"I love you", Tarja mumbled and closed her eyes, sighing in pain when he whispered back, "Please never leave me."  
I can't promise this to you, Tarja thought but she didn't answer. She wished she could promise him, but how could she know what her life was looking like in ten years? Maybe they would be married, maybe they wouldn't be.  
So she remained quiet, only hugging him tightly.  
Tuomas closed his eyes at the feeling of her body pressed against his so desperately, trying to ignore the fact she hadn't answered him.  
"You have to go now", Tarja mumbled and kissed Tuomas' lips. "I'll miss you."  
"I already miss you", Tuomas whispered and kissed her forehead.  
After anew love declarations, Tarja finally succeeded to make him leave.  
Every time the same, she thought thoughts with a sigh as she closed the door. Every time he needs ten minutes to leave ...  
Tarja wanted to go right to her room, but halfway on the way to the stairway, her mother jumped into her way.  
"Hello, Tarja", she said, sounding deeply annoyed.  
"What did I do this time?", Tarja spat and crossed her arms.  
"For example, you didn't even say hello", her mother replied. "Dinner is ready."  
"I'm not hungry", Tarja muttered. "Tuomas brought sandwiches along."  
Marjatta pressed her lips together and suddenly she stepped aside and grabbed something that was lying on the table on which the telephone was standing.  
"This came for you today", she said and Tarja gasped lightly as she saw the address.  
To Miss Tarja Turunen, it was saying. And after her address, Finland.  
Tarja got pale as she turned it around to check the addresser of the letter.  
Her heart jumped at the sight of Hochschule für Musik, Karlsruhe ...  
"Where is that?", Marjatta asked. "Is that the one in Germany?"  
Tarja nodded, her hands shaking as she carefully opened the letter.  
"What does that mean?"  
"Well, my German skills are not so good yet", Tarja said sarcastically, "but I think it means 'University of music'. Apparently it's in Karlsruhe, though I have no idea if I pronounce that right -"  
"Woah, wait", Marjatta interrupted. "What about the Sibelius?"  
"Mother, please", Tarja laughed dryly. "The chance that they're going to accept me there is so small - do you think they would accept me? Look at all those important personalities who come from there ..."  
"Well, why don't you send a video of you singing to them? I'm sure they'll like your voice and accept you. And one day you'll be a famous singer."  
Tarja only mumbled something her mother couldn't understand (how could she have so much optimism? The Sibelius Academy was so much out of her reach, of that she was sure). Finally she pulled out the letter and opened it.  
Dear Miss Turunen ...  
"Read out loud!", Marjatta ordered and Tarja started reading with a shaking voice.  
"Dear Miss Turunen,  
We feel honoured that you want to study at our university and wanted to thank you that you sent a video along with the application. You have a great voice and we're going to look forward to work with it."  
"Does that mean they accepted you?", Marjatta shouted at her shaking daughter.  
"Y - yes", Tarja stumbled and while tears of happiness streamed down her cheek, she read on.  
"Please tell us until September first if you will start this term or next one.  
First term will start on September tenth, the second term on December seventh. Have a nice time until then.  
Greetings -"  
Tarja stopped reading and leaned against the wall. "They accepted me!", she shouted.  
"See?", Marjatta asked a little annoyed. "I'm sure the Sibelius will accept you as well."  
Tarja groaned. "Okay. I'm going to send a video there right now. If they won't accept me, I'll go to Germany."  
"Perfect!", Marjatta said. "And if they accept you, you'll go to Helsinki."

Later Tarja sat in her room on her bed. She had read the letter over and over and she couldn't stop being happy. Not even the thought of that she had to leave Tuomas could drown her happiness.  
It'll be only for a year or something she thought.  
But still, the fact she didn't even feel bad that she had to leave Tuomas, gave her remorse.  
She had looked for a video to send to the Sibelius right after she had entered her room, and decided to choose the Phantom and the opera video, where she both sang Christine's and Erik's parts. They should see that she was able to sing everything ...  
Even though she still had no great hope that they accepted her.  
But also this couldn't make her sad, she had already gotten accepted at a very good university!  
Tarja jumped around her room, as suddenly she remembered, that Tuomas had stuffed something into her pocket ...!  
Quickly Tarja reached into it and pulled out another piece of paper.  
"So many letters today", Tarja mumbled and her heart jumped as her gaze fell on Tuomas' beautiful handwriting.  
Had he written a new poem to her?  
Her heart stopped as she started reading.  
'Tarja ...   
My love. My life. My world.  
My light. My saviour.  
I need to write this to you, the words I say aren't strong enough for this.  
Tarja, Rakkaani. Elämäni. Maailmani ...  
You saved everyday of that hell called school. I only looked at you and my world was healed.  
But Tarja ... That's not it.  
You saved my life.'  
"What?", Tarja mumbled.  
'I've already tried to kill myself ... More often that I want to admit.  
Tarja gasped and sat down.  
I got bullied ... Pretty bad. Everyone thought I was gay, no idea if you ever noticed something of that ... I got death threats and my bullies waited for me after school. They hit me and one day they almost killed me.  
And then, at home, I got slapped by my father.  
So I started trying to end this hell.  
I almost succeeded one time ... I was in coma for a week, the doctors had already given up their hope ...  
But, Tarja - every time I tried anew, I only thought of you. And I couldn't go on harming myself.  
I love you so much, Tarja. I think you can't even imagine how much I love you ...  
You are my life. If you haven't been, I would have killed myself already.  
I can't imagine a life without you ...  
I know you can't talk about this yet, but you're the one and only for me. I want to marry you one day ... But if you don't want to, I won't force you (you know me). I know that you're my one because I love you for such a long time now. I told you ...  
I can't tell you this face to face, gosh, I'm such a coward ... I'm always like this, why do you even love me?  
I don't deserve you but ... But I'm so thankful that you're mine. You're my soulmate ...   
You saved my life. Thank you. I can't thank you enough for this ...'  
Tarja broke together, not able to read on. He had tried to commit suicide??  
Several times??  
Tarja sobbed madly and after a few minutes her mother came in. "Are you ... crying?" Her look fell on the letter.  
"Is that -?"  
"I - it's fr - from Tuo", Tarja sobbed and her mother went pale.  
"What's up, did he break up?", Marjatta whispered and within a second she was next to her daughter and hugged her tightly.  
But Tarja shook her head. "R - read", she sobbed and her mother started reading, her eyes growing wider and wider.  
"Oh, sweetie", she finally mumbled and embraced her daughter. "I didn't know ..."  
"I - I also didn't", Tarja whispered and took the letter from her mother's hands, about to continue reading.  
'I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. As I said, I'm a coward.  
Tarja, you should know one thing ...  
I hate myself.  
I hate my character, my looks, the way I am. Do you think I'm happy about that I rather write poems than playing soccer?? Don't you think I'd rather be a real man? But no, I'm weak. I cry all the time. I read books, write poems, ...  
I hate it. This made my bullies bully me.  
Don't be afraid, I won't try to kill myself again, now that I have you. I would never do this to you, I can't hurt you. But I think that you should know about this ... About that my self-confidence is somewhere in the basement ... And that I want to be someone else.  
You only deserve the truth ...  
Thanks for being as you are, Tarja. I love you so much, a million letters wouldn't fill what I feel for you. Thank you ... So much.  
Tuomas.'

The tears were falling on the bed like waterfalls. Her mother lied next to her, caressing her head and humming a melody, a song that Marjatta had used to sing when Tarja was a baby.  
After some time, her tears were dried but her eyes were swollen and red and her head was hurting.  
"I'll be back soon", she mumbled and got up.  
"Where are you going to?", Marjatta asked and Tarja threw a look at her, that was almost screaming 'Well, what do you think?'  
"I'm going to drive you", Marjatta suddenly offered and Tarja beamed at her mother.  
So it came that Marjatta drove her daughter to her boyfriend's house.  
"Thank you", Tarja mumbled. "I don't know when I'm going to come home ... Don't wait for me."  
Marjatta nodded and as soon as he daughter had left the car, she drove away.  
Meanwhile Tarja rang the doorbell and Kirsti opened. "Tarja!", she said surprised. "Didn't Tuomas and you already meet today?"  
Tarja nodded. "Can I come in? It's urgent."  
"Sure, honey", Kirsti said and stepped aside. "Did you cry?"  
"Is that so obvious?", Tarja whispered and rushed past her and right upstairs to Tuomas' room.  
She didn't knock, she entered without asking.  
Tuomas had been reading a book and now stared at her in complete shock.  
Her appearance was strange, she looked stressed and as if she just came back from the death. He eyes were puffy and red she was almost glaring at him.  
"Tarja?", Tuomas whispered, but the next thing he noticed was, that Tarja threw herself on him, holding his left arm.  
She turned it around and opened the leather bracelets he always wore - and revealed countless thin, almost ivisible scars.  
"How could you?", she whispered, but then she wrapped her arms around him. "You stupid, stupid boy", she sobbed. "Don't - don't do this to me. I love you so much. I'll never l - leave you. I promise."  
Tuomas hugged her back, tears running down his cheek.


	25. Chapter 25

Days later ...

"Morning", Tarja yawned as she came down.  
The blonde woman first looked at her a little shocked, but then she laughed. "Funny how you say goodbye to me everyday and in the morning I see that you slept here."  
Tarja's cheeks got red. "I'm sorry."  
"Why sorry? You can't be a single night apart from each other, that's really cute."  
Tarja smiled and sat down while Kirsti poured her some coffee.  
"Black", she informed the girl and Tarja nodded thankfully as her boyfriend's mother shoved the mug in her direction.  
"I wanted to ask you something anyway", she suddenly said and Tarja smiled at her.   
"Yes?"  
"It's almost September, so I'm slowly starting to worry about Tuomas' education ... He hasn't gotten accepted to any of the colleges he wants to go."  
"Oh", Tarja said quietly. "You know, we don't really talk about this ..."  
"I thought so", Kirsti said with a sigh. "Where do you want to go?"  
"Well, to the Sibelius", Tarja said hesitating and Kirsti nodded approvingly. "But I ... I got already accepted to another college."  
"Oh, really?", Kirsti asked. "You already got accepted?"  
Tarja nodded. "If the Sibelius doesn't accept me, I'll go there."  
"Do I know it?"  
"I don't know", Tarja said and them she mumbled the name of the college.  
"In Germany?", Kirsti asked and Tarja noticed that she didn't like the thought. "That's great, Tarja!"  
"Yes, for me", Tarja said quietly and looked up, as if she could look through the ceiling into Tuomas' room.  
"Oh, sweetheart", Kirsti said. "Do what your heart tells you to do and don't care about him for once. He'll do it, of that I'm sure."  
"He told me he only survived school because of me", Tarja sighed. "Because he could look at me whenever he wanted to -"  
"Yes, but now you two are together. Believe me, that's even better than only looking at you."  
Tarja laughed. "You're right."  
"If you go there, you can still call each other and still see each other on weekends - I'm only curious if he gets accepted anywhere."  
"Why are you doubting that?", Tarja asked. "His grades are perfect! Look at mine, I only have a good grade in Music, Sports and Religion! And I got accepted!"  
"Yes, because you sent a tape there and showed them what you can", Kirsti said. "But Tuomas ... He can't send one of his poems to a university. That's not special."  
"It is special!", Tarja disagreed. "Have you ever seen one of the poems he wrote to me?"  
"No", Kirsti chuckled. "I know he writes for you, but don't think he would ever show them to me. He's too scared that I find out what's up in his mind."  
"Oh", Tarja said with a laugh, remembering the latest poem she had received.  
Touch my milkline skin ... feel the oceal ... lick my deepest ...  
Tarja grinned a little embarrassed, her cheeks getting slightly red. Now it's really time to let him make me his, she thought, taking a sip of her coffee. But what can I do to feel ready? I have to ask someone ...

"Tervaniemi?"  
"Anja?", Tarja breathed into the telephone. "Tarja here."  
"Tarja who?", Anja asked icily and Tarja squinted her eyes.  
"Turunen?", she tried. "You know, the one who's together with Tuomas ..."  
"Which Tuomas?", Anja asked.  
"Holopainen!", Tarja called and Anja laughed. "I was kidding, oh my god, just don't piss yourself."  
Tarja sat down on the chair next to the telephone. "Sorry for never calling you ..."  
"No biggie, I also never did", Anja answered. "I knew that you and Tuo are in your own world somehow and I didn't want to intrude you two lovebirds."  
"Yes, we somehow are ...", Tarja smiled lightly. "Thanks."  
"Even though Emppu is a little pissed at Tuo ..."  
"Oh", Tarja said and bit her lower lip. "Tuo should call him."  
"He should", Anja said. "And what about Tuo and you? Everything alright on cloud nine?"  
"Well, yeah", Tarja said a little hesitating. "Sometimes yes, sometimes no."  
"Why, sweetheart? What happened? Tell me", Anja asked softly and Tarja smiled. Good to have a friend like her.  
"Well, Tuomas and I ...", Tarja started and suddenly she heard that her parent's voices were gone. They had been talking in the living room, but now they were quiet, obviously listening to what her daughter wanted to say. "Can we meet, Anja? I have two annoying eavesdroppers."  
"We're not listening!", Teuvo called and Anja chuckled.  
"Even I heard that", she said. "Okay, I have time today. Milo is in Moscow."  
"He is?", Tarja said surprised. "Wow, cool. Okay, let's meet in the city?"  
"Fine, let's go shopping. What about four?", Anja asked and Tarja agreed happily. Maybe Anja could help her with looking for new clothes that Tuomas would like.

"So ... This", Anja pulled up a tight, black, sleeveless shirt that was fabric in the front and only transparent lace in the back. "And this", she said and threw some dark red, short leather pants at Tarja. "Try that."  
"Anja ...", Tarja mumbled. "I'm not as sexy as you are, I can't wear this."  
"What?", Anja asked startled and Tarja showed her her arms.  
"See? I'm fat. And my thighs are even worse."  
"You have some serious issues", Anja let Tarja know. "You're not fat, you're curvy. And curvy women are sexy. Look at me, darling. I'm as thin as a beanpole. I have no hips!"  
But boobs like operated, Tarja thought a little jealous and looked down at Anja. Okay, she had no broad hips but she was still sexy.  
"I want to lose weight", Tarja mumbled.  
"You", Anja spat, "stay as you are. Remember what you looked like weeks ago?"  
Tarja pressed her lips together. She still didn't think that she had been thin back then ...  
"By the way, did you know that voices of chubby singers sound better and fuller?", Anja added, hoping that she would help her that way, but Tarja only heard chubby.  
"You think I'm chubby?", she asked unhappily and Anja groaned.  
"You know what?", she asked. "I'm going to work on your appearance a little. And right after that you'll walk to Tuomas - if he jumps at without hesitation, we'll never talk about you being chubby or not sexy again, 'cause you surely are. Alright?"  
"Alright", Tarja sighed and not even a second after that, Anja was in her element. She looked for something suitable in such a fast tempo, Tarja almost didn't see what she took on her arm. Soon Anja was back and turned Tarja around, wrapping something around her eyes so she was blindfolded.  
"What -", Tarja started, but Anja told her to be quiet.  
"You aren't allowed to see it yet", she said and pulled the younger girl into a locker, where the blonde woman started undressing the girl.  
"That's erotic, huh?", she chuckled.  
"Uh ...", Tarja said, her cheeks getting red.  
"Just imagine I'm Tuomas", Anja said with a laugh.  
"I better don't", Tarja giggled, her face now deep red.  
"I was kidding, by the way", Anja said, while she pulled down Tarja's jeans. "About that this is erotic."  
"I know", Tarja answered. "Slowly I'm getting used to your kind of humour."  
Anja smiled and then she guided the younger girl into the first dress she had grabbed. "You know", Anja said. "Milo and I ... We're already talking about getting married."  
"What?", Tarja gasped and Anja giggled.  
"Not too soon", she calmed the other girl down. "But yes ... We want to marry."  
Tarja smiled. "Wow - congratulations", she said, not telling her that Tuomas also talked about marriage already.  
"As you know, we've been already living together for a few months", Anja said. "And if our relationship is still stable in a year or so, we'll marry."  
"That's great", Tarja said and felt how Anja peeled the clothes off her again. "I'm really excited here!", she said and grabbed for the material, but Anja pulled away.  
"Don't you dare to peek!", she chuckled and then she lifted her leg up to help her into the next clothes.  
"So ... You said sometimes Tuomas and you have a little problem ..."  
"Well", Tarja mumbled. "A little problem is a great description ..."  
"He's incapable of getting hard!", Anja gasped.  
"What -?! N - no!", Tarja called. "No! Not at all!"  
"So you two already did it", Anja said and laughed. "I just wanted to test you - and your 'not at all' says everything." She winked.  
"Oh, you're so mean", Tarja muttered. "But it's not as easy as you think ... It's much more complicated."  
"Little problem", Anja mumbled. "Is he ... too small?"  
"Anja", Tarja groaned. "No. It's ... it's not about him ... I am the problem ..."  
"You're no problem, you're perfect", Anja said. "I'm seeing you here in underwear and I'm honestly thinking about batting for the other team from now on!"  
"I'll just pretend that this was another joke", Tarja said.  
"Yeah, yeah", Anja said with a laugh. "But honestly, Tarja ... You're very sexy. You'll soon see - I've found the perfect outfit for you."

Five minutes later they left the shop, Anja carrying a bag which contained that mysterious clothes about which look or material Tarja still had no clue about.  
Anja guided the younger girl directly to a cosmetic and hair studio, which Tarja had always longed to visit, but it had always been too expensive.  
But as Anja went in, everyone greeted her like an old friend! And one of the elder women even embraced her ...  
"Tarja, that's my auntie Airie. Airie, that's Tarja."  
"Hi", Tarja said to the woman with the beautiful, long and curly hair.  
"Hello, young beauty", she said, taking a strand of Tarja's hair between her fingers immediately, feeling her hair. "Is she a new victim?"  
"Yup", Anja replied dryly and Tarja got pale.  
"V - victim?"  
"What an innocence ...", Airie mumbled as her eyes wandered down the girl's body.  
"And we're the ones to change that", Anja said and then she and her aunt grabbed Tarja and pulled her into another room.  
They placed her on a chair and started to style her, completely lost in their element.  
Tarja was depressed, she had no idea what they were doing with her. Airie was working on her hair while Anja was doing something with her face. Sadly there was no mirror anywhere, probably this room was made for things like that.  
Victim, Tarja thought. What a good description.  
"So, tell me", Airie suddenly said. "For whom are we doing this?"  
"Her boyfriend", Anja answered.  
"He'll be so all over her", Airie said proudly. "What a pretty girl she is!"  
"I know", Anja said beaming and grinned at Tarja, who was rolling her eyes.  
"So ... You want to tell us about your problem now? Or are you ashamed to tell me in front of my aunt?"  
"Mh", Tarja started, but then she shook her head. "No, it's alright. You know, we already had - uhm - almost sex twice."  
"Almost?", Anja grimaced. "So he was already inside you but he stopped because it hurt you, right?"  
"Yes - how do you know?", Tarja asked.  
"That is normal, sweetheart", Airie said gently. "You're not ready, yet."  
"That's it, I feel ready!", Tarja said and blushed a little. "When I think of him now ... I want to sleep with him so badly! I'm so ready, but it still hurts ..."  
"Then you're just too tight, after all it's your first time", Anja said while she applied something to her face. "Maybe ... Maybe relax a little before you do it. Go to his sauna, make out, touch each other ... A long foreplay is better than a short one." Anja made a little pause, then she laughed. "You're getting red, Tari. Have you already been to the sauna?"  
"Yes", Tarja mumbled, thinking back of the first time she had an orgasm. "It was relaxing indeed ... Maybe you're right."  
"She is right", Airie agreed. "A long foreplay with lots of touching ... Loosen your borders through coming already before you have sex. Oral sex is the secret word, darling. Make him cum and he will make you cum, and once you're relaxed and wet enough, you will have no problems anymore."  
"Okay, thank you", Tarja said with a thankful smile. "So, a relaxing place, a long foreplay with touching and oral sex and when I'm ... uh, wet enough, it's time."  
"Right", Anja chuckled. "And then you won't get enough of it."  
Tarja giggled, suddenly really excited.  
Now she couldn't await it anymore ...


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: This chapter is more or less adult rated]

As Kirsti opened the door, her jaw immediately fell. "Tarja? Is that ... is that you?"  
Tarja looked down at herself with an unsatisfied huff. "Yeah ... You don't like it."  
"Are you kidding?", Kirsti said and stepped aside to let the girl enter. "You look amazing! Only a little different. I first have to get used to this look ..."  
"It's not for the eternity", Tarja said and suddenly Kirsti laughed.  
"I know - that's so Anja!"  
"It is?", Tarja asked a little doubting. "Anja wears more - uhm - short leather things and so ..."  
"It's not the style Anja wears", Kirsti explained. "More like the way she would dress her dolls."  
"As you can see", Taja muttered and Kirsti laughed, before she called her son. "Tuomas! Come down here and have a look at your beautiful girlfriend!"  
"Tarja is here?", Tuomas shouted from above. "I first have to get dressed ...!"  
Both Kirsti and Tarja bursted into laughter at this.  
"Hey!", Tuomas yelled. "I'm sorry that I was in the shower!"  
"You could have taken a shower with me later, but okay!", Tarja called back and Kirsti laughed even more.  
"Okay, that's enough", she chuckled. "I don't want to hear details about your sex life."  
Tarja blushed a little, still grinning. I could never talk with my mother about my sex life, she thought. But Kirsti ... She talks about it as if she had no problem with us being intimate ...  
Tarja straightened her dress and smiled at her boyfriend's mother.  
Kirsti smiled back and soon Tuomas came down.  
Kirsti quickly vanished in the kitchen to leave the teenagers alone, and as soon as Tuomas saw his girlfriend, he froze at the edge of the stairway.  
He stared at her for a minute without saying a word.  
Tarja was afraid that he didn't like it, but she had no idea about what was going on in his mind.  
He clenched the railing, trying to hold himself back from jumping at her.  
She looked like ...  
She looked like a metal queen.  
Her dress was long and red, it wasn't like the one she wore at Nissilä's, it wasn't tight and silky. But still it was sexy ... It reached until the floor and had ribbons everywhere. The upper part looked like a negligee with all the ribbons that held the sexy piece together, the lower part was more wide.  
All in all it looked very much like the Gothic style.  
Her hair looked different as well - the wild curls were gone, instead of that, a few strands of her hair fell on her shoulders in big and soft curls while the rest of it was made up to an elegant bun, which was hold by another few ribbons.  
Her lashes were long and black, her eyelid line was long and black as well and the light blue shadow reached up until her eyebrows.  
Her lips were dark red.  
The flash went through Tuomas as the idea almost let his heart stop.  
She could sing in my metal band if I ever get to form one!!  
"Do you ... Do you like it?", Tarja asked shyly.  
"Tarja ... I -" Tuomas gulped. "I love it ... I am speechless ..."  
Tarja smiled a little unsure, but suddenly she noticed the small bulge in his pants. "Oh, okay", she giggled and Tuomas blushed. They closed the gap between them and Tuomas kissed her cheek gently.  
"I don't want to destroy your beautiful make up", he whispered and as Tarja pressed her body closer to his, feeling his erection against her, he only moaned loudly.  
"Tarja, stop!"  
"Normally you say Tarja, don't stop", Tarja said with a sultry laugh and rubbed her pelvis against him.  
"You minx", Tuomas groaned and now kissed her lips. "I love you."  
"I love you too, but now you better come down", Tarja said lowly and Tuomas swallowed. She was too perfect ...

A little later they decided to go out. They took the bus to Tuomas' favourite metal bar, they took the bus on purpose because both of them had decided to drink.  
Tuomas was wearing tight, black jeans and a white shirt with the logo of Sonata Arctica on it, his scars on his arms were covered by several leather bands and bracelets. A rosary was hanging around his neck and his long hair hung down on his shoulders. They received many scared and doubting looks in the bus, but they didn't care.  
Tuomas was acting a little unsure, due to the fact that he was wearing eyeliner.  
He had told Tarja about his dream of founding a metal band, so they had looked up for pictures of metal band members.  
And so Tarja had decided to make him look like one through framing his eyes with her eyeliner.  
At first Tuomas had been unconfident, telling her that he'd look gay with make up on (after all that had been the reason why he had gotten bullied), but as she was done, he was stunned by how good he looked.  
But now, in the bus, everyone stared at him. Tuomas could hear them whisper.  
He's wearing eyeliner ...  
He looks like ...  
Tarja suddenly grabbed his face and pulled him close, pressing a kiss on his lips. "I love you", she whispered, loud enough so the ones around her could hear her.  
"I love you too", Tuomas said with a smile and kissed her back.

In the bar they were feeling as if they belonged there. There were men who even wore more make up than Tuomas did, they were women who wore dresses that only vampires in movies would wear, et cetera.  
The music was perfect, Sonata Arctica, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Nirvana, Lordi, KISS, ...  
Tarja and Tuomas were drinking beer in the beginning, but after their second beer, Tarja ordered two Bacardi Cokes. And after that white rum with orange juice. And after that Tuomas ordered two vodkas. After that, Tarja brought whiskey, but as they almost vomited because of it, they went back to Bacardi Coke. And after they almost fell around on the dance floor, laughing, singing, sometimes kissing wildly, they decided to drive home.  
In the bus that brought them home, they were giggling all the time, except for the times they were making out. Tarja's lipstick was already gone, but she didn't care at all.  
Tarja snuggled up to her boyfriend, who suddenly got tense. "What?", she mumbled and Tuomas trailed his lips over her temple.  
"There is Paula ...", he whispered without moving his lips too much.  
Tarja looked around and really - Paula sat far away from them, but she was staring at them with her eyes ripped open.  
"Got a problem?!", Tarja shouted and Paula quickly looked away.  
"Shhh!", Tuomas said loudly and shook his girlfriend lightly. "Are you crazy??"  
"No, I'm drunk", Tarja giggled and so Tuomas joined.  
"So am I", he said in a serious tone before they went on giggling.  
Everyone in the bus was glad as the drunk teenies left at Tuomas' bus stop.  
They tried to be quiet but failed madly.  
"Shhh - mother is asleep!", Tuomas almost yelled and laughed wildly. "Don't make her wake up!"  
"Oh, I won't but you will!", Tarja replied in the same loud voice and they laughed.  
At some point they broke together, laughing madly on the floor.  
After some time they had calmed down, but then Tuomas said something, that made Tarja lose it again.  
"Paula", he only said and Tarja bursd into laughter again.  
Both were crying because they had to laugh so much, and after ten minutes Tuomas was finally able to stand up.  
"T - Tarja!", he shouted after he had found a sheet of paper lying on the table. "Mum and Susanna aren't even here!"  
"What?", Tarja yelled and ripped the paper out of his hand. She quickly overflew it and started to laugh again.  
"We're so stupid!", she screamed and threw the paper in the air.  
It slowly flew down and Tarja stared at Tuomas shocked. Her boyfriend wasn't moving, he was only looking at her.  
"Tuo?", Tarja asked and then she giggled. "Did you freeze?"  
Tuomas didn't answer, he only stepped closer.  
"Tuomas ...?"  
"We're alone, Tarja", Tuomas whispered and Tarja didn't answer.  
But a few seconds after this, their lips crashed on the other's. Their lips and tongues melted together, their breathing got fast and their erections came to life. Tuomas pulled at the ribbons in the back of her dress and soon the dress was open. Tarja stepped out of it, leaving it on the floor carelessly. While she crashed her lips back on his, her hands found the edge of his shirt and pulled it off of him, dropping it on the floor as well.  
They moaned in union and as Tuomas opened his pants and pressed his hardness against her throbbing private parts, they both knew it was time.  
Tuomas opened the bra of his beloved and let it fall down as well. Carefully he took her breasts in his hands and squeezed gently. Tarja moaned and wrapped her naked legs around him, clinging herself on him. She kissed him and he tumbled back to the couch, her weight making him fall back.  
Once they were on the couch and she was on him, she slowly pulled down her own panties, making him almost dizzy with the smell of her arousal.  
She also let the panty drop down at the floor and lowered herself on him, making her wet entry rub against his covered hardness. She bent down and stole another kiss from him, before she cupped his face. "Condom", she whispered and Tuomas nodded with a dull face.  
"Upstairs", he mumbled and Tarja looked at him.  
"Okay ...", she mumbled after a while. "Let's move, then ..."  
And she stood up, not caring about that she was completely naked. Being drunk did have a good side after all.  
They quickly removed every single piece of their clothes that was lying around on the floor and carried them upstairs giggling and laughing.  
Tuomas didn't bother to lock his room, why would he? They were alone ...  
Tarja threw herself on the bed and spread her legs for him. "Take me!", she moaned and Tuomas crawled up to her, sinking his face down between her legs.  
Tarja moaned and closed her eyes as she felt his tongue run along the insides of her thighs, slowly wandering upwards to her slit. He circled her clit with the tip of his tongue and added his fingers to spread her lips, making his index finger enter. Tarja moaned loudly and Tuomas closed his eyes as her wet erection softly dripped out, running down her thighs. He licked her juices away and while he caressed her clit and slit with his tongue, he took his own erection into his hands.  
Gently he stroke his hardness while he drank from her and when he started to plung his tongue in and out of her, she grabbed the sheet of the bed with one hand and a pillow with her other hand. She pressed the pillow against her face and screamed his name into it while the orgasm took her over. It crashed through her body in waves, making her muscles clench and loosen again, made her forget everything else than her and him. And once the feeling was gone, she rolled him over and looked at him.  
His eyes were darkened with lust, and so were hers. Her face was flushed and she was beaming, her face lit up from the feeling of the orgasm.  
She placed a gentle kiss on his stomach and finally pulled down his boxers.  
"This is new for me", she apologized gently, before she trailed her lips along his hard dick, slowly licking over his tip, before she opened her mouth and let his erection slowly disappear between her lips.

This was the first time he had ever had an orgasm, and now he didn't want to stop. He wanted to feel it again.  
He wanted to feel himself inside of her, making her and himself crash over the edge together.  
He pressed her down on the bed and kissed and nipped her neck, massaging her erection with his fingers. Her clit was swollen and wet and he applied more pressure on it.  
"Condom!", Tarja moaned, almost longing. "And then fuck me already!"  
"It's love-making", Tuomas corrected her with a moan.  
"Ever the perfect Tuo", Tarja said gently and smiled at him. Tuomas opened the drawer of his nightstand to get a condom, but it was empty.  
"Fuck", he mumbled. "Tari, do you have condoms?"  
"What?", Tarja almost screamed.  
"I forgot to buy some -"  
"Why don't you have condoms??", Tarja asked shocked. "You had more than enough a few weeks ago!!"  
"Eh, I may have wasted a few while practicing", Tuomas said with a blush. "I practiced putting them on to make it perfect for us ..."  
"Aw", Tarja smiled and kissed him. "I have some, but at home. Sorry, babe. You know I'm not taking the pill ..."  
"Then we have to wait again", Tuomas said, sounding almost desperate.  
"Yes", Tarja whispered. "This was perfect, though ..."  
As she smiled, Tuomas smiled as well. "Care to do that again?", he whispered and Tarja nodded with a giggle.  
"In the shower, maybe?"  
Tuomas laughed and kissed her. "I'll prepare a shower for us, then", he informed her before he got up.  
Tarja leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment.  
Almost! This time it was perfect ... I can't believe I gave him a blowjob, though ... But why not? He already made me cum twice ...  
She smiled. She was really enjoying this kind of exploring each other.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: a little update on what I've planned - this story will come to an end soon. I'll focus on the last chapters of Romanticide now before I concentrate on Not An Angel - tell me please if that's okay for you (and if you liked this chapter
> 
> Love you! -R

She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the cold wall against her back, tried to concentrate only on his face between her thighs. She let out a muffled groan as he hit this sensitive spot again, and soon her limbs tensed. Her thighs were pressing against his temples as her hands stroke though his wet hair.  
"I'm cumming", she breathed. "Again."  
"Then let go", he hummed, the soft vibration against her private parts making her even more crazy. He had managed to bring her there again, not even a minute after her last orgasm.  
The water fell down somewhere between them, it ran down her body, dripped down her private parts, mixing her juices with the water. His warm and wet tongue caressed her so gentle and loving, Tarja was about to lose it once again.  
Now they were here, in the shower of her boyfriend, her back pressed against the cold wall, the water falling down at them, his tongue deep inside her.  
Her legs were hanging down his back as she had positioned herself on his shoulders, while he made love to her with his mouth with so much care and adoration.  
She couldn't believe her luck with this beyond perfect man. He was all hers. She knew she would never let him go, why should she? He loved nothing more than her.  
Her mind was flying as she fell over the edge, hot juices running down her thighs. With a loud scream that was even louder through echoing from the bathroom walls as she came, her thighs clenching on his shoulders.  
As she came down again, she almost sacked together. She let herself glide off of her boyfriend and sat down on the shower floor, looking up to him. The water now fell on her head and he sat down next to her, taking her face between his hands.  
Her hands stroke over his naked and wet chest, over his arm, taking his hand.  
His hands caressed her cheeks and stroke her wet hair behind her ears, before his head bent down to claim her lips with his.  
There were no words necessary, they both knew.

She snuggled up closer to him, still not able to talk. He wrapped his arms around his beloved and pulled her close, pressing a kiss on her forehead.  
The second they had started their little love games in the shower, Tarja hadn't felt drunk anymore. And now she only felt tired.  
She wrapped her right leg around his, to prevent him from disappearing, even though she knew that he'd never do this. She knew he loved her and she trusted him. She trusted him so much.  
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart. It beat calmly and Tarja knew that it beat only for her.  
She smiled, still not saying a word.  
It just hadn't been necessary, yet ...

The morning was a struggle. Tarja had a headache and she was feeling sick.  
"I could vomit", she complained. "I'll never drink again ..."  
"Me neither", Tuomas groaned into his pillow. He was lying on his stomach, his face buried in one of his pillows. "I want to die", he went on, making Tarja smack his buttocks.  
"Don't you ever say this again!", she scolded, knowing that he didn't mean it. But after his confession ...  
Tuomas turned around to look at her. "I promise, Tari, but - god, please shoot me!"  
"I'm feeling the same", the hungover teenie said and carefully stood up, instantly regretting this. Her boyfriend's room was turning around her and for a few seconds her sight was black. "Am I fainting?", she screeched and let herself fall on the bed again.  
Tuomas laughed about his crazy girlfriend, who now was groaning "I wanna die!", just as he'd done before.  
"There, there, Tarja", Tuomas laughed and patted her shoulder.   
"You have a gun?", Tarja groaned and Tuomas laughed more, before a wave of nausea washed over him.  
He laid down again and Tarja crawled next to him again.  
Their closed their eyes, but as they almost were about to drift away again, a knock on their door awoke them from their almost-sleep.  
"Good morning!", a cheerful voice reached their ears and both teenagers groaned in union.  
Kirsti was standing in the doorframe, grinning at her son and the girl with the wild curls next to him. "Now, is your fun from yesterday worth the hangover?"  
No one answered at first, but then Tuomas lifted up his head. "Huh?"  
"Well, you obviously drank", Kirsti said. "Your room is reeking." With these words she walked to the window and ripped it open, letting the cool air flow inside.  
"Oh, yes", Tuomas mumbled. "Yes, the fun was worth it ..."  
"I guessed so", Kirsti chuckled. "Come down, if you feel ready. I hope you're able to eat a little."  
Still no one answered, so Kirsti went back to the door. "Oh", she said, before she closed the door, "it would be nice of you to remove your underwear from the couch, by the way."  
Now Tarja ripped open her eyes, staring at the grinning woman in shock. "Y - yes, we will", she stuttered with a blush and Kirsti chuckled.   
The young adults could still hear her laugh after she had closed the door.  
"Fuck", Tuomas mumbled after some time of silence.  
"I thought we've removed everything", Tarja said.  
"From the floor, yes", Tuomas said. "Obviously not from the couch."  
"Will you tell her that nothing happened?", Tarja mumbled, but Tuomas shook his head.  
"No. It's none of her business, shall she think that something happened. Besides that - if I tell her that nothing happened, she will want to know why. And I can't tell her that we couldn't sleep together because I had no condoms anymore."  
Tarja bursted into laughter. "Okay, true. Because if you wouldn't tell her that you used them for practise, she'll think we fuck twice a day."  
"Make love", Tuomas corrected her once again, and Tarja threw herself on him, shutting him up with her lips on his.

Tuomas stepped down as quiet as he could, but his mother noticed him anyway. "Back from the dead?", she asked and Tuomas grimaced.  
Automatically he walked over to the couch to lift up the undergarments his mother had found. With a swallow he remembered how she had sat on him, her lustful eyes upon him, her wet entry rubbing against his erection ...  
His eyes fell on Tarja's sexy underwear and he quickly removed them from the couch.  
"Tarja wears nice things", Kirsti said as Tuomas went past her and he threw an angry look at her. Yes, Tarja wore nice things, a lace-covered thong and bra.  
"I know", he huffed and Kirsti giggled.  
"She's finally ready?", she asked, but Tuomas replied nothing. It was really none of her business.  
He carried the undergarments upstairs and as he opened the door, he found Tarja standing in his room, her backside turned to the door.  
She was slowly stripping off her pajama pants, while her upper body was already freed from the shirt.  
"In sleep he sang to me", she sang softly, "in dreams he came ..."  
Tuomas couldn't take it anymore. Within a second he had stepped up to her and circled his arms around her body. "That voice which calls to me", he whispered in her ears, his hands roaming over her stomach.  
"And speaks my name", Tarja whispered back and turned her head a little, so they could kiss. Tuomas was too shy to touch her further, now that he was sober again, so Tarja took his hands and slowly guided them up, so they were soon touching her breasts. Tuomas swallowed heavily as he felt her stiffened nipples. He swallowed even more when Tarja turned around, her moan filled with lust after he had touched her breasts so carefully, cupped his face and gently pushed him down.  
Tuomas kissed the valley of her breasts, caressed them with his lips, wandered to the one breast and took her nipple between his lips. After a few gentle kisses and licks, he bit down on it gently and Tarja screamed, her voice filled with need and lust instead of pain.

Her cheeks were flushed as she left. He had really managed to make her cum more than three times within ten hours!  
He must be a god ...  
Tarja whistled as she walked to the bus stop, her genitals still a little sore. She knew it would be worse, once they had real sex, but this alone was enough for the moment. She knew she wanted more, she only hoped that she was really ready this time. But she knew she was, now - he was too perfect. She loved him more than anything.  
Tarja smiled as she thought back of their night, thought back of their shower ...  
It had been so erotic, both had been naked and both had been wet. Their bodies pressed together, their lips connected ... Tarja wondered if she had been ready to do this kind of petting if she had been sober (she doubted this, to be honest).  
Tarja sat down at the bench of the bus stop, still smiling. She now knew what she would do as soon as she was at home - she would grab some condoms and put them into her purse, so she always carried them with her, in case that they needed one quick.  
It had almost happened ... Tarja was, to be honest, quite relieved that it hadn't happened yet. She had no idea if she could remember it now, after all they had been drunk.  
Sure, she remembered their night ... the way he had pressed her body against the cold wall while his tongue was licking her deepest ...  
A cold shiver ran over her spine as she remembered and she opened her eyes again, thank god, or she would have missed the bus.  
Her cheeks were still glowing and reddened the whole drive home, because she wasn't able to stop thinking about the amount of orgasms he had caused her to have this night.  
As Tarja entered her house, Marjatta was immediately there.  
"Next time you go outside, tell me if you'll stay over night", she greeted her daughter harshly.  
"Sorry", Tarja said, not meaning it a little bit.   
"Where have you been?"  
"First I've been with Anja", Tarja informed her mother. "And over night I stayed at Tuomas' house -" Tarja went quiet as her gaze fell on the little table with the telephone. There was a letter ... And this letter was addressed to her!  
"Is that -?!", Tarja gasped and grabbed it. With a screech she ripped the letter of the Sibelius open, running into the living room.  
Soon I will know if I go to Germany or stay in Finland ...  
Marjatta followed her and let herself fall down on the couch, right next to her daughter.  
"Finally a language I know", she chuckled and read the letter quietly, along with her daughter.

 

A few hours later ...

"Will you tell him?", Marjatta asked and Tarja nodded.  
"I have to, or not?", Tarja sighed. "He deserves to know as soon as possible ..."  
"Will you really call them?", Marjatta asked and Tarja threw a dirty look at her mother.  
"Yes", she hissed. With shaking fingers she typed in the number of the college.  
"Will you tell Tuomas right after that?", Marjatta asked on and Tarja groaned.   
"I will tell him when I see him for the next time, so probably tomorrow", she huffed and then smiled as someone answered the phone.  
"Musikhochschule Karlsruhe, Tina, hallo?"  
"Hello, uh, Miss ... Tina?", Tarja stuttered. "I'm - I'm Tarja Turunen ... from Kitee. In Finland. I got accepted to your college, I don't know if you know about this ...?"  
"Miss Turunen from Finland?", the nice woman immediately said. "Of course I've heard about that. What an honour!"  
"I'm calling from Finalnd, so I have to put this call short", Tarja said with the best English she could manage. "I have a little problem because I got accepted to another college as well, to one in Helsinki ... That would be closer to me."  
"So you want to study there", Tina stated and nodded, starting to type something into her computer. Taeja could only hear the rattling of the keyboard as she typed. "I understand that, Miss Turunen."  
"I call because -", Tarja started, quietly laughing about the way Tina pronounced her last name (Turuunen), "because they want me to start next January. And I wanted to ask if I can come to your college from September to December? Or is that no option? Of course I will stay if I like it too much to leave again."  
"That is no problem at all, Miss Turunen, a lot of students do that", Tina said. "But still I'm going to have a talk to the principal, first. May I have your number to call you back as soon as I know?"  
"Gladly", Tarja answered and then she told the secretary her number, silently fearing Tuomas' reaction.


	28. Chapter 28

September 7th

'My dearest Tuomas.  
Since our call two days ago, I've missed you more than ever. I tried to write a poem for you, but my creativity just left me the second I put my pen on the paper.  
About the college, it's still okay. I wish, we could talk to each other everyday. Oh, that even rhymed :)  
It's still not poetic, though. Tuomas, oh, my dearest Tuomas ... I miss you so much ... The language is so different, the people are so different ... But soon, my love. Soon ...  
Tarja.'

"Soon", Tuomas whispered, before he replied to the letter.

\---

September 11th

'My beloved Tarja,  
with every leave that changes from green to yellow, I miss you more. Since you've been gone I feel as if you've taken the sun with you, that shone over Finland. Now the weather is cold and everything is grey. I do hope that the sun shines for you, though. I miss so you much, it hurts. I hope you're alright.  
I love you.  
Tuomas.'

"Wow", Tarja said stunned. He hadn't changed a bit, why would he?

\---

September 17th

'My love.  
Your words warmed my heart. I really loved that sentence with the leaves ... You know I love colorful leaves? I love autumn in general, I wish I could spend the whole autumn with you.  
How have you been?  
Love you so much. T.'

"I've been better", Tuomas sighed, slowly stroking over his newest scar ...

\---

September 21st

'I wrote back as soon as I've read your letter, my beloved.  
There's nothing new, no replies from any college, yet.  
I wish I could spent the autumn with you as well ... You know that I've been thinking about visiting you, but that'll ruin us ...  
Well. Soon, love. Yours forever. Tuomas.'

"Don't visit me if it's going to ruin you", Tarja mumbled, her heart aching. "That wouldn't be right ... richtig." She rolled her eyes. It had become a habit.  
The language was hard indeed, but Tarja already had mastered basics like Hello and Goodbye and she could already order a pizza in German - and this was the most important thing, right?  
She liked the professors, they were nice and interested in her and she liked the students. They were like her, talented in singing. When Tarja sang, they applauded her with only honesty. And when someone else sang, she applauded as well. There was no jealousy around the students, due to the fact that all of them were talented. Tarja bit her pen, thinking about what she could reply.  
She missed him more than anything, so writing letters didn't seem enough. A call was too expensive. He wanted to visit her, but this would be too expensive as well. She could visit him ... After all her flights got paid by the college, Tina had told her as she had called Tarja back.

'Dear Tuomas', she started, but got interrupted by a knock.  
"Ja? Herein!", she called and Sonja and Agnes entered.  
"Hi, Tarja!", they shouted in union.  
"We're going to watch a movie, do you want to join?", Sonja then asked in German, slowly, so Tarja could have a chance to understand it.  
"A movie?", she then replied. "Yes, of course. I first need to answering my boyfriend."  
Sonja and Agnes giggled a little, they always did when Tarja said something wrong. They corrected her and then told her where she could find them.

'I have two friends called Agnes and Sonja. They're nice, even though they laugh about me when I confuse words or say them strangely. But well, I don't care, I know they don't mean it like that. They always correct me after that.  
How are you? I miss you so much, tell me everything ...'

"I can't", Tuomas sighed and put the letter down. The crash from before had startled him, and now his mother was crying in the next room. But he couldn't go there, he was afraid.  
And he also couldn't go down. He could only stay in his room.  
He could hear Susanna's scream. "How dare you???", she screached and then another crash reached the boy's ears.  
"I need you, Tarja", Tuomas whispered and threw himself on the bed, trying to blend out the fight between his sister and father.

"Why don't you just let me kiss you?", the guy asked in perfect English.  
"I told you I have a boyfriend!", Tarja replied a little unsure and tried to push him away. "Can't you fall on Sonja's nerves??"  
"Sonja isn't that interesting to me", the guy purred into Tarja's ear and Tarja pushed him away from her face as good as possible.  
"But I have a boyfriend!", Tarja hissed at the boy, that had joined the lastest movie session - Star Wars. He was an old friend of Sonja and Tarja had noticed that the blonde girl liked him.  
"I don't care about this imaginary boyfriend of yours", the boy (was his name David?) chuckled.  
"He is not imaginary!", Tarja screeched and pushed her fists against David's chest as he finally managed to press his lips on hers.  
"Let go!", she screamed, but he kissed her harder. How could Sonja like him??  
Tarja couldn't push him away, he was too strong. "Tuomas ...", Tarja mumbled helplessly and sunk down, while the strong arms hugged her tighter, forcing her to kiss him even more.  
Tarja had given up, she wasn't strong enough.  
The tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was whispering "Tuomas, Tuomas", over and over.  
What would he do? Would he undress and rape her on the street?  
His kiss ended abruptly as someone hit the guy above her with a piece of wood.  
While David fainted, two pairs of hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him away.  
"Thank you", Tarja whispered to her friends and Agnes quickly embraced her, before the young Finn bursted into tears.  
Her limbs were hurting, she knew he would have raped her, if Sonja and Agnes hadn't been close. Later, in her room, she noticed the bruises he had caused her.

\---

October 3rd

'Tuomas,  
I honestly miss you everyday a little more. Don't get scared now, but I almost got raped a few days ago ... Sonja and Agnes could prevent it. I have bruises all over my body and I just miss your gentle hands as they touch me carefully, and your kisses, the only kisses I want.  
I definitely won't stay forever.  
I love you.'

"Raped?", Tuomas whispered and leaned back. The tears were burning in his eyes as he acknowledged that one of his biggest fears had almost came true.  
"Who is this letter from?"  
"My girlfriend", Tuomas said gently and stroke over the addressor. Tarja Turunen ...  
"Is she an alibi?"  
"No, she's my true love, father."  
Pentti Holopainen didn't reply, but Tuomas knew that he didn't believe him.

Tuomas had called her after he had calmed down. Tarja had told him she would call him back, but Tuomas had promised her that he could afford it. They talked for almost an hour and after that, Tarja was sure that she would visit him. She missed him more than anything, she knew she couldn't go on like that. Besides that, he had sounded depressed. He hadn't laughed for a single time. He had talked rather quiet. And he had sounded ... scared?  
"I'll go back", Tarja told Agnes, while the brunette girl flatted the black haired girl's curls with her flatting iron.  
"Back to Finland?", Agnes asked.  
"Yes", Tarja answered. "To my boyfriend. He needs me."  
"I understand that", Agnes said gently. "I'm actually quite jealous that you have a boyfriend like him."  
Tarja smiled. She had told Agnes everything about Tuomas - well, not everything. The story that he had tried to kill himself because he had been bullied because the others had said he was gay had turned into a shorter version, where the others had bullied him because he was a nerd and that they even had beaten the shit out of him, so that he had woken up at the hospital. Agnes had been shocked, but she had it found romantic, that they both had saved each other. Tarja had showed the poems to her and Agnes had said, if there was no college who would take him, they would miss something. She loved the poems, in front of all Beauty And The Beast. Tarja had sung it to her and Agnes had been flashed.  
After one month, the brunette girl was her best friend, a better friend than Paula had always been.  
"I will stay over the weekend", Tarja decided. "And then I'll come back to end this semester."  
"Such a shame that you won't stay longer", Agnes sighed. "I will miss you pretty much."  
"Maybe I'll come back", Tarja said with a smile. "But Tuomas is helpless without me."  
"Then bring him along", Agnes suggested.  
Tarja looked into the mirror and met the brown eyes of her new best friend. "That's actually a good idea", the Finn said.

"Tarja!", Marjatta said as she opened the door. She pulled her daughter in an embrace. "What are you doing here?"  
"I need to see Tuomas", Tarja said as Marjatta let go of her. "I guess he's in trouble."  
Marjatta lifted her brows.  
"You don't know ...?", Marjatta whispered. "Tuomas hasn't told you ...?"  
"What?!", Tarja shouted and Marjatta sighed.  
"Come inside", she mumbled.  
After her mother had told her, Tarja had no idea what to think. Tuomas' father had returned? Why hadn't he told her?  
Tarja was kneading her hands while her mother drove her to her boyfriend's house.  
"You don't have to be afraid", Marjatta said calmly as she stopped the engine. "I'm sure he has changed."  
"We'll see", Tarja muttered and opened the door. "Thanks for driving me."  
"I'll stay and wait until you tell me I can drive", Marjatta offered and Tarja nodded thankfully.  
With shaking hands she walked to the door and took a deep breath before she rang the doorbell.  
And no one else than Pentti opened.  
He was tall and had a wild beard. With a stern face he looked down at Tarja. "Yes?"  
"Hello", Tarja smiled. "I'm Tarja Turunen. Is Tuomas here?"  
"Tarja, Tuomas' girlfriend?", Pentti asked.  
"Yes, Mr. Holopainen", Tarja said politely and the tall man huffed.  
"Tuomas is not here", he said and Tarja tried to stay calm.  
"Where is he?", she asked but Pentti shrugged.  
"I'm only here for the weekend", Tarja explained. "Could you tell him, when he comes back?"  
"I will, if he does", Pentti replied. "But I doubt that. He's gone for a week already."  
Tarja's face fell, and her heart sunk into her pants as Pentti closed the door.  
She slowly walked back to the car, her face still hanging. "He's not here", Tarja whispered and Marjatta put her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Can I drive you somewhere?", she asked gently.  
"Yes, please", Tarja said. "Drive me to Emppu."

The worry was written all over Emppu's face as Tarja asked him. "I don't know where he is", the small blonde said. "I haven't heard from him in a week. He just disappeared."  
Tarja bursted into tears as Emppu told her and the blonde quickly pulled her in a tight hug. "Don't cry", he pleaded. "He will return. He's only hiding from his dad."  
"How could I leave him alone?", Tarja screamed. "How could I? It's my fault!"  
"It's certainly not your fault", Emppu said and shook the crying girl lightly. "Now think of where he could have gone - to his brother, maybe? To Milo and Anja? To Jukka?"  
Tarja wiped her tears away and thought of the possibilities of where she could find her boyfriend. She had an option, and even if it would turn out to be wrong, she had to start looking somewhere, or not?"  
She hugged Emppu again before she went back to her mother's car.  
"Do you know where he is?", Marjatta asked gently. She was pretty worried about Tuomas, after all her daughter loved him. And she liked him too, he was a good guy. She didn't want him to get into trouble.  
"I think so", Tarja mumbled, weighing the options in her head. "Could you drive me somewhere else? I really think he could be there ..."


	29. Chapter 29

Please leave opinions, after all the story will be over soon... ♥  
\---

"Be a nice boat, Soile ... Be nice to me ..."  
Tarja tried for the fifth time already, to start the boat again. Too bad she was aready too far away from the shore, her mother probably couldn't see her. Maybe she was already gone as well.  
"Well, then I'll have to drive back with the bus", Tarja huffed, silently thanking God that she had always her purse with her, so she could at least pay the bus that would bring her back home.  
"Now come on, Soile ... We're going to Tuomas' island! Maybe he'll be there, hm?"  
Soile didn't respond, why would she? She was a boat.  
"Come on ...", Tarja pleaded. "Can be you're jealous, but you can't let me die here ... HEEEEEELP!"  
Tarja knew that no one would help here, but still she screamed for help again and again. With one immense, depressed pull, she pulled the trigger and finally Soile made a noise again.  
"Yes!", Tarja shouted as the boat drove further. The last minutes Tarja prayed that the motor wouldn't die again ...  
It didn't, and soon Tarja could see the island.   
She cheered as she saw the little campfire on the shore.  
"Tuomas!", she screamed. "Tuoooomaaas!!"  
After a second, Tuomas shot out of the cottage.  
"TARJA?!", he shouted and ran to the shore.  
"Tuomas!", Tarja called again, tears glistening in her eyes. "Tuo!!"  
"Tarja my love! Tari!", Tuomas called back and Tarja could see the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.  
He ran into the water, not caring about its coldness, ran to her as good as he could. Soon he had reached the boat and Tarja leaned down to kiss him. His wet, cold hands cupped her face as their lips met and her hands grabbed his hair. They kissed for a felt eternity, relieved and glad to have each other again, and after they were done, Tuomas pulled the boat to the shore.  
"I can't believe you're back", he whispered, as Tarja stepped out of the boat.  
"Only for a weekend", she said and Tuomas' face fell. "But after what I've seen, I want you to come back with me."  
"To Germany?", Tuomas asked and Tarja nodded.  
"We'll go there together, you'll see. And now undress, or you'll get a cold."  
Tuomas laughed and started to slide out of his trousers and shirt, placing it and himself next to the fire.  
Tarja watched him with burning desire in his eyes and after a while, she took off her jacket.  
She sat down next to him and slung her arms around her boyfriend. "I was so worried", she whispered. "But somehow I immediately knew where you went to ..."  
Tuomas wrapped his arms around the black haired girl as well. "I love you", he said and touched her nose with his. "And if you think it was telepathy - maybe it was. Maybe our minds are connected ..."  
Tarja giggled. "True, but - I can't believe your father is back ... why didn't you tell me?"  
"Let's not talk about him", Tuomas mumbled and rubbed his nose against hers. "I was also worried, baby ... You almost got raped ..."  
"That's a bit exaggerated", Tarja mumbled and brushed her lips against his. "I think he would have let me go after I've done something, like biting or hitting him, he wasn't an old pedophile ..."  
"Still", Tuomas whispered and let his finger run along Tarja's spine, which caused her skin to erupt in goosebumps. "Only I'm allowed to touch this beautiful body of yours ..." He kissed her gently. "Kiss those beautiful lips ..."  
Their lips melted together in a careful and tender way, it was almost as if they kissed for the first time. But suddenly Tuomas wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her down gently, so she was lying on a bed of leaves.  
"I missed you", Tarja whispered while Tuomas gently kissed her neck and throat and slowly wandered down. He let his tongue flicker over the soft skin of her breasts, while his hands had found their way to the hem of her dress. His fingers drew soft circles over her waist and she let out a soft sigh.  
"Tuomas ..."  
"I'm here, love", the dark haired young man whispered and looked at her. Tarja smiled down.  
"Take me", she then said and Tuomas' eyes darkened with lust. He swallowed as he remembered what they had done more than two months ago in the shower.  
He kissed her neck once more, wondering if she was ready now. If she was, they would have their first time in on his island, on the ground, surrounded by colourful leaves.  
"Tarja ...", he whispered as the girl beneath him let out a loud moan.  
Tarja didn't answer, though, instead of that her hands crawled down and opened Tuomas' now dried jeans in a swift move.  
"Tuomas", she then whispered back. Her eyes were beaming up to him and suddenly she took off her little handbag. "Here", she said, opened it and held it to Tuomas.  
The boy looked inside - there was a little can of Nivea inside, a little hairbrush, chewing gum, twenty Euros and two packs of condoms. With a swallow he pulled out one of the packs and held it to her. "This?", he croaked.  
"Well, we can try with the money as well, but I doubt this will protect me from getting pregnant", Tarja said sweetly and cupped her boyfriend's face.  
"Would be worth a try", Tuomas chuckled. "I wouldn't have something against a little us ..."  
"Wrong time for this talk", Tarja said with an honest face and Tuomas quickly kissed her to hide his embarrassment. He cursed himself, not a single day went by without him planning their future. And marrying and getting a baby (or more) were always involved.  
But suddenly he just forgot thinking about this, and that was when Tarja pulled down his jeans slowly, stroking her fingers over his thighs as she did so. Their lips were still locked and Tuomas pulled down her dress, exposing her naked thighs.  
He slowly pulled down her panties, doing the same with his fingers as she had done with hers. Goosebumps erupted on her skin where he touched her, and soon she was freed from her panties. Tuomas kissed the valley between her breasts again and Tarja parted her legs, wrapping them around him.  
"I'm ready", she said so quietly, he almost didn't hear her. "I've missed you for two months, that was long enough. Now I know I'm ready."  
Tuomas kissed her cheek before he sat up. He opened the pack of the condom, but suddenly her slim hands fastened forward and took the package away from him. Carefully she pulled out the condom, making his eyes widen.  
"I want to do it", she mumbled and he nodded. She put it on him gently, his eyes locked with hers. Her pupils were widened and her cheeks were red, but she put the protection on him as if she had never done something else.  
"I'm ready ...", she then whispered again and moved closer to him.  
Tuomas closed the gap between them as he kissed her, and while their lips were locked, Tarja moved over him and lowered herself on him, finally making them one with a loud moan.

Their breaths and screams as their bodies connected echoed over the island, and in this very moment, both were relieved that they were completely alone.  
Tarja ran her hands over his back, while he took her thighs and rolled her over. He was on her now, kissing her deeply while he moved against her slowly.  
With every thrust he made against her, Tarja breathed louder.  
It felt like a wonderful eternity of love making, his gentleness made it even more wonderful. It wasn't as Tarja had imagined it, he didn't want to bring it behind himself, he took his time, making it beautiful for both of them.  
He slowly took her closer to the edge, slowly and gently, not wanting to let their first time end, yet. It lasted longer than Tarja had thought as well and it was indeed beautiful. After some time Tarja closed her eyes, only wanting to feel the sensation of his gentle thrusts inside her and the cool October air on her face.  
Tarja wasn't in a hurry, she enjoyed their first time, enjoyed the fact that he was slow and tender, enjoyed the fact that it didn't hurt her.  
It only felt good.  
"That's it, hm?", Tarja whispered as she opened her eyes again. She pulled him down and pecked her lips. "I hope you enjoy it as well ..."  
"Are you kidding?", Tuomas breathed. "I'm trying to hold back my orgasm ..."  
"Because of me?", Tarja asked. "Don't do that ... We can always repeat this ... Besides that, you've managed to make me cum so often already ..."  
But her boyfriend didn't care, while he was still moving against her, his hand moved down to caress her clit.  
And this sensation was too much for Tarja.  
His hardness inside her, his hand on her bundle of nerves, his thoughts only with her, his love only for her. Tarja had never felt so loved before, and that was when she reached the peak with a scream, her walls suddenly tight around him. The tugging around his manhood made Tuomas moan, and for a few seconds he watched his beloved, making sure she really came, and as her eyes rolled up, he buried his face in the nape of her neck, letting the spasms take him over.  
Together they fell over the edge, the name of the other on their lips.  
And as they came down again, they just looked at each other. They both knew that it was right the way it was.

Later they were cuddling in the cottage.  
Only clad in their underwear and wrapped in a blanket, they were holding each other. Every now and then they kissed, but most of the time they only laid side by side, none of them saying a word.  
The afterglow had been overwhelming, the whole love making had. They had exchanged all the love confessions they couldn't have told each other during the last two months, and now they were just cuddling. Tarja sighed happily and closed her eyes as she snuggled closer to him.  
Finally I was ready. I've been really ready! I've had my first time! God, I can't believe it! And I really can't wait for the next time ...  
"What are you thinking, Love?", Tuomas asked and caressed her hair.  
"Nothing", Tarja mumbled. "About how happy I am ... You?"  
"About your perfectness and the fact I don't deserve you."  
"Oh, shut up", Tarja mumbled and pressed a kiss on his chest. "Who else do you deserve then, if you don't even deserve me?"  
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me", Tuomas said. "So I'd say you're way more worth than a 'don't even'."  
"Let's just say both of us don't deserve the other okay? But still we love each other more than anything ..." Tarja's green eyes met his blue and he smiled down at her.  
"Okay", he whispered and kissed her forehead. "I don't want to let you go again ..."  
"Then come with me", Tarja said. "I told you we could start a life in Germany. I won't leave you alone with a man who makes you cut yourself."  
Tuomas blushed, embarrassed that she had noticed, and Tarja touched his cheek. "What happened?"  
"We ... We were eating", Tuomas whispered. "It was the third day he was back. Everything was okay, it was a little awkward but okay ... Suddenly my mum asked me about you. She asked if you were feeling alright in Germany.  
Before I could answer, my father talked. He started talking about that he has never believed I would get a girlfriend, and that you're only an alibi and so on ... And when I started defending you, he noticed how close to tears I was ... you know me. He laughed about me and that was when I took the knife ... I did it under the table so he couldn't see it. It helped me with holding back the tears."  
"Don't you ever do this again", Tarja only whispered and wiped his tears away, which were running down his face silently. "I rather see you cry than cut yourself."  
So Tuomas leaned his face against her shoulder and let every tear flow, that he had to hold back over the last weeks.


	30. Chapter 30

"So, what do you want to do today?", Tuomas whispered and stroke a strand of his girlfriend's hair behind her ear.  
"Mh ... Can we stay in bed?", Tarja mumbled and stretched herself.  
"But only to cuddle", Tuomas said gently and kissed the girl's forehead. Now she seemed even more beautiful to him ... If that was possible.  
"Why?", Tarja complained and Tuomas laughed.  
"Because we have no condoms anymore."  
Tarja groaned. "I should have brought more. Damn, how could I know that we would need both of them in one single day??"  
"And night ...", Tuomas whispered and Tarja closed her eyes.  
Their second time had been simply breathtaking.  
The foreplay had begun spontaneously as they were in bed and faster as one of them could react, they had needed the second condom.  
And this time had been even better.  
Full of passion, full of lust. Tarja had taken the lead, she had ridden him while he had touched everything he could reach from his position below her. And they had came together again, her sweaty body crashing down on him as she lost herself in the wave of pleasure once again. While they both came with screams, Tuomas had pressed her against him, trying not to make her fade away. They had fallen asleep entwined and naked, with happy and satisfied smiles on their faces.  
Tarja wrapped her arm around her beloved and sighed. "My god, you're so perfect ..."  
"Says the most perfect person existing", Tuomas whispered and kissed Tarja's forehead. "I love you, Tarja ..."  
"Mh", Tarja replied. "This night was perfect. Could have never believed I'd ever be on top ..."  
Tuomas chuckled. "You enjoyed that, huh?"  
"Yeah", Tarja said with a grin. "It was ... magic. Like in a Disney movie."  
"Oh, you", Tuomas said and pinched the girl's nose. "But yes, it was perfect. I had a beautiful view."  
Tarja rolled her eyes as Tuomas grinned smugly.  
After a while of just looking and smiling at each other (they both didn't tell the other, but they had started loving the other even more after last night), Tuomas talked again.  
"Do I look different?"  
"What?", Tarja asked. "Did you dye your hair? Sorry I didn't notice!"  
"I didn't dye it", Tuomas laughed. "But now I'm officially not a virgin anymore."  
"Same here", Tarja giggled and rubbed her pelvis against his, making him moan lightly. "Well, your eyes are shining and you are grinning without a break."  
"I'm happy", Tuomas sighed. "Happy to have you."  
"Aw", Tarja said and hugged him. "That is so cute, I wanna vomit."  
"You're stupid", Tuomas replied.  
"I love you", Tarja said and the young adults looked at each other, before they kissed gently.  
Both of them knew, they would try to keep each other as long as possible.

They spent the whole day on the island, either in the cottage or the sauna. Tarja had offered to drive back and pick up a few more condoms, but Tuomas had declined, telling her he wouldn't let her go today. He knew that she had to leave the following day, he didn't want to let her go for a minute, not even as she needed to go to the toilet.  
Tarja felt a little sore (especially after the first time, that hadn't been as lustful and, well, wet as the second time), and as she wiped herself clean, she noticed that she had been bleeding.  
"Fuck", Tarja muttered, but at least it didn't hurt anymore. Which told her, that it would be over soon, and then she could enjoy every second of love-making. Tarja knew she could call herself lucky, Tuomas wasn't only a perfect boyfriend (caring, gentle, etc.), a poet, a pianist and too cute to be real, he also had a perfect body and was amazing (and careful) in bed.  
As Tarja left the little restroom, Tuomas practically threw himself on her and embraced her. "You are mine now!", he whispered into her ear and bit her earlobe gently. "Mine forever and ever."  
Tarja giggled as he kissed her ear (it was tickling like hell) and decided not to tell him how sore she was. He would only get insecure and hesitate the next time they were about to sleep with each other.  
"And I am completely yours", she replied and slung her arms around him. Soon their lips were locked in a heated kiss, they normally didn't kiss like this. While their other kisses were sweet, gentle and loving, this one was full of heat and full of passion. Their tongues weren't only touching, they were practically fighting for dominance ...  
"Tarja ... Tari", Tuomas suddenly breathed and pushed her away. "I ... I'm ..."  
Tarja grinned evilly and pulled him close again, rubbing her hips against his already hard privates. "You're hard?", she asked sweetly.  
"Go away or I must take you", Tuomas threatened, but Tarja only laughed.  
"Then take me", she said.  
"But -", Tuomas started, but Tarja held her hand over his mouth.  
"I didn't want to tell you but ... I've already visited a gynecologist - yes, in Germany, he's the same as Agnes' - and he told me I should better, uhm ... take the anti baby pill if I have a boyfriend with such a young age. If we don't plan in getting a baby. Now, I mean."  
Her cheeks were red.  
"He already prescribed them to me - for a month to try - but I didn't buy them yet. I wanted to talk to you first."  
"That's wonderful", Tuomas said with a smile. "Thanks for asking me, Love. You know ... I'm not sure about the function of this -"  
"It tells my body I'm pregnant, so my ovaries stop producing eggs. I get my period more regular and it will shorten from six days to about three", Tarja explained and Tuomas nodded slowly.  
"Would that mean it'd be save to sleep with each other without a condom as well?", he asked and Tarja shrugged.  
"I'll ask Dr. Huber, okay?"  
"Okay", Tuomas said and pecked her lips. Would she really do that for him?

On Saturday evening they returned back to the land shore of Kitee. They took the bus and drove all the way to Tarja's home (as they passed Tuomas' house, the boy hid himself behind Tarja) and as they entered the Turunen's house, Marjatta immediately came towarda the door and screeched, as she saw the pale young man.  
She pulled him in a tight embrace.  
Tuomas was stunned at first, but then he hugged the woman back, asking himself, if she finally liked him.  
After Tuomas told his girlfriend and her mother about the new wounds that his father had caused him (leaving out the one he had applied to himself), Marjatta offered her son-in-law (and she did think of him as her son-in-law) to stay at their house while Tarja was in Germany.  
Tuomas was surprised, and so was Tarja. "He would stay at my room, then?", she said and nodded. "That's a brilliant idea, Mum!" And then the girl, who was now wearing completely straight hair, embraced her mother wildly, whispering a soft "I love you."  
Marjatta smiled, moist glistening in her eyes. Tarja had said that to her last time when she was around the age of five. Maybe everything was about to change ... For the better.

Tuomas told the Turunen-family about his decision to stay at their house while they were eating.  
"And Susanna?", Timo suddenly asked and all eyes went to him. He went red.  
"What about her?", Tuomas asked with a light smile.  
"Well, does she still live at home? We could make her live here for a while as well ..." Timo's face went even darker as Tarja started giggling.  
"Timo?", she asked and her elder brother glared at her.  
"Sorry, pal, she's living with her husband", Tuomas answers dryly and Timo's face fell.  
But then he shouted "Hey! Su isn't married!"  
"Congratulations, brother", Tarja laughed and suddenly the whole family (included Tuomas and excluded Timo) joined her laughter.  
Susanna was living with her pen pal Marta in Västerås, she had said she needed as much distance between herself and Kitee, so she had fled to Sweden right after she had brought Tuomas to the island. Only Anja had been the other person who had known about his stay on he island, and she had brought him something eadible everyday (well, besides this Saturday, since Soile had been resting at the island's shore instead the shore of Kitee).  
"Why didn't Emppu know about your stay?", Tarja asked softly while she cuddled herself against her beloved a little later. "He was the first one I asked about where you were."  
"Exactly because of this", Tuomas replied gently. "I knew that he would be the first person someone would ask. And nobody would think of Anja, because everyone would think she wouldn't know it anyway."  
"Hm", Tarja said. "I would have gone to Anja right after Erno."  
"Erno", Tuomas chuckled. "And yes, you would have, but you have been the only one."  
"Hm", Tarja said again and closed her eyes. "I'm so happy you're back, baby. Did you see how relieved my mother was? She was so worried about you ..."  
"Yes", Tuomas whispered and stroke his girlfriend's back. "And now she let's me stay here ..."

Their conversation had lead into another session of love-making, this time a quiet one, though, since they knew that the Turunens would hear every lustful moan of the young couple. They even did it on the floor, to prevent the bed from creaking too loud, and they fell asleep arm in arm, exhausted from their amount of making love within less than two days.  
The next day they didn't let go of each other. They even held hands during the breakfast, looking at each other more in love than ever (Marjatta wasn't stupid though, and so she had immediately noticed that they had finally shared their first time, but instead of being unsure about this, she didn't really care anymore. She liked and trusted Tuomas and she found them two totally cute.  
Also if she wouldn't have noticed immediately, the young adults started to whisper "You're mine now, completely mine" after a few minutes, and that would have been enough of a proof).  
Tuomas brought his beloved to the airport later (with Teuvo's car) and before Tarja stepped into the plane which would bring her back to Germany, they kissed for a felt eternity, almost as if they would see each other for the last time.  
"Stay at my house", Tarja whispered and hugged her boyfriend tightly. "Your safety is the most important thing to me."  
"I will, my love", Thomas whispered back and kissed her cheek lightly. "And you take care of yourself. I love you."  
"Love you so much", Tarja whispered and they kissed once again.  
Then the young boy stared at the plane as it got smaller and smaller, and once it had disappeared, he drove back to the Turunen's house.  
"Thanks for letting me stay here, Marjatta", Tuomas said politely as he entered the kitchen, in which Marjatta was working.  
"No problem, Tuomas", she said with a broad smile. "My daughter loves you, why would I let you live on your island? It's almost November, you would freeze yourself to death."  
"Can I help you with something?", Tuomas asked. He was used to helping his mother in the kitchen, so it was no big deal for him. Marjatta on the other side seemed surprised as he asked her, whether Timo nor Tarja or Toni ever had offered their help to her.  
"You could cut the salad", the elder woman suggested and Tuomas started without a complaint.  
They talked about Tuomas' hobbies and plans for the future, and Marjatta slowly noticed how much Tuomas really loved her daughter. He loved her so much, he seemed to need her for living, and Marjatta wouldn't be surprised, if he already thought about marrying her daughter.

Tarja leaned back in the plane seat.  
She closed her eyes and smiled. Finally she knew what she wanted from life, finally she had someone she loved with her whole heart.  
Now the next goal was to bring Tuomas to Germany.


	31. Chapter 31

Tarja's plane landed on Sunday in the late afternoon. Tired, she tumbled out of the airport, even though she didn't even fly for two hours.  
As she stepped out of the big hall, a surprised squeal left her as she saw that Agnes and Sonja were waiting for her, holding up a big banner that said, 'Welcome, Tarja from Finland.'  
"Hi, girls! Thanks for waiting for me", Tarja said in a little doggerel German and after the blonde and the brunette had corrected her, they embraced the younger woman.  
They went to Sonja's car and while Agnes told the young Finn to sit in the front, she placed herself in the middle of the backseat and leaned forward.  
She grinned broadly at Tarja.  
"What?", the young woman asked a little insecure, asking herself if it was that obvious that she was no virgin anymore.  
"We have good news!", Agnes only replied as Sonja started the car.  
The other woman laughed. "Great news, I'd even say", she corrected her friend.  
"It's about -"  
"Shhht!", Sonja hushed the woman on the backseat. "Let's tell her the whole story."  
"You're right. Shall I, or do you want to tell her? He's your father after all."  
"Yes, true", Sonja replied, "but I'm driving. You tell her."  
"What tell me? Why Sonja's father?", Tarja asked depressed. "What?"  
The two years elder women laughed. "Sonja's father is a professor at a German/English college", Agnes then started. "It's mainly English, though, and they're doing a lot of writing in English, poems and so on. Her father teaches English literature."  
"And?", Tarja asked with a beating heart.  
"And ..." Agnes hesitated. "I showed one of your boyfriend's poems to Sonja."  
Tarja could feel her heartbeat in her throat. "Yes?", she whispered. "And ...?"  
"And I've took it along to show it to my dad", Sonja answered quickly and as the German words had reached the young Finn's brain, she gasped.  
"And?!"  
The girls laughed again.  
"He adores it", Agnes answered then.  
"Adores, Agnes? He started crying!", Sonja giggled.  
"Yes, he said he wants to meet the poet to ask him about his inspiration", Agnes said.  
"And as I told him that the inspiration lives in my college room and the poet is her boyfriend, he said he wanted to meet both of you", Sonja said with a smile. "You have an 'appointment' on Saturday at two."  
"We only have to see how to bring Tuomas here", Agnes said.  
Tarja was speechless. Her friends were ... simply amazing.  
"And the best", Sonja continued, as Tarja couldn't answer, "he said that he'll ask the principal to accept him for the next semester, if he wants to study there."  
"I can't believe it!", Tarja breathed. "You ... You did this for me?"  
"Of course, sweetie", Agnes said gently. "We've noticed how much you missed him."  
"Thank you so much", Tarja whispered and wiped her wet eyes. "Thank you, girls."  
Sonja looked into the rear view mirror and as she caught the brunette's look, the two grinned at each other.  
The young black haired was still wiping away the tears, that streamed down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what they had done for her, for her and Tuomas ...

Since the first time with Tarja (and the second and third, of course), Tuomas couldn't take his mind away from her. He dreamt of her and the fact that he woke up between her pillows, with her scent in his nose, didn't make it better.  
One day he looked for a piece of paper to write, and what he found was a picture of himself. Tuomas smiled and turned it around, slightly gasping.  
Forever yours, she had written on the backside. Forever your girl.  
Tuomas swallowed and pressed the picture against his chest.  
Of course she loves me the same way as I love her, he thought. She just doesn't show it that much ...  
He found even more, like drawings of himself (he hadn't known that Tarja could draw, had she been ashamed of it?) and beginnings of tried poems, that didn't even sound bad (they were in Finnish, though. Tuomas knew that English wasn't her strength). What he couldn't find were his own poems, Tarja must have taken them to Germany (or thrown them away, what he doubted).  
After he had found some paper, he wrote a new poem and placed it under her pillow, the pillow on the right side. He dearly hoped that Marjatta wouldn't find it, it was full of passion and love. He had carefully described what he had felt in their night, how he had touched her and what he thought of her body that came close to the body of a goddess. He had told her what she was to him in his eyes, what he felt when he looked at her, and that he couldn't get enough of her. Tuomas wasn't proud of it, but after he had finished the poem, he had to take a cold shower.  
After he was dressed again, he went down. He always helped Marjatta in the kitchen, since no one ever seemed to help her. Their conversations had been a bit stifle at the beginning, but now, after four days, they had their fun while talking. Marjatta had managed to make him loosen his walls a little and now she thought of him as a funny guy. She liked him a lot and wouldn't have something against him as her son in law (since she already thought of him like that).  
Tuomas was just tasting the soup, as Toni came into the kitchen.  
"Letter for you, Tuo", the younger boy said and Tuomas' head jerked up.  
"For me??"  
"From Tarja", Toni answered after he had turned the letter around and Tuomas grabbed the letter, quickly vanishing out of the kitchen.  
In the living room he opened the letter with shaking hands and gasped as he pulled out a ticket ... A ticket for a flight to Germany.  
"What ...?", he mumbled and turned the ticket around, gasping anew as he saw, that Tarja had written something on the ticket.  
Call me ...

"Haus drei, Raum siebzehn, Agnes Müller, hallo?", Agnes said as she answered the phone.  
"Hello, my name is Tuomas Holopainen", Tuomas answered Agnes started smiling broadly. Wow, she thought. He has an AMAZING voice!  
"Hello, Tuomas. Do you want to talk to Tarja?"  
"Yes, please", Tuomas breathed.  
"Wait, I'll call your Love", Agnes said gently. She couldn't wait to meet the boyfriend of her best friend. "Taaariii", she then called. "Dein Freund!"  
"Komme!", Tarja squealed and grabbed the phone out of Agnes' grip.  
"Tuomas? Hello?", she breathed in Finnish.  
"My god, Tarja", Tuomas answered. "Is the ticket - does it mean - do you want me to come to Germany??"  
"You have to come here on Saturday", Tarja answered. "It's urgent but I can't tell you what it's about, yet."  
"But - but - did you buy this ticket for me?? You shouldn't have!"  
"Calm down, I didn't buy it", Tarja said gently and Tuomas leaned back. "It's a long story", the girl went on. "Can you fly tomorrow?"  
"Of course. I'll book the flight right away and then I'll call you to tell you when I'll arrive."  
"Great", Tarja said. "I can't wait anymore."  
"Wait, what about the flight back?", Tuomas asked.  
"That's part of the surprise, honey. Just pack your stuff for a week or so."  
Tuomas closed his eyes. Had she really managed to help him coming to Germany? He would see her again, he would be able to kiss and touch her again, walk through the foreign city with entwined arms ...  
"I love you so much", he whispered and Tarja smiled.  
"I love you too, baby", she said gently. "Love you so much."  
"You're mine", Tuomas whispered. "Forever mine."  
"Forever yours, my love", Tarja said and closed her eyes.  
"See you tomorrow, Love", Tuomas said gently and Tarja smiled.  
"Can't wait. Love you."  
They ended the call and Tarja jumped up. "He'll come tomorrow!", she screeched loudly and embraced her roommates.  
"Awwww", Sonja and Agnes answered and hugged the younger woman back.  
"What does that mean what you said so often in the end?", Agnes suddenly asked. "Rak - raka -?"  
"Rakkaani means my love and rakastan sinua means love you", Tarja chuckled and the two awwwed again.   
Tuomas called her again after about an hour, he had managed to book a flight for Friday and he would arrive already at ten in the morning.  
"Don't worry, I'll pick him up", Sonja promised the worried girl and hugged her. She knew that the younger girl had to be in the college, and Sonja was lucky to have free time to that time. "I'll just cross your name from the welcome banner and write 'Tuomas' over it", she chuckled.

Said, done. Now the banner was saying 'Welcome, Tuomas from Finland', though it was still visible that the 'Tuomas' had been a 'Tarja' before. But that was good, this way Tuomas immediately knew that the woman was here to pick up him.  
Sonja introduced herself to the younger man with the shoulder-long hair and after they had shook hands, Sonja told him why Tarja hadn't been able to pick him up. But she promised him to throw him out in front of Tarja's classroom, so the girl in love could embrace him the second she went out of the door.  
Tuomas tried to ask Sonja about the reason why he was here, but she remained quiet with a smile.  
They talked a little bit and Sonja, who was very good in looking through people, found Tuomas a perfect match for Tarja. He was gentle, shy, smart and good looking and it was obvious that he was good at heart.  
Sonja did as she had promised, she drove him to the campus and lead him to the room in which Tarja was having singing lessons - right now. Tuomas closed his eyes as he could hear her operatic voice trough the closed doors. She was singing a Finnish song ... It sounded wonderful.  
"Wow", Sonja also whispered. "Finnish sounds beautiful ..."  
Tuomas smiled at her and replied with a soft "kiitos". And Sonja grinned at him, happy that she had understood him.  
After a while she went away, leaving Tuomas alone.  
And when the bell rang and the doors opened, he placed himself next to the door, waiting for her.  
Tarja went past him, she was talking to one of the other students in German. Tuomas was so proud of her, she seemed to be pretty good in that language.  
He cleared his throat and shouted, "Miss Turunen!"  
"Ja?", Tarja replied a little stressed and as she turned around and saw Tuomas, her eyes widened.  
Tuomas grinned at her and Tarja let out a scream. She pushed a girl that was just passing her away and threw herself in Tuomas' arms.  
She didn't care that everyone looked at her, she only cared about the fact that her prince had come.  
"Tuo, oh Tuo!", she said happily and before Tuomas could reply, she had captured his lips with hers. Their lips melted together and they kissed deeply, their eyes closed, in the middle of the hallway.  
Some students awed when they saw them, some laughed, some shook their heads.  
When the kissing couple parted, they felt as if they were alone in the world.  
"Hi", Tarja said, tears glistening in her eyes. "Great you're here ..."  
"How couldn't I be here?", Tuomas asked gently. "You asked me for it ..."  
Tarja smiled lightly.  
"I am so, so happy", she whispered.  
"Why, my love?", Tuomas whispered back and pecked her lips. "Because I'm here?"  
"That too", Tarja whispered and Tuomas wiped a falling tear off the cheek of his girlfriend. She locked their eyes, the green ones with the blue ones, and Tuomas cupped her face.  
"Tell me", he begged and Tarja embraced her boyfriend.   
"I'm so happy because you'll stay", she whispered.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be the last one but there will be an epilogue as well (as a New Years eve special on - what a surprise - New Years eve, which is also my birthday) and then, in the new year, I will continue with Not An Angel ♥  
> I will also publish a Christmas special by the way, but this one will be independent from my other stories (it's going to be a one shot).  
> I hope you'll look forward to it :)  
> And now ... Prepare some ice cream, handkerchiefs and enjoy the last chapter of my story *sob* :) ♥

The door crashed close and the young woman broke together. Letting out a long and heavy sob, she buried her face in her hands and finally started crying.  
Meanwhile the man wiped his angry tears away. His long, black hair was waving after him as he fastened forward, his eyes were burning as he tried not to cry.  
They had fought too often in the last times.  
The first year in Germany had been amazing. They had been in love like they should have.  
The second year had been stressful. Tuomas had - next to his plan of studying English - started to think of a band and of course he had asked Tarja first. She was the most important human in his life, after all. Soon after that, Emppu and Jukka had joined. After their first song, Jukka had thought of a good friend of him to join.  
Soon after Sami had joined, their career had shot upwards within a few months. Their first album had been so successful that Tuomas had thought of leaving the college.  
That had been their first big fight, ever. They had fought the whole night, because Tarja had not wanted him to give up something he was good at.  
After all, Tuomas hadn't quit college.  
They had ended their education in July 1999 and together they had gone back to Finland, happier than ever. Tuomas' head had almost exploded with all the ideas he had for songs, and somehow Tarja had always been the inspiration - no matter how, no matter in which way.  
But then their life had became cloudier and cloudier.  
They had spent weeks together in the studio, and even though they loved each other, they soon had enough of each other.  
Their first break up had been in December 1999.  
That was, when Tuomas had decided to give up the band, Nightwish, as well, but in the end it just had been a little break.  
Tuomas and Tarja came back together in March 2000, they both had noticed that they couldn't live without each other, and soon the band was reunited again. After that, they had started their first world tour.  
And that was when everything had turned out to be only complicated and into a disaster.  
And the causer of this disaster had a name - Marcelo Cabuli.  
He was a little older than Tuomas and Tarja and a business man through and through.  
He didn't seem unfriendly or mean, at first, but Tuomas hadn't liked him the very second he met him for the first time - because the Argentinian had only eyes for the beautiful Tarja.  
And yes, Tarja was even more beautiful than ever, she had become more beautiful with every day over the last years.  
The red lipstick was her steady companion, her black hair was framing her face with big, soft curls, her body was curvy and undoubtedly sexy.  
Tuomas was jealous in every country they had toured in. No matter where they had been, men had looked at Tarja. Men had tried to ask her out. Men had wanted to touch her. Men had taken photos with her. Men had complimented her. Men had flirted with her.  
And Tarja had always flirted back.  
They fought every day, every night, Tuomas got more jealous with everyday, Tarja cried herself to sleep every night.  
They had been close to another break-up, but their tour had saved them from breaking up. They both had known that they couldn't break up now, right during a world-tour.  
But it had gotten worse.  
Marcelo had started to hit on Tarja after a few months, well, in Tuomas' eyes.  
In real he had only started to compliment her about her eyes, voice, clothes, talk to her about private things, asked her private things (for example if she would like to look after his sons for a night and she had wanted to), he had started to teach her talking Spanish ...  
They had fun, they laughed, they talked Spanish with each other - they were friends.  
And Tuomas had been jealous, because in the eyes of the south-American there had been more.   
Love.  
Tuomas knew that Marcelo Cabuli had fallen in love with Tarja, his Tarja.  
Tuomas had started to treat Marcelo like an enemy, and it didn't last long and Marcelo treated Tuomas the same way.  
Soon a rivalry had grown between the two men, and it destroyed everything.  
Tarja didn't understand why, Tuomas' hints about that the business man was in love with her sounded like his typical jealousy and so she didn't believe him.  
They fought more, twice a day, thrice a day, they threatened each other with another break-up, Tarja threatened to leave Nightwish, they fought and they cried.  
After a month of only fighting they reconciled again, promising each other to never fight again.  
"You know what", Tuomas mumbled as he stroke his love's hair.  
"Hm?", Tarja whispered and lifted her head up a little to look at her boyfriend.  
Tuomas took a deep breath. "You know, we're old enough, now ... We've been eighteen as I started with that and we've been young and stupid, back then. But now we're older and adult enough, I think ..."  
"We're only twenty-four", Tarja said dryly and shook her head. "And if you talk about marrying - no, Tuomas. We fight too much. I don't want to marry you, as long as you're childish as you are. You know why we fight? Because you're jealous. I love you, so stop being jealous and we can talk on, okay? But right now - no."  
That had been her last word, so Tuomas had never talked about it again.  
And now, one year later in September 2001, it was completely over.  
"Go!", Tarja had screamed. "I know you'd rather be in the studio now, or - or in the bar! Go, Tuomas, I don't care anymore! It's over!"  
"You don't care about me?", Tuomas had asked hurt.  
"I don't care about us!", Tarja had screamed. "Did you stop being jealous? No! But instead you started flirting with female fans! Y - you hug them and call them sweetie, as if you were together with them, not with me! What's up with you, Tuomas?! I can't be together with you anymore if you do that!"  
"Tarja, please ..."  
"Shut up!", Tarja had screamed, the tears had streamed down her cheeks like waterfalls. "I'm talking now. L - last month when you had drunken so much ... I was so disgusted! You vomited all day and then I had to hear about with how many girls you danced and flirted ... Y - you know ... I don't think that you still love me, Tuo ..."  
She had broken up this night.  
Completely.  
This time it was forever, Tuomas knew that.  
He stared at the scars on his arms, the white, almost invisible scars. He had never cut himself once more, the last day he had cut himself, had been the day his father had asked him about Tarja.  
He wouldn't do it ever again, Tarja had saved him from this depression. If he would start again now, all of that would have been useless.  
He slowly walked along the road, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the ground. He had no idea where to go.

It was October now, and when Tuomas closed his eyes, he could smell the cool October air that he had smelled when he had his first time with Tarja.  
Now the band was officially past, besides they would find a new singer. But who could ever replace Tarja?  
In the band as well as in Tuomas' heart.  
The Finn knew that he would love her forever and - as long as he lived - he would compare everything of another woman to Tarja.  
How she laughed. How she breathed. How she ate. How she sang. How she loved. How she looked.  
Tuomas closed his eyes.  
He wasn't ready for another girlfriend and he would never be, as long as the girlfriend wasn't Tarja.

October went over and soon November was there, cold and rainy as Tuomas felt inside.  
He didn't eat anymore. He didn't laugh anymore. He only laid around and thought about one woman.  
And exactly this woman didn't seem to miss him, she had already started her own career - not even a month after Nightwish had parted.  
Tuomas saw her in the television every now and then, and it seemed that Marcelo was always with her.  
She gave concerts all around Finland, and also there she was accompanied by Marcelo.  
Tuomas' heart was broken. He was sure that he was her new boyfriend, that Tarja was already over him, because Marcelo had been close.  
Tuomas had never felt like this in his life, lovesick, and for the first time in his life he cried himself to sleep because of Tarja.  
There were many girls who wanted him.  
Tuomas went out a lot, soon he met a girl or woman, danced with her, kissed her, and left the bar without her. He couldn't do it. It felt like he was cheating on Tarja, and he would never do that, never ever.  
Tuomas drank a lot, vodka in front of all, his dinner always consisted of vodka.  
He lived alone in an apartment in Helsinki, and everything of there reminded him of Tarja.  
The bed. The couch. The window. The shower. The bathtub. The kitchen table ...  
On all these places they had slept with each other after fights, so all these places reminded him of heir fights and the reconciliation sex afterwards.  
"It shouldn't have happened", he whispered and clenched his fists. He tried to remind himself of the time when all of it had started to go down, but he couldn't remember. Maybe the day he had moved to Germany? The day he had founded the band? The day they had signed the contract for their third album? The day they had broke up? The day they had came together again? The time they had toured over the world? The day they had met Marcelo?  
Tuomas couldn't remember, but one thing he knew.  
"All of this shouldn't have happened ... I should have died so many years ago, when I tried to take my life ..."  
He shook his head and closed his eyes. "Oh, Tarja", he whispered. "If I would have succeeded, you would have started an earlier career, you would have found a man you really deserve, you would have ..." He opened his eyed again. "Maybe you would have died in the music room of the school."  
Tuomas buried his face in his hands once again and bursted into tears. He wasn't sober, there was no day he was completely sober, anymore. He missed her so much, he had no inspiration anymore.  
The floor of his apartment was covered with started but not finsihed songs, songs about love, hatred, sadness, depressions, songs where he had been too weak to continue.  
Tuomas tumbled into the kitchen to open a new bottle of vodka. He knew he would soon try to end this. He couldn't live without Tarja, especially not after she had already found someone else. He thought about buying sleeping pills. He thought about swallowing the whole pack with vodka. Of course he would write a letter to Tarja, first ... She should know that he would have never been able to live without her.  
After a cold, depressing November, December was there, and though the snowy city looked beautiful from his window view, he just couldn't get into Christmas mood. He was alone - sure, Emppu, Jukka and Sami called him every now and then, but he was alone in his apartment, he had no girlfriend, he wasn't in a mood to go out, anymore. He still got letters, fans who asked him if Nightwish would ever be a topic again, fans who asked him if he and Tarja would ever get back together, fans who asked him out, fans who wished him a marry Christmas, and so on.  
A few days before Christmas (he had honestly thought about killing himself on Christmas eve, one day before his birthday), he got a call from his mother.  
"The whole family will be there", Kirsti said softly. "I'm begging you, Tuo. Come here."  
"I don't know mum. You know that Kitee ... It's just ... It reminds me of Tarja ...", Tuomas whispered and Kirsti sighed.  
"You've been together for almost seven years, I think everything reminds you of her, hm?"  
Tuomas wiped his tears away. "You're right", he whispered. "Who will be there?"  
"Everyone", Kirsti answered with a smile. "Your siblings, your grandparents ..."  
"Grandma loved Tarja", Tuomas mumbled. "She won't stop asking me about her."  
"She won't ask you a single question, I promise", Kirsti answered and Tuomas closed his eyes.  
"I'll come", he said lowly. "I'll come to Kitee to celebrate Christmas eve with my family, even though I used to celebrate it with Tarja alone in the last years."  
Kirsti sighed again, but she was happy that her son had agreed on coming home.  
If she only knew what he had planned for his birthday ...


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest, dearest readers.  
> This is now officially the very last chapter of Romanticide.  
> I want to thank all of you so much for your support, this is the longest FF I've ever managed to write. And end, I have to add!
> 
> It feels as if Tarja and Tuomas are eating my soul, though, that's how much I love them.  
> I love writing about them and I have more ideas every day (just ask Linn, she knows about those thousand ideas). Visci Amore was planned, while Take Me To Church was a spontaneous idea I had on Tuo's birthday xD
> 
> I'm currently sorting out ideas I know I will never write, so if anyone of you wants to write Tuorja but has no idea, I'm the person to contact.  
> Warning: Smut stuff included.  
> Thank you so much, once again. I hope you'll enjoy and like the ending of this story, which has taken a special place in my heart ♥
> 
> Happy new year!

December 24th and 25th

Tuomas hadn't killed himself.  
He had thought about it, no doubt, even one day before Christmas he had bought the sleeping pills. But then something had happened on Christmas eve, and he couldn't do it.  
Everyone had hugged him and wished him merry Christmas, but really no one had said a word about Tarja, not even his grandmother.  
Until Susanna had arrived in the afternoon.  
"Tuo!", she had screamed and hugged her brother almost to death. "How are you?! Gosh, you look horrible!"  
"Thanks", Tuomas grunted. "I know."  
"You have to tell Tarja you're sorry", Susanna said and within a second it was completely quiet in the living room.  
"Susanna!", Kirsti hissed, but the young blonde didn't look guilty.  
"What, it's true!", she said and declined a cup of coffee, that her mother was offering her. "The baby, mum", she said and Kirsti patted her daughter's big belly.  
"I'll go out", Tuomas mumbled and grabbed a pack of cigarettes that was lying on the table, but Pentti took it from him.  
"You stopped", he said and Tuomas groaned.  
He went outside without a single cigarette.  
He had no jacket, he didn't care about the cold. All he could think about was the pack of sleeping pills in his bedroom ... He pulled a creasy sheet of paper out of his pocket.  
Dear Tarja.  
I know what I've done wrong, but that's not the reason why I decided to do that.  
It's because I've hurt you, I've hurt you so many times. And because I know that I will never stop loving you, and the pain is just unbearable.  
I'm terribly sorry -  
"Tuomas?"  
"What do you want?", he huffed and quickly put the sheet back into his pocket.  
Susanna groaned as she sat down, pressing her hand on her belly. "Talk to you", she answered. "Your aura is blacker than black. I'm worried ..."  
"No need", Tuomas said and turned his head.  
"Tuo ...", Susanna said gently and embraced her brother. "Please Tuo ... Please listen to me. Tarja is in Kitee."  
"I know", Tuomas whispered, but he still avoided his sister's look. "She's giving some concerts. Christmas concerts, new year's eve concerts, whatever."  
"True", Susanna said with a smile. "Timo says that she's an emotional mess."  
And suddenly Tuomas remembered why he had avoided Susanna over the last months.  
Because she was a Turunen now. She was Susanna Lena Turunen and even her name reminded him of Tarja.  
"I don't want to talk about her", Tuomas said, stood up and walked inside again.

He came down again in the evening, but said no word. And no one talked to him.  
Everyone knew he needed to calm down, everyone knew he was heartbroken.  
Kirsti wanted to cry as she looked at her son, who only seemed to be shell of himself. He had no happiness anymore.  
She went to him and embraced him, but didn't say a single word.  
No one did, but everyone hugged him.  
And Tuomas felt ashamed as he started crying in the arms of his grandmother.  
But the elder woman closed her eyes, pressed him against her body and weighed him like a baby.  
All in all it wasn't really a happy celebration and Tuomas knew that the next days would be even harder.  
For everyone but him.

In the morning he felt the emptiness he had expected to feel on the day of his death.  
He placed the letter on his nightstand and pulled out the pills and the bottle of vodka he had brought with him.  
He hadn't walked downstairs, he didn't want to see anyone of them. He wanted to end it before anyone could see him. Sure, their last image of him would be a sad, depressed, helpless Tuomas, but today he was empty. And that was worse than the day before.  
"I love you, Tarja", he whispered and swallowed the first pill with vodka.  
"And happy birthday to me ...", he mumbled and swallowed the second pill.

"Tuomas, are you crazy?!"  
"Huh ...?"  
"Are you ... Oh fuck! I can't believe you're suicidal! Tuomas! Are you stupid?!"  
"Tarja ...?"  
"You can't kill yourself because of me! Are you ... Are you completely insane?!"  
There she was.  
She was dressed in white, as an angel, her black hair was so long, it reached until her hips.  
She was holding his letter to her in her hands.  
Her face was furious, but she had never looked more beautiful to him.  
"Dammit, Tuomas! Give me that", she cried and grabbed the pack of sleeping pills. "Oh!", she then said hysterically and started laughing very hysteric and false. "These - these aren't even strong pills! You would have needed more than one pack to die with that! Oh thank god!"  
"Go away", Tuomas huffed. "Go to your new boyfriend."  
Tarja stared at him in shock and then she threw the pack of pills right into his face.  
"Oh, jump in a lake!", she screeched. "I came because of you today and you just tell me to shove off?! I can't believe it! My new boyfriend?? Who do you mean, Marcelo?? I knew that you still weren't adult enough. How could I think that you're worth another try?! You know what - that's it, Tuomas. I wanted to give you another chance, but that's just ..."  
Tuomas rubbed his sore forehead, where the pack had hit him.  
Another chance?  
"Tarja, I'm sorry ..."  
"No", Tarja hissed and turned around. "Screw you. Have a nice life."  
Tuomas stared after her, not knowing what to do.  
Meanwhile Tarja bursted into tears as she ran downstairs, she pushed Kirsti away who wanted to hug her, grabbed her jacket and ran out of the house as fast as she could.  
She couldn't believe it. Tuomas hadn't gotten wiser, he was still the jealous boy he had been. And he had tried to kill himself!  
Tarja ran as fast as she could, not caring about he fact that she lived almost ten kilometres away from him. She ran until she was out of breath and then she broke together.  
What had happened to her Tuomas?

"Timo says she's crying the whole night, but in the morning she pretends as if she was okay", Susanna said and leaned back on Tuomas' bed. Finally he had allowed her to talk with him.  
He was thankful that Tarja hadn't told anyone that he had tried to commit suicide, he knew she hadn't. That wouldn't be her and Susanna hadn't said something about that.  
She was rubbing her belly gently.  
"You know, I didn't believe him. But this night I heard it ... She's crying. All night long. She's heartbroken ... She's crying your name ... She cries Tuomas, Tuomas all over again, she cries how much she loves you ..."  
Tuomas' eyes were full of tears. "She still loves me?"  
"She's not together with Marcelo", Susanna explained. "She doesn't love him. She loves you."  
"She loves me ..."  
"I wanted to comfort her this night", Susanna said and closed her eyes. "She cried so heart wrenching I felt like hugging her, but she didn't want me to see her ... I talked to Marcelo this morning. She cries every night without an exception. Every feeling she swallows during the day breaks out in the night. Marcelo says that everyone in the tour bus heard her in the last month, but no one dared to say something. It's always the same, he said, Tuomas, my Tuomas. Why, I don't understand it. Explain it to me, why? I love you ... Why did this have to happen? I need you back, I can't live without you ..."  
Tuomas closed his eyes. "I have to talk to her", he whispered and Susanna nodded.  
"Yes, definitely. What will you tell her?"

 

\-------

 

December 31st

He hadn't tried to call her, he hadn't tried to visit her. She had been in Helsinki, Tampere, Turku and Vaasa the last days, giving concerts, and today she was back in Kitee.   
Tarja had planned a small new year's eve party in her garden, which wasn't anything else like another concert. Anyway, she had planned a small party, but due to her admirers all around Kitee the party was everything else but small.  
Her whole old neighbourhood and more had come to hear her sing, and to her surprise and also happiness Tarja saw a few faces she knew.  
Lenni, Milo, Anja, Emppu and Suvi, but also Elli, Kiira, Rebekka and Paula were there.  
They all looked up to her, guilt written in their faces.  
"Who invited you?", Tarja asked with the best sickened voice she could manage.  
"No one", Kiira said. "It's an open party."  
Tarja looked at her old bullies in disgust, until Paula spoke.  
"Tarja ... We wanted to apologise."  
"For making my life a living hell? For wanting to kill me?"  
The girls nodded and Tarja glared at them. "I won't throw you out, all of you have to see how beautiful I can sing. And then you have to envy me for my voice and looks and everything I reached that you didn't reach. And I will stare at you and be happy that I'm not like you, you pathetic girls."  
No one said a word for a moment.  
"Forgive us ...", Elli mumbled, but Tarja snorted.  
"I will never forgive nor forget you this. And now sit down in the first row, maybe you'll catch a few drops of my spit, that's more than you're worth."  
The four sat down without another word and Tarja turned herself to the next ones.  
"Anja!!!!", she screamed and the women hugged.  
"Oh my god, I actually was afraid you'd really turned so bitchy!", Anja shouted and Tarja laughed, dragging Anja away from the crowd.  
"Me and bitchy? Please. They just deserve it."  
Tarja now hugged the boys, Emppu for the longest.  
"I miss Nightwish", he mumbled and Tarja closed her eyes.  
"So do I ... But Tuomas is still not mature enough to keep back his jealousy. But it doesn't matter anymore, it's over now. Completely."  
"Tarja", Emppu said sadly. "Do you even know why he was jealous? He loves you, Tarja. More than anything."  
"Don't you think I love him as well?", Tarja whispered with tears in her eyes. "I wanted to marry him, but not as long as he doesn't trust me ..."  
"He wanted to marry you as well, why just didn't you?", Anja asked gently and Tarja shook her head.  
"He didn't trust me enough ..."  
"Of course he did!", Emppu called out. "He only loved you so much, he was afraid that someone could take you from him ..."  
"Marcelo", Tarja said and smiled into the direction where the Argentinian talked to Tarja's ex music teacher professor Dimov. "He was only jealous of Marcelo, and now I admit that he had the right to. Marcelo is in love with me ..."  
No one said a word and Tarja looked to the floor.  
"He told me about ... About two months ago. After we had sex."  
Still no one said a word, but now Emppu was looking at Tarja reproachfully.  
"Emppu, please!", Tarja said. "I didn't cheat on Tuomas, we weren't together anymore! And I needed it ... He was there and one thing lead to the other. Afterwards he told me that he loved me. And I told him that I don't love him."  
"So you had sex with Marcelo to fill the blank that Tuomas left?", Anja repeated and added with a grin, "Literally."  
"Yes", Tarja said with a weak smile. "But I don't love him and this way I don't regret that I slept with him. It made me realise that I still love Tuo, I will forever."  
"Oh, Tarja", Milo sighed. "I'm sorry but I feel with Tuomas. I mean, look at you, you're beautiful and you're touring around the world, I can tell that practically every male Nightwish fan wants to sleep with you, no wonder he's jealous. That has nothing to do with trust. Understand that, Tarja ..."  
Tarja covered her face with her hands. "You're right ... He has always been protecting me, maybe he hadn't only been jealous ... He just wanted to protect me ... Oh, I'm so stupid."  
"That you are, because you shot him to the moon", Anja commented and hugged the fragile, sobbing creature.  
"Please talk to him", Emppu begged and Tarja nodded.  
"I will, I promise."

Tarja didn't tell them that she had found Tuomas with a pack of sleeping pills in his hands, she had sworn to herself not to tell a single soul. She didn't want the press to find out, he would be screwed.  
Tarja stepped on the stage and smiled at her friends, smiled even at her enemies, smiled at her fans.  
She looked through the crowd, hoping to spot one special face.  
She didn't.  
"Hello Kitee", Tarja spoke into the microphone, her voice trembling. "Thanks for coming. I didn't expect so many ..."  
The crowd laughed.  
"Okay so here's the fact ... I've been getting questions, and I don't know if Nightwish will reunion ... If they do, probably without me."  
A few protests went through the crowd and Tarja smiled.  
"I've got a bunch of songs here for you, a few are even fitting with today's special event. I think I'll start with one of those."  
And while ABBA's Happy New Year started to sound in the speakers, a sad man entered the garden, guided by love.  
His heart ached when he saw the beautiful woman on the stage, the woman who had once been his.  
She was singing, but Tuomas couldn't hear what she was singing. He only saw her lips move, saw them move in slow motion ...  
Tarja sang more songs this evening, every now and then she walked around in the garden and talked to various people, and every now and then someone wished for a song.  
"This song is for Anja", Tarja said with a smile. "She is my best friend and she knows what this song means to me. It hurts me, singing this, you know ..." Anja grinned up to her and held her thumbs up.  
Tarja closed her eyes.  
"Some say love, it is a river ... that drowns the tender reed."  
Tuomas' heart almost stopped.  
It was their song ... They had danced to that song at Anja's and Milo's wedding ...  
Tuomas closed his eyes as he pain took over.  
"I want this song at our wedding as ell, Tuo ..."  
"You want to marry me?"  
"Not too soon ... But if we'll ever marry, I want this song. It's our song."  
He couldn't believe it. Was it a sign?  
He took out the little satin box. It was a sign ...  
"Some say love, it is a razor ... that leaves your soul to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need."  
Tuomas put the box back into his jacket and stepped closer.  
"I say love, it is a flower and you its only seed ..."  
Just as Tuomas had reached the first row, Tarja stopped singing.  
"It's almost midnight, people", she said with a smile. "I'll go around and ... Well, maybe we can shoot a few fireworks and -"  
"It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance", Tuomas started singing and Tarja's eyes went wide. She recognised his voice before she even saw him. "It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance."  
"Tuomas ...", Tarja whispered and let the microphone drop down.  
Tuomas took a step forward and lifted up the microphone, bringing it up to his lips.  
"It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live."  
Tarja stood there, stared at him, not moving a finger. Her heart was racing so fast, she could hardly breathe and she didn't move as Tuomas wrapped an arm around her.  
"Forgive me, I can't sing", he said and the crowd laughed weakly.  
He looked for love in the green eyes and as he found it, he smiled.  
"I'm not a master of words, well, not while talking. So ..." He pulled out the new letter. "This is private, I'm sorry", he then said and gave it to Tarja. "This is only for you."  
Tarja unfolded the letter and overflew it, the letter took her breath away.  
... Because I love you so much ...  
... I will always love you ...  
... Kill myself because I couldn't live without you ...  
... It's a promise ...  
... You are the one and I love you with my whole heart ...  
... Jealous, yes, but I did trust you ...  
... Too early, but I loved you ...  
... I hope you're ready now, look at me and tell me ...  
Tarja let the letter sink down. "What is this?", she whispered, tears dripping down from her face onto the ground.  
"An apology", Tuomas said. "And a promise. And a plea ..."  
"Just spit it out, Tuomas", Tarja begged.  
"Countdown!", someone suddenly called.  
"30, 29, 28, 27, ...", a few in the back started counting, but everyone else didn't care.  
"Did you read the letter?", Tuomas asked and Tarja nodded.  
"And it looks so much like you, those words are beautiful, but ... What do you want to tell me? That you're sorry, Tuomas? I told you, trust me and you didn't."  
"21, 20, 19, ..."  
"I do trust you!", Tuomas cried and fell on his knees. As he pulled out the box, a whisper went through the crowd. "And at some point I realised that you won't believe me without finding out. Tarja, you don't have to marry me, if you don't want to, but please, I'm begging you ... Give me a chance."  
"14, 13, 12, 11, ..."  
"Tarja Soile Susanna Turunen ... My love. My life. I want you forever. Only you. When I first saw you, I was amazed. Amazed by your voice and amazed by your beauty. We got closer and after a while I could see right into your soul and I was amazed by its pureness and your big heart. You are the one and I love you with my whole heart. You are forever in my heart, no matter how you'll decide. But Tarja ..."  
"4! 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"  
"Do you want to marry me?"  
The crowd went suddenly quiet, even though a new year had just started.  
No one was shooting fireworks, it was completely quiet in the garden.  
"Tarja ...", Tuomas whispered, watching how his beloved pressed a hand in front of her mouth. Her hands were trembling and she was sobbing.  
Then she fell on her knees.  
"Tuomas ...", she whispered back and put her trembling hands on his cheeks. "I ... I love you. And yes, I guess I want to try it again ... I trust you and I believe you. I want to try it again and yes, I ... I want to marry you ..."  
For a few seconds the silence remained, but as Tuomas bursted into happy sobbing and put the ring on the finger of his beloved, the crowd went crazy.  
And that was the moment when Teuvo fired the fireworks.  
Tuomas pulled Tarja on her feet and then he lifted her up, spun her around and as he pulled her down again, their lips met.  
Tarja desperately tried to never let go of him, her tears vanished in his beard as she pressed her face against him, tugged his lips between hers, desperately sucking.  
The fireworks were exploding around them and as they let go of each other, their eyes were locked.  
"I'll never leave you again", Tarja whispered and they kissed again, bathing in everyone's applause, enjoying the sensation of being freshly engaged.

__________

 

Three years later ...

"Your turn", Tarja groaned.  
She had just fallen into bed, hoping that the little one was asleep now, but she was already blabbing and giggling again.  
"Coming ...", Tuomas mumbled but didn't move a finger.  
"Tuomas!", Tarja called and slapped her husband's ass.  
"Ouch! You insane woman", Tuomas mumbled and stood up. He walked over to the little one's crib and lifted her out. "Hey there, sweetie."  
She was beautiful.  
Her blonde curls and blue eyes made her look like and angel. Yes, she had the hair and eyes from her father Tuomas and the face from her mother Tarja.  
"Come over little baby, come to me and your beautiful mother ..."  
He placed the chuckling baby between himself and the almost asleep Tarja and smiled.  
"I love you", he sighed and Tarja smiled and rolled over to look at her husband.  
She took the baby's little hand.  
"Forever, Tuo."  
They were happy. They were happy about everything that happened in their lives, because it had brought them to where they were.  
They were happy that Tuomas had saved Tarja from her bullies so long ago, they were happy they went to Germany, they were even happy about their fight. Because now they knew that they would never part again. Tuomas was happy that he hadn't died and Tarja was happy that she had given him another chance after she had told him she wouldn't give him another one.  
And Tuomas had no reason to be jealous anymore.  
Nightwish was pausing until Tarja's and Tuomas' baby was bigger. The fans had been happy about their reunion and they had been happy about the news that Tarja was pregnant, one year later.  
The little Turunen-Holopainen family was living in Helsinki, but they already talked about the plan to move back to Karlsruhe, where they had spent the best days of their relationship.  
Well, they would see what the future would bring them.

_______

 

Officially now... This is   
The end of  
Romanticide


End file.
